in need of a spiritual teacher/some advice

dont know if this is the rite place to post this, but maybe if not someone can send me in the rite direction.

I'm in need of a spiritual teacher/mentor type thingy who's open minded & experimental, but still grounded and willing to help me get on my feet spiritually & mentally, so i can pass on the favour to others.

I'm a 20 year old male, living in South East UK & willing to travel & do basically anything it takes to get back on track and get spiritually enlightened.

TBH up untill now my lifes been one big mess. I was badly bullied in school which resulted in me becoming pretty unconnected & bitter at an early age. In my teens i turned to drink & drug abuse to "fit in", which bought with it more problems than it was worth.

I was sent to a 'secure training centre' when i was 15, for stabbing someone at school.

Since that time I managed to sort myself out mentally & decided that my life purpose was to help others who where vunrable and in need of a rope.

Unfortunatly it wasnt long before I was smoking unhealthy amounts of skunk, which bought back all my underlying mental health issues and left me with extreme paranoia and 6 months of bad psychosis.

I turned to valium to numb the anxiety that remained from the psychosis, which did wonders at first. I met a beautiful girlfriend who I love(d) to bits & began to work my way back into society. But, she wasnt happy with me taking the ever increasing doses of valium, so i quit, almost cold turkey.

As i'd feared & almost expected, she didnt like the person I was when I didnt have a blanket of valium keeping me sane & we went through quite a bad brakeup, about 6 months ago.

Since then I started smoking weed, got addicted to ketamine, lost all of my friends through debts & drugs and spiralled back down into depression. It was too much for my mum to handle, so she kicked me out & I ended up in a hostal.

While I was there I was taken in by some dreads & got heavely into acid, which helped my spiritual path a lot, by basically showing me God, but also bought its own problems.

After being kicked out the hostal last week (ironically, for trying to peacekeep whilst I was pissed, which ended in a pretty gruesum fight) my mum has taken me back home, on condition that I dont drink.

And here I am I've been meditating every day to try and get back the oneness that my acid binge bought on, but if anything it seems to be having the opposite effect. Every now and then my mind completely caves in on itself & I find it hard to even follow a conversation.

Then the next minute I will feel completely connected again, moreso than I could have ever imagined a few months ago.

On my first day home my mum said to me "I think you coming back will be the saviour of this place" but since then I've never been able to find the same serenity & positivity that I had that day and although it bought a tear to my eye at the time, I think the pressure might be whats holding me back. I want more than anything in the world to prove her rite, but everything seems to be going wrong at the moment. How can you be completely connected & at one, one moment and turn into a selfcentred wanker the next?

Anyway, thats about it. Basically, i'm just praying that thers someone out there who's been in this position & can help me pull through it.

Sorry for the essay! I think thers some stuff there that needed to come out.




(sorry for putting this in more than one thread, i don't really know where it belongs tbh!)

 

Well then, you sound alot like a friend of mine! I'm not sure I can do personally, but I'm a reiki master, and I think that you would probably be bitchin' at reiki! Maybe something to look into!

 

That sounds wicked!

Its funny you should mention it actually, im now reading a book called "celestine prophecy" which is centred around energies & how theyr transfered from person to person... And also coincidences.

Reckon i'll have to look further into this.