friendships

do you ever feel like you give waaaaaaaaaaaaaay more then you get?

its exhausting.

 

sometimes.



then sometimes i feel like i take a lot more than i give back, and i'd say that's an even worse feeling

 

True, i agree.

 

In what way?

 

just in taking care of them and such, cheering them up doing things for them while they are down.

 

I don't feel that way with my friends.

From my perspective my friends and I all started out kind of, "you scratch my back, and I'll scratch yours" and it went on from there. I'd do one a favour and they'd owe me one. We'd bitch a lot about some of the people in my class together, get coffee and eventually a sort of companionship developed, but I dont think that any of us are that close - I dont know. We don't tend to take anything seriously. It's still like that today, and we have a lot of fun. I guess it's based on you give a little you get a little.

 

wow, I'm stoned but I think that was profound. :huh:

 

sometimes I give more, sometimes I get more. it's meant to be balanced, and if it gets too out of balance I reconsider the friendship.

 

Not anymore.
then,I quit giving soo much to takers...lost a few friends,and strength in some friendships.
My closer friends now are ones that would just as soon rip their own heart out to give to me ,as i would for them.

 

I agree with babyhellfire. My true friends give just as much as they take and so my friendships are wonderful. Those who take more than they give...they're just douchebags who like to hang out here because there's no authority figures here.

 

I have never done a favor for a friend expecting something in return. That's not what friendship is about.

 

I love giving my time to my friends, but I hate taking theirs. It's weird... I can't open up to my friends, 90% of my friends have only seen me when I'm happy and hyper, which, ok I am most of the time, but I also have alot more layers on me.

hmmm... not that I'm complaining or anything I choose it to be that way.

 

You're right, it's not about keeping score, BUT there are some people out there who just drain the shit right out of you. They do not return the friendship, so to speak.

I had this convo with my mom once, she had a draining friend. One who just depressed you, took all the life out of you with their constant problems that they refused to work on... almost like an emotionally abusive relationship. Sometimes you have to dump a friend.

 

I choose my friends very carefully. This sort of thing never happens. As a teen, yeah, there were some people who as mitten so aptly put are 'draining friends' They are long since gone now. Life is too short.

At the risk of opening a can of worms here though, this problem of feeling like you're putting in more than you get out of a friendship seems to be a mainly female thing. I've heard this type of gripe before but almost exclusively from girls.

Maybe it's because of the mateyness of guy/guy friendships rather than this emotional connection.

 

Uh, I've seen men in that situation too. But I think you're right, generally women are just too eager to give ONCE they establish a human connection, and too UNEAGER beforehand.

But yeah, these role-playing dynamics are pretty much emotional abuse. And BOTH parties are at fault: the giver and the taker.

 

I guess it depends on what is given. It is is say, emotional help, I'll give a disproportionate amount, because that's what good friends are for.

 

I have a 'friend' who does that and i dont know how to get rid of her.

 

I sometimes feel like a bad friend.......that is a horrible feeling.

 

Those people are sometimes called "pychic vampires" because they drain you. Get it?

http://vampires.monstrous.com/psychic_vampires.htm

 

Haha I used to have those problems. I was the guy everybody counted on to bail them out of trouble or to help them out etc. Seemed like a lot of the time when I needed something they were nowhere to be found. I realized though that even when they weren't there, somebody was.

These days I treat my "circle" like a basketball team. I've got room for 5 starters(people I'd consider close) and about 10 on the bench(new friends or acquaintences). If I have to cut a starter somebody on the bench is considered, but the position isn't always filled. The rest of the people I know are in try outs and most of them will never make the team.