I wish I was adopted

I'm just a bitchin today.


I truly hate being part of my family. I wish things had been different growing up, I wish I'd had different parents, but sadly I'm too old to be adopted. Now I'm just an adult who had a shitty childhood. My father is a horrible piece of shit, and even if he'd never done anything to me, I'd still hate his guts. He's so emotionally abusive to my mom. My mom was a single mother before she met him. Her life was rough, but she was a strong woman. She had a job and she was good at it. Then she met my dad. I guess she thought life would be easier for her if she had someone to help raise her son, but my dad had two kids of his own. All he wanted was a bitch, a maid, and a nanny. I never knew the woman my mom used to be. I hear her talk about how she used to be and I can see the difference in her face in old pictures when her spirit was still alive. He criticizes everything she does. If she cooks something, it's not good enough, or wasn't cooked right, or she didn't use the right pot. And he just keeps rubbing it in. He treats her like a child, he always yells at her. She takes care of him like he's a fucking child, he can't do a damn thing for himself, and that's still not good enough for him. When she's sick he still expects her to have dinner ready and the house cleaned and his clothes washed and ironed. When she had her hystorectomy she went to stay with her mom 'cause she knew she'd never be allowed to rest properly. He even cheated on her once, great Christian man that he is.
She has no confidence in herself anymore. She thinks she's a piece of shit. She's depressed all the time. She's an emotional eater, and the weight doesn't come off because she's depressed, but she stays depressed because he always has to bitch about her weight. He once said to her 'look at you, you're fat. You're not even trying.' He denied it when I called him on it, and the fat ass hypocrite has a belly himself. Looks like he's pregnant. She never stands up for herself 'cause she just gets yelled at more. I always tell him to back off, but he never listens. Sometimes she tells me she wants to die.
For this alone I have enough hatred for him to last a lifetime. I've told her to divorce him, but she thinks it's a sin. Why wasn't it a sin for him to divorce his first wife? She was abusive to the kids. Wasn't he abusive to us? And what about mom? The vows are 'til death. She's emotionally dead.
I wish he would leave and never come back. I wouldn't miss him, I would be overjoyed.
He's done his fair share to us too. He destroyed almost every shred of self-esteem I had. It wasn't until I met the guy that replaces him as a father figure to me that I finally regained some.
Neglect is a crime. Health problems should never be swept under the rug. But I'm a stronger person for it, so I guess it doesn't matter.
This has just always been my life, you know? Then I met these wonderful people. Good, caring people who took care of their kids. If I had been their kid I would've been loved. I AM loved by Vicki. Like I'm her own. So many things could've been different. I know it's pointless to dwell on that, but it is depressing.

Things do get better as you get older. I take care of myself now and I take joy in that. I'm a happy person, but every now and then shit raises it's ugly head.

Just needed a good rant. End of bitchfest.

 

I hope your mom is able to wake up out of the fog her husband has her in...it's a shame when good people end up in a relationship with someone abusive like that...I hope she wakes up one day and can stand up for herself and get away from the guy!

 

Thank you. I hope so too.

 

I'm really sorry you've had to endure this, and your Mom too. Don't ever forget your Mom loves you also - but it sounds as though he's made sure he left her a shell of a person. Sounds like brainwashing to me. You hear something enough about yourself and you begin to believe it.

She was a single Mom you said at one time. She probably has been divorced then? Tell her you're sure God will forgive her, for saving herself. I'm not a church goer or a christian, but if there's a God, I'm sure he wants the best for us.

How old is she? She must be rather young (45 or so?), she's still got time to change her life for the better.

 

Actually, my mom wasn't married when she had my brother, and she just turned 54.
I think she's still got time, if she'd take advantage of the opportunity.
I've asked her before why it was ok for Dad to get divorced the first time, and if God sees marriage as an eternal contract, why he wouldn't recognize the first marriage as the legit one. She never did answer, I guess I stumped her. She'd probably say it's because his first wife was an awful woman, harmful to Dad and the kids. But I don't think she realizes she's enough of a victim to justify a divorce.

 

Even if you were adopted, who would stand up for your mother, or help her out? Not to mention being and emotionally dead paranoid schizophrenic cause you're pretty much all alone when you're adopted. Either way, as long as you're happy with who you are now...would you really change anything?

 

Very nice perspective, thank you.

 

I take it you're mom's a Christian? You might point out to her that most forms of Christianity usually allow for divorces and annulments in cases of abuse.

 

What in the hell are you talking about?

 

You guys who say your bad experiences in life make you stronger are lucky. Mine did nothing but shatter me to pieces.

 

No you don't Deep down you need your family. Deep down you wouldn't trade them for anyone else in the world. Aside from the fact you may dislike them, they are the only family you have. Your adulthood will be governed by how you get on with your family now. If you become devided, you will become alone with only few friends. But then friends can leave you, family won't. Even the best of friends can ditch you when things are down. but a family won't. (well atleast most families. If not, then the family needs some kind of mediation).


I wish I was in your shoes. I would trade places with you. You are lucky to have a family. To wish you was adopted, would be like Oliver Twist saying: "I love being an orphan".

 

I've tried telling her that, but she doesn't listen. It'd be very hard for her to have to take care of herself. She's in poor health and she hasn't worked in about 30 years. I guess she's just afraid of not having him to depend on.

 

You're actually right on, I wrote this in a bout of sadness. There's only one family member I would without a doubt trade, and that's my dad. If I never saw him again I'd be happy.

 

hmmm, u can try the whole, 'no one is perfect and everyone has sin and thats why we have jesus to forgive us' logic on her.

 

Y'all underestimate her stubbornness. It's hopeless, I was just venting.

 

I might make a note. Anyone who consults the Good news won't be dissappointed. Even if one isn't religious, some of the advice contained in the Proverbs stand the test of time. They are useful. Live life to the full, appreciate your youth for when you get old, the days will get darker. The Bible is actually a good source of support. Nobody has to be religious, just make sure you have it on your shelf

Turn to it in adversity. Whatever floats your boat

 

I ran away as a kid and took a beating for it when I got back home. Fast forward 30 years and I'm a care giver to those same people. Time changes everything, I won't say it heals, some wounds never heal. But they are only a very small part of what you are and will become. Wrap your mom in love. Be as supportive as you can be, and look to local agencies, churches, women's groups, for help getting her into counseling. That's the first step in getting you both out of there. He doesn't deserve the title of either father or husband.

 

I suppose due to my tragic childhood and the devisions of the family. You can call me Poorviolet. You have a family, count your blessings. When you were born, you were dealt a good hand. As for me, I have no more ace to play. Additional: My honest approach by revealing to members how tragic my life was and has become, is designed not only as a personal therapuetic tool, but to make people like yourself realise how lucky you are. A family, if there was anything I wanted this Christmas, it would be to have my Welsh family around me. I aint seen nor heard from them for twenty years. I have seen my mum in various institutions, but that is a common familiarity with my life. Institution after institution, the same sterilysed smells, the same 1980's teddy bears all placed in a crumbling tower one side of the room, whilst a social worker sits with a skirt north of the knee writes notes whilst me and my mother attempt to ignore our surroundings.

 

Wow, you lived in my house? I'm sorry to hear about this, I went through the same exact thing.

 

I'll adopt you if you like - I don't have any kids myself and I'm going to need someone to look after me in my old age, which is starting to loom on the horizon.