Listening to this song, I think of our relationship like a game of ping-pong, Always challenging each other, Never thinking of love thy brother, Until Friday it ended, And all the sudden i felt winded, I went to Emily to cry on her shoulder, And she helped me through it {strong as a boulder} I just hope we are still as good as friends as ever And as for our relationship {I never say never}.
Nice one! Usually these kinds of poems echo too much of teenybopper style and word choice. But your piece didnt strike a negative chord, so something must be right! I liked these two stanzas Good use of brackets there and the last 3 words are basically my motto.
Good unit breaks! Yr ideas are strong. Just devote a little more time to punch. By focussing on how your lines work- their rhythm- you'll discover how to make each part really work. Something like- Listening to this song You and me, we're like pingpong...
