do men suddenly think you're all about the cock???? ok. here's the deal. came out as a lesbian nearly 12 years ago. never been with a man, in 11 years. a year ago, out of nowhere, i meet a guy online, grow a friendship, and dammit, i fall in love. here starts messiness. a relationship with him is what works for me right now. we're open/polyamorous, so it's not that i'm frustrated with our agreement, with who we are as a couple, or any of that. we have an incredible relationship, and it works really well for us. the frustration is that to continue calling myself lesbian completely excludes him from the very important lover/relationship role that he plays in my life. plus i'm wanting to explore whether or not i'm more bi than i originally thought. i guess i'm just at a point in my life where i am growing as a person, and i feel like i've been excluding a lot of things from my life which could be really fulfilling, and i want to start pushing my boundaries a bit. so i settled on "labeling" myself as bi. i hate labels anyways... why can't i just be me!!! but suddenly, it's like i'm bombarded with sexual vibes from guys. like men just can't seem to get the idea that a bi chick might ACTUALLY prefer pussy to cock, and that it would be the rare man who actually would vibe with me. or once they know it it's a huge he-man show to try and convince me he's "different from any other man, baby. i'm the real deal, and i'll make you forget about women, unless it's a three-way, mm baby yeah." it's disgusting. i'm noticing this online a lot (which is sometimes more real than "real life") as well as in person. i walk past guys in the store, and it's like i have "bi" stamped on my forhead, and it feels like the guys who find me attractive feel like i'm obligated to want to blow them or fuck them retarded. but i tend to pick up on a lot of what other people are feeling/thinking, and maybe i just never noticed it before, because men just weren't part of anything i ever thought about or related to. are guys really that self-centered (or rather, penis-centered) that they really think all women long for a huge cock? i've discovered that the right one, attached to the right guy can be very very nice. and i'm exploring my feelings, both romantic and sexual, with males. i've finally gotten comfortable with the fact that i'm totally in love with and strong soulmates with my current man. and i love the cameraderie of a relationship with a man. it's incredible - for me, it's very relaxing because it's a lot less dramatic... but thinking about this attraction thing spreading to other men... it scares, confuses, and totally freaks me out. and these idiot meat-heads are not helping! sorry for the rant guys, and please... i intend no offense towards men, though i seem to be very man-hating right now, that's not my true feelings on all levels, and of all the men who have been very open, accepting, and supportive, it has been the gay and bi men i know. i'm just so pissed off at straight men in general at the moment, i don't even know what to do. this whole growing process is tearing me up, and i just had to put it out there and hope someone else understands my frustrations, fears, desires... the whole emotional kit and caboodle. lol... didn't think i'd ever type that in a sentence... thanks for listening!!!
Ha...."fuck them retarded." That had me giggling through the rest of your post. No, guys totally think that "bi" means "insanely horny and will fuck anything". It's because of all the sluts in college who would get drunk at bars and make out with each other just to get attention. I actually have no idea if that last part is true. But I can see how it would be incredibly annoying. Maybe you should have a t-shirt made that says "My sexuality is that I like having sex with people who are not you."
lol... glad you like my wording! thanks for making me feel like i'm not the only one who notices these things. thought i was going crazy... it seems that many males have not looked up the true definition of bisexual, or really don't care. and that makes me lose faith in the straight male gender. which is saddening to me. i just wish sexuality didn't always have to have a tension to it. like... if more people got comfortable with their sexuality at all ranges of it... maybe there wouldn't be such a push to choose a label like gay, straight, bi, and people wouldn't get so freaked out by those different from them, and so on. it just feels like everyone has this "i get mine, you can get yours" kinda mentality about sex. like it's in limited supply and we gotta fight over it. jesus christ people! that's just nuttiness! but yeah, thanks for listening to my rant and making me feel a bit better miss mollyboston! you rule!
I so agree about labels. I have the same issue with vegetarianism, actually...I don't eat much meat, but sometimes I just want some freakin' bacon, and vegetarians get all uppity with me about it! They're all "You're not a real vegetarian!" and I'm like "Exactly! So?" How about if my label is "I eat whatever I want and you can eat a big bowl of shut the hell up?" Similarly: I mostly like boys, but I've had sex with girls and I plan to have sex with more girls because it's fun, and girls are soft and have nice hair. But I don't need people to have huge debates over whether I count as bisexual or not! I've had bi people tell me I don't count as bi (and get kindof upset about it), and straight people tell me I'm obviously bi (and imply that I'm a big fat liar). My new label is "I like to be fucked retarded." I'm attracted to anyone who can do that.
It just sucks how the human nature puts labels on other people, and that's what affects how they'll act/make certain decisions around those people.
I had just written a pretty long post that I lost when this program crashed.I hate when that happens damnit!.Well I agree,nakedtreehugger.So many straight guys are entirely self-centered,It's all about them.I had some straight guys,friends really mess my head up.I was freaking out confused about my sexuality so I told them (Strictly for support!)I trusted them.I knew them for many years,and in my confused despesperate state they hit on me.I never even knew they might like men,again I knew them for years.I've had friends sleep with my gf's and alot of horrendous shit.I know where you're coming from.It sounds like you've found a good guy so don't let your anger and confusion tear that apart.There are probably more ignorant,selfish,hypocritical idiots than there are true loving people,or at least it can seem that way.I know how it is with picking up vibes from people,I'm really sensitive to that kind of thing myself and it makes it really difficult for me,it drives me half insane.You're not living your life for them and they don't pay your bills so try to ignore it and focus on the people who are not like that,they are out there.Ignore the assholes there just not worth getting upset over.I have the same problem so I'm not preaching in anyway just giving support.It's really a bitch.I just focus on the few people in my life that are'nt idiots and I'm glad I have them,their my life preservers. Hang in there
thanks guys, for making me feel better. i kinda forgot that i started this thread.... i appreciate that i'm not alone in feeling this way lol!
How would strange guys at the store know you're bi? Have you considered whether it's possible that what's happening is that you are suddenly aware of men as sexual beings and as such are more aware of their interest in you, which previously you would have ignored? You are an attractive woman, and healthy men are probably eager to vie for your attention... that's normal, and has nothing to do with being bi. I realized I was bi when I was about 14, and started dating women when I was about 19. I haven't noticed a different reaction from men in general based on whether they know I'm bi, although in some crowds (usually younger, more suburban types) I do get the automatic assumption that I'm slutty, or that I'll be happy to go have a threesome with them (sorry guys, I'm not here to fulfill your fantasies... I prefer one-on-one) but for the most part, guys are ALWAYS hoping that an attractive woman wants their cock.
that's the idea..... i definitely get the same thing..... a lot of guys don't understand that I am almost exclusively into women at the moment (my girl and I both dumped our boyfriends for each other haha) and they all think that they still have a chance.....it really bothers me..... I was hanging with my girl last night at a party and this guy we know kept interrupting us and trying to hug us and was like "hey, you guys are hot, want to hook up?" I wanted to kick his ass and so did she
ok im a straight guy just so ya know but dont hold that against me i totaly understand what your saying i was in a situation very much like you i had a girl who all her life was a lesbian fall in love with me too and ya we had to have a polyamourouse understanding as well but heres the thing she changed her orientration from les to bi and damn if we didnt see the exact same thing.. in a way i think its part of what went wrong with her you see she had possibly been mistreated the most of any1 i know by guys when really young and i was the only guy shed ever trusted enough to even concider a relationship[ with but then when guys started giving her so much attention and agressivelky persuing her i think it brought up aloit of those traumatic memmories again and kinda pushed her over the edge.. ya know what id suggest maybe is since your probly 97% more into girls why not just hold onto the lesbian label but just be a lesbian with a boyfreind? i dunno..but i do understand why ya feel that way...hugs oh also..i've been payin attention to your journey of self discovery ..and im impressed with how deeply you examine yourself
Life is too short and sweet to live within the confines of other peoples labels and limits. Define yourself and live true to that...what else can you do?
Why is it that when you tell straight guys that you're gay, they immediately assume that you're attracted to them?
It reflects their insecurity I think. Some men would feel rejected if they weren't seen as a sexual prize by male, female or half the animal kingdom. Therefore they must assume you would want to be their lust puppy. Not all straight guys are so stupid but, you're right, a fair number are that dumb.
lol... bad cheesy joke here... but i generally don't hold any part of myself against straight men... ok, sorry... just had to, cause i'm in that kind of a goofy mood! nice to know that other people have similar situations as i've found myself in! and i've kinda come to that conclusion too... i'm a lesbian who happens to have a male lover. sometimes i get frustrated because i feel the need to "prove myself" a lesbian to the gay community, because i'm with a guy. like i'm stuck inbetween two groups of people, and i don't really fit anywhere. and i like that, but then i've kinda always felt like the gay community was the only family i had, and things are a little different now, and it's all wierd. but california is already promising to be wayyyy easier in a lot of ways with this whole situation!!! yay for hot chicks in markets, and people who are all about a range of sexuality rather than a bipartisan system! and thanks for the hugs... you give the best hugs, even on the internet! and yes, i have been very deeply examining myself! i kinda have no other choice, as the way i had been living just doesn't work anymore! lol thank you to everyone who has posted.... i started this thread because of a very frustrating day, and i needed to vent... and it's turned into this huge blessing to see that other people feel the same way, and understand where i'm coming from! love love love to all of you!!!
