I copied this from another forum. Just a warning. My story of a 10 year temazepam addiction: Hallo, I'm new here, but I have been lurking around for approximately 6 months, maybe more and maybe less, I am not sure. I am from Switzerland and my name is Tobias and I'm almost 28 years old (on October 27). In the time I have been lurking, I have witnessed many people make discussions about benzodiazepine addiction and withdrawals, but I finally decided that it was time for me to join and share my story. Let me first say that benzodiazepines are not magical pills that end our suffering, anxiety, or sleeping problems. In fact, they make everything worse. If you can't sleep, you'll get more severe insomnia. If you have anxiety problems, they will eventually make them even worse, especially when not on BZD's. I have been addicted to temazepam for the past 10 years. I never got a prescription for it, I just bought it off the streets. I use it orally, rectally, injection (IV) it when possible or when the appropriate form of temazepam is available, and have tried other forms of administration like smoking, but it's a waste or the form of temazepam for such uses is not yet available, though I have heard it has appeared in Russia and Belarus. I do not know the chemistry behind it, and have yet to even see it or even touch it. However, smokeable forms of the drug are reportedly available in Russia, Belarus, and possibly Estonia or any of the other Baltic nations. My first BZD experience was with diazepam (Valium) and it was a prescription. Anyways, from diazepam prescription in 1998, I am now a user of street temazepam. Next to diazepam and temazepam, I have also tried flunitrazepam, alprazolam, oxazepam, clonazepam, nitrazepam, bromazepam, lorazepam, flurazepam, bentazepam and triazolam. I will use any BZD I can find to help keep withdrawals away, but temazepam is the one which I fell for in the beginning and have since never forgotten. It's also popular and easy to acquire on the streets, which makes it even more desirable. The others do not seem to be as popular and so therefore not as common on the streets as T is. I also use other drugs, opiates, marijuana, cocaine occasionally, and amphetamines on a more regular basis then cocaine, marijuana, and opiates. Cocaine I mostly use as a quick way to wake up if I do too much temazepam, I sometimes use amphetamine for the same purpose. I have also experimented with other drugs like ketamine and ecstasy. Back to my 10 year addiction: It was alright the first maybe 2 years, but after that my entire life was ruined by temazepam. My memory is washed. I can't remember what I ate in the morning, I can't remember what I wore the day before, I can't remember which channels are which while watching tv, sometimes I can't remember my address, phone number, and other important numbers - usually I have to sit and think for anywhere from a few seconds to maybe an hour. I feel like a retard almost all the time because I know for a fact my brain is toast. I have problems doing anything that might require a lot of brainpower. I cannot at all do anything which requires quick thinking, like brain storming ideas and saying or reading things fast. I stutter often and sometimes say things that are incoherent right in the middle of a conversation with somebody, and I have no control over it. On top of that, I have developed chronic ptyalism (chronic drooling), which I never had before and 2 doctors have told me that it is highly likely that it is a consequence of my temazepam abuse. Besides that, I have developed several conditions which were directly or indirectly caused by my excessive temazepam abuse. Some of these include inner ear problems which have caused vertigo issues and nystagmus. A noticeable amount of "fine motor skills" damage and slight disturbances in "gross motor skills" are apparent. I have developed dysnomia 2 and 1/2 years ago, this was directly caused by my temazepam abuse. Speech and tongue problems (besides the drooling) are not noticeable right now, but my specialist says that in less then 5 years I will have noticeable deterioration in speech skills (mostly related to expression and memory). I also have a lot of trouble gaining any weight, at almost 28 and 5 ft and 10 inches tall, I only weigh close to 66 kg (145 lbs). When I began using BZD's, particularly temazepam, I was 18 and I weighed almost 77 kg (170 lbs). Besides the physical damage, psychological disorders that might have been there before I started using, are now exponentially worse and I have developed other ones on the way. I suffer depression (ranges from moderate-severe depending on the circumstances, situations, people, and even seasons), Dermatozoenwahn (organic secondary delusional parasitosis), bipolar disorder II, severe generalized anxiety and major panic attacks, and post traumatic stress disorder. I also have ADD, but that was there before the addiction began. Since about almost 6 years now, I have completely abandoned any treatment I used to get for ADD (which was atomoxetine briefly, then methylphenidate for a few years, and amphetamine last). Abuse of temazepam has caused me so much, even in withdrawal it has caused me dearly. I have repeatedly paid and paid, nearly with my life on many occasions too. From overdosing from way too much temazepam or of mixtures with alcohol to seizures, muscle rigidity, shaking, pain, hallucinations and psychotic states during withdrawal, all the way to suicide attempts and IV problems and infections. I find that temazepam's pleasures are no more or very little as a result my tolerance. It is so high that it requires at least several grams of temazepam a day (I can't even count how many 30 mg, 60 mg, or 90 mg capsules, which are available illicitly, would be required daily. I can't even begin to imagine the amount of the legal prescription 10 mg and 20 mg capsules or tablets would be required - even temazepam powder which can be parachuted, but not snorted and other forms of the drug would require and demand a serious amount of energy to consume), but getting over the withdrawals is a living, breathing nightmare. Psychological withdrawal is also difficult, but the physical withdrawal is intense. It has totally ruined my life, I can't do anything properly, I can't eat properly, I can't sleep properly, I can't shower myself properly, I can't remember anything, I can't do sometimes simple things, I can't cope with any kind of stress, and I have a severe problem with letting go. I feel like I have nothing to live for anymore because this addiction has already taken everything important from me. I feel that there is no point in recovery, because the damage has been done and it's permanent, so what is the point? I tell you right now, as sad as I realize this is, the best thing for me personally is to continue using temazepam until it's all set and done. However, it took over 10 years of heavy use to get where I am today, so anyone with a BZD dependence or feels like they may be starting to get dependent on BZD's (especially temazepam, and other medium half-life strong insomnia benzodiazepines) should stop NOW! After a certain point, you are finished - for example, I have passed the point of return due to extremely heavy daily use of temazepam for over 10 years. But many are still okay, even after 5 or even 6/7 years of therapeutic use. Therapeutic use and abuse are very different and results will not be nearly as bad, I can attest. The damage done is often irreparable and very bad, so it's not worth it at all. MRI scans of my head have been clearly explained to myself and my family by doctors, they have been compared to others with normal people, other severe BZD addicts (mostly temazepam here in Switzerland), and those in therapeutic use for many years of different kinds of BZD's. Those with bad temazepam addictions, like myself, have drastically different pictures within the brain. I say anyone using BZD's (especially temazepam, and other medium half-life strong insomnia benzodiazepines) should immediately stop! I say this from personal experience with the evils of temazepam and its abuse. Everything I have tried has failed. Tapers with diazepam have failed and other alternative methods and tapers with other BZD's and drugs (including clonazepam, chlordiazepoxide, oxazepam, various long acting barbiturates like phenobarbital and methylphenobarbital, and even nitrazepam and flurazepam along with supportive medications like antidepressants, phenytoin, muscle relaxants, progabide, vigabatrin, and even kavapyronen (Kava products) and other drugs) have failed over and over again or produced very little results. The most time without temazepam (or any other BZD) I have had in the last 10 years, was a brief 13 day period in which I was hospitalized in Germany and being treated for my addiction. There have been other occasions where I would be free of temazepam for anywhere from 1-9 or 10 days. This usually happens after a suicide attempt, hospitalization due to overdose, highly dangerous or risky behavior while under the influence of temazepam (such as aggressive behavior which includes attempts at assaulting others, falling or jumping from high places, high-risk sex, playing with fire, walking or running into streets full of vehicles (sometimes naked), and other risky behaviour), or due to another condition, and periods of severe manic, delusional, or psychotic states have also landed me in psychiatric hospitals for days at a time. Attempts at detox always fail, and it's not a lack of will, but rather as a result of an extremely exhausted mental and physical state. Whoever says that BZD's are not overwhelmingly psychologically addictive is very wrong and far from the truth. Whoever says that a physical dependence on BZD's is highly dangerous, but abstinence can be acheived, is right, but it requires the unlimited strengths of a mythical tiger or dragon or some other supernatural being. Benzodiazepines are a big waste of life, quit now to anyone who may be abusing them. All in all, I have a hellish life as a result of an evil and low-end, often underestimated drug called temazepam. It knows no such thing as mercy, if it did, it would have spared me, but it has stuck on me like as if it was always a part of me. Back when I first started and well into the 3rd year I always underestimated temazepam (all BZD's in general actually) as not major drugs of abuse or they were somehow not capable of causing extreme dependence, but I was as far from the truth as I can be. I didn't realize the addiction which crept up on me, slowly but surely. Temazepam's evils can be seen and felt by me and by many many people and families which have been touched by this (and similar) ugly and evil drug all across Europe and the world. I think more attention should be paid to this type of addiction, which seems to be getting worse and worse as a problem in Europe. Temazepam abuse went from local to widespread quickly and is getting more and more dangerous as years pass by, and I don't think the media and government programs are doing enough in demonizing the drug on television, radio, or posters. It needs more education and awareness, because back in 1998 I didn't even know what temazepam was, today it controls my entire life. Back in 1998 temazepam abuse was sporadic, but a major problem in the UK and a few small areas within continental Europe, not much bigger than sporadic abuse of temazepam or any other BZD in North America, which has a vastly different BZD abuse culture compared to Europe. Today it is a problem to many in the both Western and Eastern Europe. Along with temazepam, other BZD's are being abused on a massive scale and more than ever before. Temazepam's association with violent crimes is an important issue which the governments of the UK, Ireland, and Finland have effectively expressed through tv and education. In Switzerland, there isn't enough being done. Germany has mostly clamped down hard on the abuse and traffic of temazepam, but different areas are still problematic. Italy hasn't done anything (but its not so bad), and France still hasn't felt the full force of temazepam. shplongl and others, you have not been using for long at all, I highly suggest you should quit now. I am not sure of how bad things may be with lorazepam, but I doubt it will be much better than temazepam in the very long run. The end result is the same: severe mental disorders, bad physical and neurological problems, brain damage, and then death. It is not worth it at all. If you must use drugs, stick with marijuana or even ketamine and mdma and not get into amphetamines, cocaine, benzodiazepines, or opiates because they all are terrible. I have been to Germany, Austria, Sweden, and Finland for treatment and all have failed, only very brief success in Germany with the last resort use of a strong insomnia BZD such as nitrazepam and supportive medications, until I relapsed. Finland has a very high temazepam abuse rate, yet no proper treatment. Sweden also has a problem with temazepam (despite taking it off the market for years now), and also no proper treatment that works. The same is true of the United Kingdom, Ireland, Belarus, Russia, Netherlands, Estonia, Czech Republic, and Slovakia. All have bad temazepam problems, yet no treatment that will work effectively. Switzerland has a moderate problem with temazepam, same with Italy, Germany (mostly the far south or the Northeastern areas), Slovenia, and Belgium, so we are behind in coming up with a proper and effective way of treating BZD addiction (I believe the UK, Sweden, and Finland have the best knowledge on temazepam addiction; ironically, Germany was where I saw the most success). Other BZD's are also abused commonly, but temazepam is the most abundant on the streets, it's highly popular, it does its job soundly and quite enjoyable, and it's easy to use for IV (from even better types of temazepam found on the streets than the previous jelly capsules). BZD addiction is an ugly, dark and lonely road that leads to death.
Benzos kick ass. But yeah, the benzo addiction is legendary for being among the most difficult addictions to kick.
ive never done temazepam, but is the high really that much better than xanax or valium??? like more euphoria or something,,, and you said somewhere you cant snort temazepam but i was under the impression that was a much better way of consuming it than oraly...?
