When I do something wrong...

When I do something wrong.. my heart starts pounding, I get dizzy, I can't think straight and I sometimes start crying.

I feel bad when I order too many things online.
I get so nervous in public places, most of the time I avoid them.
My hands shake when I go grocery shopping.
I don't drive because I feel like the person I'm with is judging me, and they get mad if I do something wrong, and it makes me freak out.

When I was a kid, I would never grab what color of scissors I wanted cause I thought someone else would want it.
When the teacher would call me up to her desk, usually to give me an a I started crying cause I thought I did something wrong.
I constantly think I'm a bad person.

I'm 20 years old, and I feel like my life is almost over.

My family has been trying to get me into the music business since I was a kid, but I can't sing in front of anyone I don't know or my voice cracks and shakes.

I can't accept myself.
I have faith in anyone but myself.
I can't even talk in front of people, my tongue does something weird. Everything I try to say comes out wrong.

I want to be something but I can't. People say to get over it, I somehow want to blame my parents overprotectiveness as part of my agoraphobia. My dad didn't move out of his parents house till I was 17. My mom just kept me hidden from anything having to do with life. I left when I was 16 and I was thrown into a world of chaos.

Let your kids go to public school.

 

i kind of understand how you feel, but not to that extreme. learn to love and accept yourself, and you will be more confident and happy. sounds cliche and corny and all that, but it's true.

 

Read The Power of Now by Tolle and you may see that our minds can trick us.

 

Pshh, LUCKY. I wish I had a reason to hate being around people. I love people, but I hate em. Why do I love them then, you ask......they give me something to hate. But I digress.......wow, I'm sorry, but that's sad. You should be living in the mountains. Unless mountain goats give you the jeepers too.

 

I really don't hate people.. I love people.. but I think I'm intimdated by them.. what's the book about Putty?

 

The book exposes the trickery played on us by our own minds and ego's.

It showed be how the past and the future are among the most useful tools of the ego keeping us from realizing our true joy and life as a part of Being in the Present...The Now.

This is one of the most important books I've ever read.

 

I think i grew up with similar beliefs ... like i was just not as important or as worthy as anyone else. I'm the youngest of 3 boys and have a twin sister and we kind of always came last on the list of importance and were often just left to entertain eachother.
My mum and dad divorced when i was very young and she raised us kids and would tell us what a useless, selfish guy my dad was (he wasn't but that was her opinion) and somehow, by berating him i felt she was berating a part of me.
There are so many little things in my childhood which i think moulded the way i thought about myself and i think so many people feel these kind of insecuritys ... yet they hide them and struggle on.
Yet you saying this is so heartwarming and endearing, and by doing so you give others the opportunity to say "Me too!", and open themselves a little for some well needed sharing and healing.

Good for you to even say these things!

- Yeah, Eckhart Tolle is great!

 

"accept yourself"

this can be a little tricky if in fact what we may be accepting is a collection of add on's from birth and even pre-birth that when added together create the ego that ultimately runs most of our lives. Learning what is me and what isn't turned out to be a major short cut to being in the present and ultimately making the acceptance of my True Self possible and easy.

 

hmm yeah I kinda know what you mean I used to live overseas and i went to all private schools there and when i came to the us i went to a public school but it was liek a "school for the gifted" and everyone there was super school-focused.
i just moved to chicago and i go to a huge public school i've adjusted to it pretty well but at first i was just really intimidated by everyone and didn't talk much cause i thought everoyne would hate me.

I dunno just try not to care waht people think and also if you make everyone think you're outgoing when you first meet them everyone will believe it

 

Well here's a tip to help you with your singing (it helped me get over playing guitar in front of lots of people)

Nobody cares. Really, do you pay attention to everybody's single move they make? Do you focus in on them so hard that they can't concentrate? When you see somebody else make a mistake do you think "That person is a fucking idiot for doing that I hate them and I'm gonna make fun of them forever?

You probably don't. And trust me the others don't care either. I don't even really care but I'm just trying to tell you that NOBODY CARES.



btw I was being nice, but it's true. And you probably are good a singing

 

hi, i can totally relate, i was like that when i was younger, and my girlfriend is like that too although ive helped her alot with it as i helped myself. If you ever want to talk about i really think i could help at least to see it in a more comfortable light. delos124@gmail.com

 

thank you everyone i feel a little better now knowing im not too crazy.
sadly its affecting my marriage. :-/

 

just look at the bigger picture, you can serve your purpose of being a decent human being and a christian mystic much better by being more assertive. In a perfect work you wouldnt have to change, but in this world sacrifices must be made to create the heaven we seek. I hope everything works out, as you seem like a wonderful person