cant get along with my christian parents.

So, Ive posted things about my parents before. But heres the deal, theyre very strict christians, and Im their 18 yr old daughter who does not believe in the bible at all. Theyre pretty controlling in my opinion, judgemental, and miserable people. I love them, but Im not going to pretend to be a christian just to make them happy, which is what ive been doing for 18 years.

I finally discussed with them how I feel about religion. I wasnt hostile, I didnt knock their religion down. I just said I want to explore other possibilities. They told me Id go to hell forever, and told me Im a spoiled brat for not believing in god. (wtf?) A few days later, we started to get along ok and it seemed as if they accepted it.

Now its back to stage 1. My moms pissed at my way of life. Shes pissed at the fact that I go to festivals and concerts and how i dress. (competely minor and silly things to be mad about) She says my life is going nowhere (even though i get paid more than my 50 yr old mom does) and that I have no clue what life is all about and I need to find god.
I tell her Im happiest the way I am now, that I do have plans for the future, and I tell her I dont want to be religious by her will, but by my own choice.

Shes so convinced Im going to hell and all that crazy bs. and she keeps saying if I live the way I am I cant live here. I want them to be a part of my life... but I just dont know if they can be. Idk. Im not sure what to do. I could probably move out this summer... I just wish I didnt have to. But Im not just gonna let them tell me I have to be a christian... thats crazy. I really try to get along with them... it just seems impossible. Idk. Another thing is if I move out Ill be low on the moneys. Idk. Blegh. Poop. I hate religion.

 

MrsKringle - your post could have been made by me 25 years ago. The way I dealt with it is to leave home at 17. I know you don't want to pretend to be something you aren't, but I've found it better to just not discuss what my religious beliefs were with my parents.

Good luck. It took my mother many years to quit trying to save me and my kids. It almost got to the point of her not being allowed to see her grandchildren before she kept quiet.

 

The sooner you move out on your own, the better for all concerned.

Both sides need to chill for a while.



x

 

I agree. I think Im just gonna leave this summer. Im gonna be nice, tell them I love them and tell them that when they can learn to accept other peoples ways of life, they can be a part of mine. Because otherwise they just bring me down. Too bad its gotta be like that. religion sucks.

 

May I recommend you give something like the Peace Corps a chance? http://www.peacecorps.gov/

I think something with some structure would build what you need to face this problem. I knew a guy who lives abroad about 11 months of the year. Loves it.

Whatever you decide, don't burn any bridges.


x

 

xexon---sometimes bridges must be burned in order to get relief from intractable,my way or the highway people,relatives or not.I mean "thanks (toward mom and dad)for the biological trip into this life,but if you make me miserable---adios until you can respect me and my way of living".It sounds like her parents are allowing/making their religion take precedence over love for their own child.Now that should be "sinfull,"according to christian belief,shouldn't it?I say,just go your own way,mrs K.

 

I thought about the peace corps, but im not sure if i could do that. Idk. That would definitely take some time to think for me.

 

Scratcho, I think you're right on man. I've got one life, I've gotta start living it, and they're getting in my way. I'm all about coexistence, But they're just the opposite. I wish we could all be happy and agree to disagree. But thats not gonna happen. So I'm just gonna do my own thing and they can decide whether or not to accept it. I shouldn't let it piss me off... It's just that it more so makes me sad, because they're so miserable, and blindsided by religion. I'm gonna be alright though.

 

Excellant!

 

It's been my experience that most Christian parents are ignorant, pig headed jokes. Honestly, if they cherish religion more than their child, I'd say it's probably best for your mental health that you leave and don't look back. If they want to extend themselves, they will, but if not, don't worry about it, every young bird is meant to fly away from the nest.

 

Dude. Right on. Thats totally how I feel. It just troubles me.

 

My parents forced me to go to a Christian school, I was brainwashed for a while by the school (not my parents, they weren't really that into it until later on). Anyway, I didn't agree with my parents on a lot of things, religion, politics, social issues, etc. I'm me, and they are individuals with their own ideas. I have now come to realize that the way I handled things probably didn't help anything. I would "debate" things with them to prove my points, all in good fun I suppose, but it really didn't do much. I never changed their views on things. For a while when I was 17 I did explore other religions it upset my mother, and she made snide remarks, but aside from that she kinda didn't really get involved, other than to say she was praying for me. Blah!

Anyway, I don't see how moving out is the right thing to do. Can you support yourself financially if you do move out? I wish I had not moved out of my parent's house so young (it was for different reasons). There are far more opportunities for you if you stay at home and you don't have to spend all of your money on rent, and living expenses. I look at some of my friends who were able to buy their own homes when they were 22 years old because they lived with their parents and saved up money. I really wish I had done that, it would have made things much easier.

I know it is hard right now, but try to accept their ideas, and maybe just keep some of yours to yourself. You don't have to agree with what they think, but I just think it is best to try to keep the peace.

My mom and I still have very differing views on religion and she still tells me that she prays for me. But I know it is because she loves me, not because she is trying to hurt me. Now when she says that, I just say thanks mom, I need all the help I can get. Which is true, how can it hurt to have someone praying for you?

 

Bear-with all due respect,I disagree vehemently.People that have absolutely no give to them at all--the kind that are always right and you're always wrong-they critisize,give you no respect ,and generally make you feel lousy,especially "true believers"should not be given the time of day,let alone any respect.It's a very sad fact that people like these will NEVER change their behaviour and will continue to make her life miserable.Even for their own flesh and blood.She needs to get away ,make her own way in the world and if the parents never come to their senses---chalk it up to experience.We don't always get decent parents and if they have a lick of sense they will see the error of their ways.Not likely tho.

 

That's cool, I figured most of you will miss the point. You'll figure it out when you are older and you stop thinking that people who think differently from yourself doesn't deserve any respect. You'll figure it out when you really learn to love and appreciate your parents even though they are flawed. I stopped arguing with people over their religion a while ago. I just live and let live. It drives religious fanatics crazy. I just roll my eyes and believe that they are brainwashed and don't know what they are talking about anyway. How do you argue with someone who has brainwashed or is crazy? Well, if you do, then you are just as crazy.

I still think it is an extremely bad idea to cut off one's parents for the mere fact that you differ in opinion. One would have to be filled with a lot of anger and hatred and very little tolerance or love to be able to do something like that. Running away from problems and screaming a "big fuck you I'll do whatever I want," never really got anyone anywhere. How can you stop loving your parents over something like this? How can you hurt them so badly over something as stupid as this? Like I said when you grow up you'll figure it out.

 

I didn't miss your point.I just absolutely disagree.My parents did not care for me and showed it by their actions.There I was,a freshman in high school,6'3" and tough as nails----reduced to tears because of the things that happened to me.The last time I talked to my"dad" was to try and get together for xmas--hadn't seen him in a few years.Wicked step mother answered the phone ,told him my idea.His responce was "tell him to go fuck himself".I never did anything to him.Never."mom" took off when I was 3,disappeared for a few years into Mexico with another man,lived in a car and tried to put me in an orphanage.Respect them ??No fucken way.This is just the surface bs that I'm mentioning,which I don't feel all that comfortable in doing.I got nothing from those people.They're dead and that's a good place for them.

 

just dont make a big deal of it anymore, if they wanna believe that let them. when your mom or dad gets mad at you for not thinking like here just say mom i realize we believe different things and im not putting down your beliefs so why do you have to put down mine?