Hey, I'm new here. I love writing poetry, but I havent been able to write much lately. I'm not quite sure what I think of this one yet, so I'd love to hear from you. When will you be here with me in the rifting silence that is my life. If I should suddenly cease to be would you, like me, be suddenly free? Of the many places I've come to wander, Of the many hopes I've dared to ponder There are none so far away as you. You who lay like willow trees In dreams and beams and inexplicable extremes. When will I be redeemed? Your esteem has floated far away; The oceans opened wide To swallow me, And blunders never cease To follow frozen seas. Did you see where I went When they rallied me? Maybe, if we knew, I'd sober free. And the beauty of your starry eyes Would be enough that weighted me. Else I'm obliged to understand The depth of all my years, Which reasoned past my fears. I'll be sentenced past repentence, And past the love of your embrace. I always knew that fate was never late, But still it caught me by suprise. Past this horizon death will die And the sky will fade resilient. And I, like deaf and dumb, With all my homely lacking sums, Will succumb to numb In one last whispered sigh.
WoW Really intense, I like it alot. It's really deep. I like how it follows the original thought so well. Cool, J
i really really liked the 1st one....though it was a bit corny w/ "willow trees", i guess im not on the proper wavelength or thoughtful enough with reguards to the poem to understand (i could give more effort....) but i really enjoyed it. and im not overexagerating when i say i havnt enjoyed a poem as much as that in at least a year. wasnt perfect tho.....i tend to enjoy more set pattern rhyme schemes if i really had to say.....id paint your poem with purple and grey and i dont just say that to everyone
thank you! its all suppose to be one poem, but i tried to give it division. the few things i have written in the last year have tended to be lacking rhyme schemes, but i use to do a lot more with that. i guess i just feel a little lost right now. and lol i can be a bit cheesy. but when i think about him, thats the first thing i picture. i dont know why. is there anything in particular you think i should change or do differently? other than rhyming, i can try and go back. reword things so they flow better that way. but while im at it is there anything else?
