I just don't give a fuck about anything

Well, pretty much anything and everything... I think I really am becoming insane. I used to care about everything so much, but I just don't anymore. I look at the world and see how fucked up it is. I manipulate people, my friends, family, my girlfriend. I steal things(Nothing big, just like random shit I like, like lets say a certain kind or color of pen from art class, nothing more then that really) and I just don't care. I don't feel guilty about ANYTHING I do. I have the ablility to diminish a persons personality and life and feelings down to nothing easily with nothing but words. I can make people cry and make them feel horrible and shitty as hell, I really don't know why, I just do. I get no satisfaction out of doing anything of this, but I don't feel guilty, there is no reason for me to be the way I am to people, and the world, I have a negative veiw on just about everything. The sad thing is, no one realizes that I do any of this to them, i've got everyone so well manipulated they have no clue what i'm actually doing. I lie about everything, I exagerate everything too. There is no reason, I just do. I love my girlfriend to death, but whenever i'm not around her it's annoying as hell talking to her when i'm not by her side. I don't like talking to her when i'm not around her, like on the phone or something, But she doesn't ever realize it because I just "feel happy" in that moment, but i'm really not and annoyed, it's not acting happy... It's hard to explain. But then why is it when I am around her I care about her so much, true feelings, I love her, i'd do anything for her(Litterally) but not when i'm not with her? WTF? I could say so much more, but I just can't think of anything else to say. well one other thing, I act different around every single one of my friends, like a completely different me for each friend. I don't know why, I don't fake thoughs mes, they just come out on their own around thoughs people. well... Yup. That's me, what the fuck is wrong with me?

 

Penis.

stop smoking weed

 

so weed does this to me?

 

I have no idea.... but its possible.

Weed as itself is not mentally harmful... but with some people it can effect them negatively... it might have nothing to do with your situation but try stop smoking it for a month and if you see an improvement then bobs your uncle fannys your aunt.

 

ya i can agree with the manipulative side of your post, but thats only just because it's so easy to do to the people who "love" and "trust" you. they make it easy for you to manipulate them because they would never believe that you would. people you consider your friends aren't going to be looking over their shoulders for you to pull a quick one on them...which is why your actions all seems so flawless to you.

as for the satisfaction of manipulation and feeling guilt free, i feel that i can someone relate to that although its started much before i started smoking. i feel like its mostly just a social boredom, like your barely stimulated by the people you're surrounded by. i personally once thought i was a sociopath but my circumstances differ from your own

 

And neither of you two feel there's something wrong with this behaviour?

When someone's my friend, I'll die for them, I go to the end of the world and back for a friend, and you guys are willing to take advantage of that?

No wonder why I don't have many friends, jackasses all over the fucking place.

 

apathy is normal you would be surprised
how many people feel the same way you do

 

your age says your 16.
i felt the same exact way when i was around that age..
it lasted for a little while, coming back & going away.
but now i'm over it.. i chilled out alot more and learned to appreciate the things that i took advantage of over that time period.


you'll get over it i'm sure..

 

Now I never said I was like that. I CAN control this and I realize it's happeneing. I've actually set a goal for myself today to realize what i'm doing and stop it before it occers and just be myself.

I would NEVER kill anyone. I WOULD feel guilty for that. and you know... I can think of a few people I would die for and go to the end of the world for.

 

I think you stepped into the emo portal.

 

stop smoking pot for a while, it does influence your thoughts in more ways than you'd expect. maybe it 'll change. what you also could try is just to be honest with people. the reason you actually don't feel guilty for your behavior is because you fake it and somehow can think of it as if its not your own behavior

 

lay off the weed dude.

 

oh man your sooooooo emo! you dont give a fuck! hahaha
grow up

 

I'm not emo at all, did you even read my post? I read about something called Boarderline personality disorder. Everything i've read about it seem EXACTLY like what I have been like.

 

ya i'm not saying that this is something i get kicks out of...but in high school i was easily distracted by loopholes in conversation or in actions. i'm not saying i agree with the way i used to be, only that i can relate. through time, and soulsearching, this phase will pass and appreciation for truth and honesty in the people you surround yourself with, will become apparent

 

I didn't read your post, but we all go through these things at one point or another. Increase or decrease your drug use at your own discretion. Maybe get a new hobby or something.

 

dont blame it on the weed man.

Icktongo, have you heard of karma?!?

 

hi,
You dont need to listen to more negative thoughts right from others posts.
It is like a drug addiction. You made the first step and ackwnoledged that you have a problem and need help.
So you should be proud of yourself for that!

i dont know what your family life is like, but that can contribute to things.
I think you need to see someone, ex. therapist to help you evaluate your life and help you fix it.

Good luck!

 

thats me... minus the GF part.
well it was more like me, ive changed on some aspects, it will go just like it came.

 

Hi Icktongo1,

Post back and let us know how you are doing.
I hope things have been better for you since you last posted.
If not, is there anything we can do to help?

:juggle: