whatever. (this is an extremely long rant)

Fucking A I have to write this shit all over again. Just so you guys know, in my private time I'm a writer, so this is going to be extremely long considering I got stalked from my old website and deleted my site, and I need to get out my frustrations.

I hit the back button.
So anyway it turns out I have SAD. which is some weird medical mental shit.

It makes me depressed and angry on shitty days.
Now I know why poets related depression to stormy clouds.
There's a bunch of assholes on here, so I just wanted to say fuck you assholes.
There's a bunch of really good people on here, so here's a sticker.:spam:

Todays a really nice day.
And I have a pack of cigarettes.
I feel like going for a walk.
I hate people who judge me for smoking while they're smoking. (Hi dad.)
I got some ylang-ylang oil in the mail the other day it's helping a lot with my depression.

I hate being depressed and not knowing why and then finding out it's from the freaking weather. I never realized that the snow in NY was making me suicidle. Actually, I never even really came out about being suicidle until right now, but who cares, it's sunny out and I'm not suicidle right now, but I feel really suicidle when people judge me ... so please don't judge me. The next time I check this it may be raining.

My sticker posted for the nice people earlier just made me want spam.
I hate spam.
I have to make dinner tomorrow. I'm thinking we should just go out for toasted lobster ravioli.

It pisses me off, that I have my life more together than both of my parents. I'm married, my dad hasn't ever been married and my moms been married like four times. Actually, I change my mind, I don't really care. It's their life. I just wish my dad would call sometimes. I wish my mom would stop screening her calls. I hate answering machines.

My husband and I are going to the farmers market soon. I can't remember if farmers markets take credit cards or not. Probably not. Fucking hipp-.... hit.. men.... hitmen... at.. farmers.. markets.. not taking .. credit cards. :huh:

You know what I really want: Sushi. Sushi sounds good.
Too bad it's cooked in acid.

Who cares, it's natural acid and worth it. I really don't know if that's true or not. I hate.. having to hear.. lawn mowers. At 9:33 AM I don't care if I haven't slept yet. I haven't been able to sleep cause I have had so much crap on my mind.

2:03 AM "Gotta work."
5:23 AM "Is it time to work?"
6:41 AM "Is it time yet?"
7:56 AM "What's on the news? Omg, I need to work.."
My brain kept doing that, like a fucking clock hooked up to a vibrator, and the fact that what I had just written made absolutely no sense at all should prove just how tired and worn out I am.

The truth is I don't even have to work. Seriously. I really don't have to. But, I like expensive objects. I used to be a hippy, I used to love goodwill and patchouli, and I still love my oils but I'm a luxury girl now.

I hate prada, I think it's ugly. But I like Juicy Couture. I like pink shit. And I'm not ashamed of using pink and shit in the same sentence, and this is my rant of my life, and shit I hate.

 

damn sweety
sadds (it is sadd noit sad i think) is roiugh the good news is the treatments rather simple.. sunklight any light really helps but suin especialy get more light in yoir life and i hope im 1 of the ppl u like
umm i hope im not being condensending here when i ask yas were u happier as a simple hippie with simple pleasures? just alwways seems the quest fopr expensive things can lead to such disatisfaction..
always here if u wanna talk
expecisly if u feel so dopwn your suicidal..pm me and u got my number .,.24/7 if u need to ill be there

 

I can't believe I swore so much. I apologize. I learned I can't be suicidle because I'm just upset that it's raining, and then the sun comes out and I won't be depressed. I don't really think I was happier as a hippie, back then I couldn't take anything, so basically I'm doing better now.

My husband wants me to get this special light thatI'm supposed to sit under... everyday.. something about UV rays or something I dunno. But it's supposed to help with the weather depression.. I just know right now I'm okay, I'm just really tired.
And again, sorry about the language that was innappropriate

 

SAD (seasonal affective disorder) really isnt the end of the world. i have it, been dealing with it for 6+ years now. mostly, get sun. in winter, there are special UV lights you can get (if you can spare the couple hundred for one), or going for regular walks even, vitamin d pills (lack of sun = lack of vit d = lack of serotonin = depression, to simplify SAD a bit). some say tanning works, some dont