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are u gay, how do u know u dont like having sex with women, cause u havent tried it, what is it u like about men, cause i am quite fasinated by there cocks and stuff, i dont think i cud ever fuck a mans ass though, just doesnt seem to appeal to me

 

That's a whole lot o questions u ask. I'll try not to forget anything.
About the top/bottom thin for gay/bi/straight point of view, let's say that i think it might be hard for a guy who renounces to girls because he discovers he's gay to to bottom. I say "might". For bi people, i guess it's easier, u play on both sides, so u can explore all the possibilities.
About coming out, true enough that you don't have to if it's not deeply in your mind, if you haven't tried it all, and of course if u don't feel like living this way, or being seen this way. I mean, my family doesn't know, my high school/college friends know, my colleagues don't, since i don't wanna be the gay guy of the customer marketing department. U choose how to define yourself. For me, i give priority to the fact that i'm funny, but complaining a lot, single, don't make a lot of effort to find someone. Being gay is just details.
About girls, sure i never slept with one, so don't know if i'd like it. But dating a girl was already hard enough, so i don't know if i could go any further.

And the last one, what i like about men. That's a tough one, like u were asked "what u liked about women?".
I guess "hot guys" is an obvious answer, so i'll find something else. I like the skin contact, i like when a guy holds me, i like having a guy on top of me staring at me, i can't resist when a cute guy, gay or straight, smiles at me and looks at me right in the eyes (actually, when that happens, i often have to look away, sounds like a shy attitude, maybe it is, maybe it's just to protect myself from straight guys who try to have these male bondings). That's a thing i like, being close to a guy. For straight guys, it's just male bonding, to me, it's bigger.

don't if that's a real answer. Turns out this question is harder than i expected...

 

so what happens with all this hocd business i got told i had i mean, i use to belive it, but now its like i no i want to be with a man, then somedays i go no i dont. its like a viscious cycle, how do u know i am sexually atrracted to them, and emotionally what are the signs i am looking for. I mean this has being on my mind for 5 years everyday 24/7 and now i use to think i wanted women, but its like i aint even bothered about them at all

 

Honestly, it's hard to tell. I read a paper about hocd this week-end, as we were talkin about it. Turns out hocd is more a "straight people" thing. a kind of fear of being or becoming someday gay.
You say it's been on your mind for years, and now, u don't really think about girls. Isn't it then more a closet thing? Somehow, you did feel something, but did not know how to interpret it. Maybe u needed time to process it all in your mind.

But now, as u say you are attracted to guys, u feel good with it? I don't say happy, because it's never easy to be "happy" with it first.
For the emotional signs, there are plenty of. feeling comfort, or just pleasure when close to a guy you appreciate, beyond simple friendship. Out of just cocks, a smile, holding hands, that can help working on it.

But of course, it's not easy. I mean, i'm gay for quite a while, i had some hook-ups, but just one real boyfriend, and that did not last more than a week. See, i love guys, but never found real comfort with one yet...

 

what do u mean more of a closet thing, please explain what you mean by that, i mean sometimes its like i have lost my attraction for women. when i say on my mind for years, like an abnormally time ov everyday, it is like on my mind 24/7 everyday , it can be there from when i wake up till going to sleep, thoughts about doing stuff to men, thoughts ov sexual acts, that i cant seem to control, what did u feel when u first had these feelings for men, what age were u, and when u first started having them how did u feel, and what did u go through and sort out ion ur head to understand that u were gay. when u see women aswell what do u feel, do u find pussy disgusting, sorry for all the questions just a very hard time for me like it has been for 5 years. i still flirt with women all the time though when i am out in the pub

 

Wow, that's a lot of questions, but it's cool to share this. I don't have gay friends or "hocd" people around, so kind of like sharing experiences.
By the way, when i say "closet thing", i mean maybe usomehow knew you feel things for men but did not feel ready to get on with it. If it had been hocd, it wouldn't have been on ur mind that long, and u wouldn't have "turned ur back" to girls that way.
I mean, you are gay, maybe some kind of bi, just don't know yet what's the split between boys/girls. How do u feel, more like 60/40 or 80/20 ? Have you already thought of that?
When i first had these feelings, i was pretty young, like in junior high school. Maybe 14 i guess. I had just one girlfriend before that, and i didn't feel anything with her, though i liked her a lot. So i just dumped her. There was this guy, he was like 16. I started liking him, physically, then thinking of me and him, him on top of me, him next to me... u can imagine. I did not felt that bad, i was more like worried, since my family is really not into the gay friendly mood, that's quite the opposite. Then, i went to another place for high school, and was like 15 when i first started to accept being called "bi", even calling myself bi, not to be the gay guy of the school, though i was. It was the beginning of TV shows like "Queer as folk", kind of helped me process it all.
As i was 17, i slept with my first guy. Somehow, it was a mistake, cause it was at a party, we were both drunk dead, he claimed to be straight, we did not know each other, and we never saw again. But it was great, i loved it, though we did not kiss or put any affection in the thing.
My first boyfriend was a mistake too. I was 19, he was 24, met in a bar. He went to me, i let him do, but he was a bit too queer to me. I love guys, "staight" looking guys. It's always so complicated to know what u really want.
Now, i definitely knw i'm gay. Not that girls are repulsive to me. I don't don't feel anything about girls, pussy, or boobs. When girls wanted to date me (there were not that much...), i did not say i was gay, i just act so they would give up. Never that easy to be the gay high school guy. When i was 17, lots of my male classmates were part of the rugby team, so u can guess what it's like to be the gay guy in such a class, even though i look and act straight. I was gay, i accepted it, my friends and other people knew, so nevermind. People i love can know, other people know me through my job, tastes... not because i'm gay.

Got a thing for u.
Have you tried gay porn? guess u did, just to get sure gay sex turns u on.
Have u tried gay-related movies or tv shows? if u have not, guess i could recommend u some, depends on what kind of things u want to see. So that u can see if gay relationships have any effect on u, as u still try to know what are the emotional signs.

 

I've been following this thread although I got frustrated 'cause I did'nt know how to help you anymore ukpokerplayer.
Any advice I might have had seemed to hard to put into words and it would have taken along time to just write a little.

I think Messiah has given some great advice here.
I'd try to follow it up.
You might learn more about your sexuality,and that's something you really need to do.


Joe,

Joy & Peace,....

 

but i havent turned my bak on girls matey, dont understand what u mean by that. and then u go i am gay, maybe kinda ov bi. This is the thing mate, when people told me i had hocd, they were like u ahve all the symptons and u defo have hocd, i come on here tio try and find out more answers, and u go to me, u are gay, maybe bi, The whole hocd thing is on ur mind 24/7, thats why it is an obbession, but i dont know still confused because i have being with women and enjoyed it, so for u to say i am gay, i think thats a bit harsh,

 

Come on dude, don't take it that way!
I suppose u are gay, or bi, compared to my own experience and the way i understand what u say. Maybe i'm right, maybe im wrong.
You just discovered your interest in girls has changed, and u have a certain interests in cocks. Meaning what? Either u are gay and trying to process it, or you are straight with a bi curious behavior (which is quite common, a lot of straight guys have experienced things with other straight friends, just so they know how it is, without being gay).
U come here for answers, but all we can provide u is advice, based on our own experiences. I mean, i still do have questions for myself, the thing is, i know i have to figure it out myself, the only thing i can find here is ways to look for the answer.
I can not assure you what your sexuality is. that's never easy, for none of us. And whatever the answer is, u don't have to get mad at anybody, or even at yourself.
Thing is, u have these feelings, and repressing them deep inside won't make them go away. So why not give it a try? Not the whole thing, but little stuffs that could tell you whether u like it or not.

If u wanna talk about it a bit more...
cypher_x9@hotmail.com
aim : exiles86

 

yeah it has become like just wondering what it would be like when i put myself in that place of the women suxcking the mans cock, sometimesi [picture myself doing to see my reaction but i dont know if i could actally go with a man physically and have a relationship aswell, like i said this whole hocd thing that people told me i had, i just dont know what to do

 

when u say maybe i am gay maybe i am bi from ur own experience and uderstanding, please explain, i know i like women though,

 

Well, how could i explain all that...
U like girls. U have sex with girls, u like going to girls in bars. Which makes u sound like a straight guy.
U are attracted to guys, sort of, physically, but that scares u. that makes u sound like a - no offense, i do that a lot - high school closeted gay guy. Which might comes from the fact that this thing is on your mind since late high school, right?
U have this thing on the inside, pushing u to guys, but each time, u restain it. U keep saying all the time "i like girls though". And that is pretty interesting: a few days ago, u said u started to be ok with the fact that u are attracted to cocks, but always saying "but i like girls", meaning u have a certain attraction for guys, but don't want to renounce heterosexuality.

I remember i was like that at the beginning. But i knew so deeply that i liked guys that moved on, saying i'm bi. So i could be myself without renouncing (in theory) to girls. see?

Let's say u re an in-between. Not really straight in your head, not really bi in the act, and so, not gay in the action too. It's more like an inner conflict, that's why i keep thinking you should experiment things. Not a big deal, but that would definitely give you a first answer to a huge question : "would i like it?".
Because right now, u say u like girls but u think of guys.
Then u could say, i like both. Or i like one more than the other. See, u wouldn't have to renounce anything.
Don't you think?

 

but closeted gay guy, that means i am gay, and dont like women, correct that is what u are saying. late high school this was out ov high school when his happened when i was like 19-20, i dont know what it is about cocks buti dont know if its the women sucking it, or i like the actual cock itself, are all gays attracted to coks, is that what makes someone gay. i like looking at pussy, tis and allsorts on a women, so saying i am closet gay is the wrong word to use

 

ok..., i just read this thread and just to kind of clarify..., i THINK he is saying that you are somewhere in between closeted high school gay guy, and strait guy

any help?

 

what the fuck does that mean closeted high school guy and straight guy, that doesnt help at all

 

Just thought i might put my 2 cents in. Bare in mind im neither stating a fact or not, just thowing out an idea. From my brief understanding, it kind of sounds like a "bi-curious" identity. I say bi-curious because to me that defines you opening to the idea of expressing feelings and/or acts you hold towards the same sex while still maintaining the same/similar attitude for the opposite sex. And i wouldn't call you closeted because you're confused about identifying yourself therefore its not really logical to admitting to an identity publicly.

However i can't explain what 'justCHILL' was saying.

PS: i applaud your ability to find this forum and talk about these troubles.

 

so when does tye stage become when u are closeted, i just cant stop thinking about it, and it is effecting my life, i seem so unhappy with it all, its like a constant battering in my head, this is why people said i had hocd, i think i actaully need therapy aswell because i cant stop thinking about it every mi8nute of the day

 

well i didn't really label myself as closeted until i defined myself as gay while no one else knew. and i still class myself as closeted seeming a selective 3 people only know.

heres a small thing i found on the internet:
"HOCD is not at all the same as closeted gays who may be afraid of social repercussions. It is not a fear of rejection by members of the same sex, but rather is a fear of the attraction itself."

Seeking professional help wouldn't be a bad idea, just be careful if it is a 'gay friendly' therapist and wont try and 'fix' your tendancies seeming you want to explore it more. good luck with finding happiness.

 

have u ever being with women, i just use to be reallt=y scared of the attraction, use to sweat, my ex gilfriend told my parents what i have being going through and stuff, it was a sence ov realief in a way to be able to discuss what has being going on, but its like a mental torture in my head, i actually cannot stop thinking about it, when u say seem to want to explore, are you sayin i have some tendancies

 

well i suppose i got the impression you did want to explore, but i suppose i'm wrong.

I cant say i have been with a woman, or another man for that matter. But about the time when i was in grade 8 or 9, i realised that i was noticing guys more than girls, and then eventuall only guys. And yes i was completely scared of the attraction, and did obsess over it for a while. It lead me to many emotional break downs and contributed to an era of depression i suffered, along with other issues, that nearly took my life. However in saying that, i had support from my mum who saw me break down and didnt know all the reasonings, which kind of cleared most my thoughts and i became less afraid of the attraction over time. But i can't say i suffered for the 5 years or so such as yourself.