Not the only one..

Maybe I am not the one one who has ever felt this way. Maybe not.
But I do wish for some advice. I hope you have some good advice to share.. I am scared. Last night, I was thinking, and I was seriously thinking hard, I was thinking so very hard. I know I am rambling on. I can't help that. But I needed to think really hard about this, before, I decided, if it was true or not. I was thinking over my friendship with my gay best friend. And I honestly don't know why it is so easy for me to tell him I love him. He says it to me. I know, yeah, he is gay, he can say I love you to me, and it be true, and not in anyway, other than, an deep expression of how much my friendship means to him. BUT I think, I do love him. I mean, I can't explain, why I love every little thing about him. I love his quirks. I love his rants. I love the way, he just is. He hasn't ever slept with a boy. Nor a girl. He has told me, before, that he had or was it, had a crush on me. But like, I dunno. He likes guys... I don't want to tell him, how I feel. But I do. But I can't because I don't want to put this out on him. If I tell him, all this, he'll feel like he needs to love me more, or in a different way. And I don't want him, to have to do more than he does. I truly love this boy. I want to forever keep his friendship. But this whole, I love you stuff. It all just confuses me. I told my other best friend, who is a girl, that I think, I am in love with this boy. She said, she knew for a month now.. She wants me to tell him how I feel, but I can't. He is gay, I love him for expressing who he is and everything, it isn't like I am trying to convert him into being who, he isn't. I just can't.. Help?... BTW- I am a girl, this is where the problem comes in. Maybe I'm tricking myself to feel like I love him, but just somedays, being just his best friend, isn't enough. I am sorry to any gay members that find this disgusting. I am so sorry.. :/ I think I might have posted this in the wrong area of this forum place.. I dunno, I am new to this place. I am sorry, yet again. But this sense of love, is so strong.... Like I had mentioned before, he hasn't had a boyfriend. He hasn't done anything with a guy. He has had a girl friend. They never did anything.. I am just so confused with how this is right now. Give me some sort of direction?

 

I think I can FEEL what you are going thru. Just reading it and feeling how it was for me as a 16-year-old boy (yeah, I can still remember that faaar back) I recall my best friend Tom. I never knew about homosexuality at that time, it didn't exist in our world, at least not openly acknowledged. But I loved Tom and as I look back later, I had these feelings for him that my conscious mind would not allow me to dwell on. (Remember the world was different in the early '60s).

So, I can understand your feelings because I had them. Tom and I even shared a bed, as sleepovers were common with teens in those days. It was quite innocent.

Now you have the advantage (or perhaps disadvantage) that homosexuality is acknowledged today, your friend is out, and you I suspect are quite curious. If you reciprocate and tell your friend that you love him - next quatum leap has both of you expressing this love with physical sweat and other body fluids.

Not that love has to manifest in sex. There is a difference and it is beautiful when you realize you have an intense love for someone - beside the sex. However, if you do get intimately sexual with your friend, it should be no big deal. You are an adolescent boy - your job is to experiment sexually. That is beside the point.

The point is you are lucky to have a close male friend whom you love and who has said he loves you. Enjoy that. Talk about it with him. Let him know your feelings.

On a sad note, I later expressed those feelings to Tom in the '80s and I haven't heard from him since. Apparently I scared him. But that is history. You will probably fare better and I know it rings hollow to you now but whatever happens, it is a learning experience and you will get over it and continue moving on.

Ahh, that makes a whole lot of difference to the advice I was giving you as a boy. NEVERMIND!

 

I'm confused, are you, or aren't you gay?

 

Uhhh, I edited this. I am sorry. I forgot to mention, some stuff, and I think I might have posted this in the wrong stop. I dunno. Now read it. Thank you.

 

So tell him you love the person he is, the quirks, the rants, just him the way he is. Let him know you value the friendship you have. Don't try to change him if he's gay, it will compromise his feelings. Just keep sex out of the picture completely. Thats the best way to keep the feelings you share.

Like Shale said, it's completely possible to love someone without having sex be part of the picture. I don't think anybodys offended by your questions. And yeah, why not ask here? Gay guys usually got pretty good insight regarding other gay guys.

 

I would never want to change him. He's totally the wrong perfect guy, for me to be tripping balls, over. I don't understand, if this is just a phase, for him. Or if he really likes males. He isn't that old to know, is he....? I keep replaying in my mind, I can't seem to focus on if he is gay or if he isn't. We have moments together, where it's just so much tension in the room... I have to stop myself, and remember this kid says he is gay. He confuses me, greatly. I don't want sex from the kid. But when he touches me, I just, it just. It send tingles throughout my spine. I know if he is actually gay, I can't please him. I want him to be happy. I just uh, I can't make any sense of myself, or my current feelings towards, him.

 

Lots of us knew we were attracted to guys from a very eary age, we didn't have words for the feelings but we had the feelings and the sense to know we were different.

" I just uh, I can't make any sense of myself, or my current feelings towards, him"

The kid's got some kind of magic, maybe because he's forbidden fruit (Jesus! what a shitty pun) But yeah, because he's off limits it may make him all the more enticing.

 

Well today I messed everything up. I wanted to forget the love I have of my gay best friend, in that more than the best friends way... So I told him, about this little crush I have on this guy. [Which is true, but I really DON'T LIKE this guy, as MUCH I AS LOVE HIM.] Well, NOW it's like I blew the top off of him. He use to not say some of the things he does say. He seemed more straight. But now, it's like, I have to hear a lot more about how straight people are rude. How he wishes he could turn straight people gay. How he wished I was a lesbian, because he wants more lesbian friends. I can't handle it. I think maybe he did like me.. So I went to my other gay friend, I'll call him number 2. But anyways.. I've been talking to number 2 about how, rude, my gay best friend is being...[I neglect to tell number 2 I have a thing for my gay best friend.] And now, because I am talking to number 2. My gay best friend, who was friends, with number 2. Are like complaining, about how one another are douche bags, or ass holes, to me. Is my gay best friend acting this way, because he liked me? Or because I never told him, how exactly I felt towards, him, has he given up, or just realized, he can openly talk to me, about every gay thought that passes throughout his mind? Clearly, I am confused.

 

Just reading your post is a little confusing to me lol.
I would backoff a little stop trying to figure him out,don't push him.
Let him come to you with his feelings,it maybe hard to let go for now,
but that's what I'd do.You'll push him away if you keep bringing it up.
He maybe deffinetely confused,and it is diffenetely possible for a gay
person to be in a straight relationship.Often they feel only that way for
the one person becuase of chemistry and such.Read around the forums
alot of people have posted about the subject.Sounds like there's alot going
on in his head,can't say what he's thinking but you maybe the exception here.
And that maybe confusing him and messing with his head.Take it easy on him.
Let him come to you,if it's meant to be it's meant to be,otherwise you can keep the friendship.Be careful how you deal with this,losing him as a friend would really suck.

 

Thank you. This place is helping. And it feels kind of good to like, not hold all this on the inside. :]

 

Glad the forums are helping .They've been a lifesaver to me.
It's good to have a place to talk about stuff.It's nice to have you here.

 

My honest opinion is to tell him how much you value his friendship but don't tell him you have a romantic interest. There is nothing you can do to change the fact that he is gay (not that you want to). Try and move on.

 

First time I read through this post I didnt realise Heart Attack was a she.

Heart Attack: The biggest hurdles that comes from a girl / gay best friendship is

A) Just cos he may not be sexually attracted to you, doesnt mean he isnt emotionally attracted to you, doesnt mean he doesnt really, really need that emotional bond.

B) As soon as a girl hears a guy is gay sexy looks given to the guy increase they dont decrease. A lot of this is subconscious, the girl hears he's gay, doesnt have to worry about leading him on and he becomes like practice guy, practice all the sexy looks to get attention from a guy without having to worry about him hitting on you. And you'll find you can look into his eyes a lot more than straight guys as you dont have to worry so much about the consequences, at first any. Unfortunately this has the affect of making girls go googoo, and bingo a few weeks later the girl has a crush. That and the fact that the gay best friend is pretty much the perfect boyfriend without the stress sex and hormones bring (at first anyway).


If you want to remain friends, hang out, but cut off any physical contact and try limit eye contact, especially those long puppy dog stares

If he's 16 and Out, as much as you like him, you really really really dont want to be the girl to help him realise he's not going to want intimacy with a girl. Talk about awkward, and something you'll regret if he's your first

 

Here's an idea: try being honest and not lying because you're afraid he'll have some kind of power over you if you admit to liking him. Don't say you love him even if you do because that's never a good idea and our minds can play tricks on us sometimes... but tell him you like him and ask if he likes you then deal with what happens. Don't wait for 'the perfect time', just do it as soon as possible.

It's better than living in the dark, and it shows both him and yourself that you're a strong person. Even if he laughs at you and you're totally crushed that will go away and you can at least tell yourself you were upfront about it.

Also, you might just discover that you didn't really love him after all and it was all just the idea of not being able to have him because he's gay. Or, no offense, maybe you just loved the drama involved with being in love with a gay guy... you definitely wouldn't be the first girl in the world to love drama.