How am I supposed to be mean without being mean.

When I ask mygirlfriend what my faults are she says that I should not be so nice. I thought that being nice was a good thing. Being understanding is a good thing. I seldom get mad about anything. I thought this was a good thing. My girlfriend says I should me more mean. How am I supposed to do this without being a jerk? Any advice ladies?

 

First clarify what she means by being "nice". Perhaps you are so nice to the point of being a doormat - that you let people walk all over you. Do you say yes to everyone most of the time, even when it's better to say no? Perhaps she feels you need to learn to put your foot down more often. She might be worried that people will try to take advantage of your niceness.

 

No I do not think that is it. I think she means that I am too nice to her. We never argue. She seldom does anything that makes me angry. I give her gifts all the time because...... well becuase I am trying to be a nice guy. Isn't this a good thing.

 

She doesn't want you to be mean she wants you to be assertive, trust me on that one. Tell her when you want something once and a while, not in that overly nice way just say i want this from you, but without being mean, just tell it like it is. Just be really confident in yourself, but not arrogant.

 

You might want to find out about her previous experiences with men. How did they treat her? Perhaps her previous experiences were with men who were not that nice, or perhaps nice but not as nice as you? I dunno, I'm just guessing here. Maybe she's gotten so used to not being treated nicely that she finds your behavior odd? Like I said, just guessing here. It could be that her past relationships were full of petty quarrels and arguments, so...

 

My monster in law gets frustrated because my father in law refuses to fight with her. Why? She thinks he doesn't fight because he is tuning her out, or just doesn't care. Maybe that is what your girl feels.....

Most people express anger or discontent from time to time.....so when someone takes everything in stride and never gets upset it confuses people.