Hi, If someone could shed some light on this, I'd greatly appreciate it. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 9 months now. She's only now finally willing to have sex. Important detail is... she's still a virgin. Now, we've tried maybe 3 times or so but have not been able to do it. She says it's too painful. After close to 2 months or so I've hinted something along the lines of... "when is it going to happen?" to her. How painful can it be and how much more patient should I be? Is it me being a jerk and getting a bit....impatient? or should I be more understanding on what is happening on the females side? I've used Lub and it helped but somewhere through she just gives up and doesn't want to try anymore. Thanks!
I dont have any advise for the whole part on how to make it less painful, but it can be very painful. But on the emotional side for her, it is probly really hard because she wants to have sex with you but being that it hurts she maybe feels like she itsn't good enough. Then she can't enjoy it because it is painful and makes her feel unsatisfied and unwilling. Just be patient and talk with her also. Hope everything works out.
I recommend SHOWERING!! Seriously, the first time I had sex we had just came from taking a shower together. The water and steam and foreplay in there seems to loosen things up when you come out. DONT do it the first time in the shower though, as water in there can make it tighter and the water interferes with the woman's natural lube.
Sounds like her mind is keeping her vagina closed. She is worried about what will happen. Try to get her to relax - take that shower together, have her drink a glass of wine, a little weed...then lots of lube, or a well lubricated condom.
One word: FOREPLAY. Foreplay, foreplay and MORE FOREPLAY XD! Sex the first time shouldn't hurt THAT much, and if it's unbareable then something is wrong. The hymen is a lil bit of skin that stretches across the entrence that doesnt compeltely disolve after a girl is born. That's what should be hurting her, the stretching of that skin, but once its' stretched or broken properly sex shouldn't hurt at all, and even then it shoudl be a short, sharp pain, and shouldn't linger long after that. i think she's nervous and the pain she's feeling is from being 'too tight' from nerves. Get her to relax and be naturally wet and you shouldnt even need lube next time. Good luck!
An important bit of info is her age. If she is 26, like you, I think this is most likely an emotional hangup, rather than a physical one. Something caused her to wait 26 years. Make sure you aren't pressuring her, you make her feel relaxed, and make her feel special and attractive. If she is much younger, it could be that she isn't ready for sex. On a rare occasion, women can have enlarged overly occulsive hymens and it can be very painful to have sex for the first time. If she sees a gyno, they can help her determine if this isthe case. How long to wait is a personal matter. You have to decide if its worth waiting for. You have a right to move on, but she has every right to say "no." What won't work are ultimatums of guilt trips(I don't think you're doing this). Basically, its niether good nor bad that she is forstalling the event. It just is. Cheers
Truthfully sex the first time didn't hurt for me AT ALL. We had been making out in the shower and I was wet from foreplay, knew the guy well and had been dating him for over a year, so was comfortable and relaxed with him. It was spontaneous and actually felt good with no pain. Every time after for awhile, it hurt then, go figure
It hurt a lot as I recall. I just bit my lip and got on with it. The best thing to do is not pressure her.
