How to take the first steps? ><

Okay.. This is going to be a bit of a long post! Just so you know o.o...

#@$#%#@! I've deleted this post like three times rewriting it >_< This time for sure!


Okay where to start off... I've been curious about gender reassignment for quite some time, about six months since I first really learned of the possibility to be exact. I've read up as much as I could find via google and wiki. I won't pretend to think just because I read about it that I know what I'm talking about, or that I'd be able to understand how emotionally and mentally stressful it must be to follow through with such an extreme change of lifestyle. At least I don't understand yet, and I don't think I'm quite ready too.

Since I was thirteen or so, I've always thought of the possibility that I was 'in the wrong body' in way. I've always been kind of a small, shy and timid boy, that's just my nature. Often teased for being 'girly', especially by my older siblings >.< perhaps that encouraged me to feel the way I do now, but that's drifting off-topic! Anyhow, as I've gotten older those thoughts haven't gone away. They've gotten stronger over time, to the point I started doing everything I could to be as much a 'girl' as I could without it seeming unusual, or that would draw negative social attention. So I suppose I've always been stuck in the position of what I want for myself, and the worry of how others will see me.

So as I said, I've made small, not entirely uncommon changes to make myself more feminine, and keep in mind this is long before I had ever even heard of the option of gender reassignment. Simple small things from shaving body hair, growing my hair out & coloring it to be more attractive. Even slipping on some make-up occasionaly when it'd go unnoticed by family & friends. I've never tried cross-dressing, though god I've wanted too and would have if not so worried about my families reaction to it.

Slowly these small 'baby steps' have had their affect on my appearance and personality, it's becoming almost daily occurence that when I go out, I'm mistaken for a girl by waitresses, cashiers etc. Which, I honestly find incredibly flattering, even makes me blush ^^... ALOT. And from there I've started to wonder more and more about it, feeling as if being a guy just is not right for me, it's hard to put words to, but when I think of myself as a man something just doesn't fit. The picture seemed flawed and distasteful in my mind. And it isn't just a 'phase' as people commonly say, it's been a few years that I've felt like this. Finally it's reaching the point where I'm begenning to look into how certain choices may make me feel more like the person I really feel I am.

Though I've already started to feel the social consequence of being 'different'. Almost all of my guy friends well, to put it simply I just don't have any now. And being a pretty shy person it's not easy for me to find new friends who are more open minded. Most of the girls don't seem to be bothered by the changes in my appearence or personality though. But still, that feeling of social rejection simply because of the SMALL changes I've made have put this worry, fear even into what taking bigger steps in this direction will lead too. I'm a horribly dependant person on my family, and friends. Without their support I'd be completely lost.

So I suppose what it comes down to is, I'm pretty sure of what I want now, and that is to persue the option of at least aesthetic surgeries, facial, chest and such, as well as hormone therapy. The genital reconstruction being a bit intimidating to me as I've researched the topic alot and the results seem to not be something I would want to do to my body, I can't say anything for sure yet, other than I want to take the next step in this direction, to find out if it is right for me. But the worry of the reactions of my family make me hesitant to the point of forgetting it entirely.

And this is where I'm at a loss, which honestly has caused me so much stress over the past few months, even led me into feeling completely depressed for weeks at a time. Any advice from those who have been in, or are in similar situations? >_<

 

Hey,

I was in your situation for 13 years. I learned that I was a transexual (although had no idea thats what it was called back then ) when I was 6. I kept it inside up until about a month ago, tust me...keeping it locked in can/will lead to emotional problems you could not beleive. I've known people who have gone even as far a suicide to escape thier feelings. I came out to my family, friends, and wife (yep 19 and married ha). Anyway that may help your guy friends understand; before some of them said they thought I may have been gay (other than being married) and it seemed to creep them out a little. Maybe that is what is happening with your friends?

Also, coming out to family can be tricky; but in the end if this is truly how you are, and know this as a fact, you should tell them. At first they may not understand, mine still don't and I'm not sure they ever will, but you need to be you; you need to feel comfortable living. I worried about how others would react, how they would feel about me; but hun you need to realize that you are the one who must live your life, not them. They may not like it, but it's how you are...trust me you will feel so releived; even if they react poorly, just knowing that they know, and how they feel makes you feel better (at least it did for me).

Here is a great site I post on as well, they have helped me so much and are a great resource of support and information. www.lauras-playground.com/forums
www.lauras-playground.com
Trust me the site is much better than the name implies , they take this very seriously; almost everybody on that site is dealing with some sort of gender issue.

Also, be prepared for this to take a few years, dear. I came out this year 2008, and my time frame for the Surgury is 2011 (and thats a rough estimate)...so it takes some time. Right now concentrate mainly on coming to terms with yourself, making sure this is how you feel; that you know that this is who you are. Then worry about telling close family and friends; don't let everyone know right away, unless you are sure about this...trust me word will get around (but if your ok with that...it's great for everyone to know ). Then you are going to want to find a Gender Therapist. That other forums is where I found mine, and they have them listed all over the United States and I think internationally as well.

Oh, also I'm not sure of your age but if your I think 35 and below there is a site I post on also you may like. It's good to have people in your age group going through this too to lean on as well. It's going to be an emotionally draining trip, so get ready hun!
trueselves.com

I hope this helps, I know it's long and jumbled. I'm always more than glad to talk with other people starting/going through/done with thier tranisitions. Oh by the way, I'm Alice (Male to Female btw). Anyway don't hesitate to get me on here.

Oh one more thing, another great site with tons of information is: tsroadmap.com
That site has tons of information, plus it can help you understand the steps towards making this happen. This is going to be expensive as well, so you should start saving now (30,000 - 40,000) (high estimate, but not sure all what your looking to get done)depending on where you go/who does the surgury.

I know this is confusing to start, so just remember you gender therapist will be your best friend, and they'll help you along your path and making sure this is right for you.

Peace, love, and health,

Alice

P.S. Good luck with this, remember personal acceptence is key before you even worry about coming out/living as yourself.

 

I'll be sure to look at those sites you linked, though the more I look into this the harder and harder it seems it's going to be. Right now I don't think I'm ready to talk to my family about it quite yet... And I can't seem to find a therapist in my area for GID, the closest I've been able to locate is Seattle which is over 600 miles >_<..

As for age, I'm 18, 19 in a couple of months ^^... While the expense of the operation and such I can manage... Finding a therapist, and physician in my area who will meet my needs is going to be the real challenge. If anyone can recommend one in northern Idaho (Couer d'Alene area) or eastern Washington (In, or near Spokane) it'd really help. As much as I've looked the closest are all located in Seattle, which is quite a ways from me.

 

I have been a transgender person for many years of my life Im a normal male. My first crossdressings were when I was 12/ at 14 I wore girls panties under my pants at school, I knew there was something secretive about it.. Sexually it aroused me.
didnt understand if I was gay. and didnt have homosexual experience that I understood till I was 24.. My early days of homosexuallity were being in a shack whit boy freinds 10,12 years old maybe 3 and 4 of us at a time playing penis games and naked inocent touchings and sucking...

I educated myself as to find out if I was gay or not. And I turn out to be a average man who is a very good and unique crossdresser.
I learned that transgended people are like regular people and the Sexual lifestyles are also simuler.
There clean and the preverse. And Each of has a side of both. While I find myself to be more the Narcissism type who want to dress and be looked at and look at myself since I want to be perfect.. As the stuff I idolize.. Women. I want to represent
the formof a women and be erotic like a women.. Maybe even get really sexual like a women. But Im still a man..
I am Bi-sexual and have done extreem things but Ive also done soft hearted flowery dress and things of a cute nature.
I have never like the stigma that trangender people get thanks to "Slient of the Lambs"
But I have felt the dark nature of it in my soul as that Im putting on dress for spiritual reasons.. Since I can represent both genders.. Its enlightening...
I havent put on many outfit in a while since its lots of maintaince.. Im a hairy man.
Im Married and have two kid..
I just been dying to say something and its ashame that im hardly even able to keep my eyes open at thiois time I just signed on.. to this plae and Im interested in San Fran transexual activities so I can visit in a about a year and Im really looking forward to dressing and hitting SF streets...omg.. omg... I cant wait.. I ahbe to go to bed now..

 

Lillim,

You can see any therapist, a gender therapist is just usually the most understanding about these issues. Any psycologist can help you along really, just a personal beleife I try to stay away from psyciatrist (the one who can give medication) I know they are not all like this but I've found a lot who were trying to push pills on me for depression/anxiety...but once I came out and started living finally as Alice that all stopped...makes you wonder about their ethics a little huh? Anywho, and psyc doctor that you trust can help you with this, and I'm sure they can recommend a good Gender Therapist for you. If all else fails try. www.gendertherapist.com He's online, but after he meets with you long enough, and if he feels that you truly are transgendere/transexual he can write you a recomendation for homormones and surgury. So an option if all else fails, but I'd always recommend meeting with a live person, I think working with someone directly is essential to this (but only my oppinion ).

As far as this seeming difficult, it is. This is going to be a long road, and if this is what you know is right for you...then just pack the cooler, grab your guitar, and don't forget the smoke because hun we're going on a long, strange, trip. But, don't get frightened all the stress, all the "social oppinion" against this, makes every acomplishment that much better. Every time you get Ms. or Mrs., every time you get Ma'am on the phone or at a restaurant, each of those tiny little acomplishments become huge fits of glory and help you keep truckn' till the next one hits. What I'm trying to say is be prepared to take this nice and slow, and don't forget to enjoy every minuite of it. This is you becoming you, drink it in!

As far as expenses, I would just start saving everything you can...there are lots of little things you'd never think of that pop up, and sexual reassignment surgury is also not the first of your worries. Electrolosis, Facial Feminization, etc. There's quite a bit to this, I'm not trying to discorage you, just want you to have a realistic mindset here. This is a huge decision, and it should/will take time to complete. But, yeah you can try that online doc to get this rolling if you want, he's really a nice guy and can help you with your family also (I'm still using him even though I go to two other doctors here, not including the endo I'm about to start seeing next month Yay!)

Hang in there sis, I'm here for you (actually I'm 19 myself so maybe we can chat/whatever...looks like we're starting at the same time too? Support sponsors maybe? ha...if your interested let me know in a private message or whatever. It always helps to have someone else as support). Anyway best of wishes, and I hope that all is well with you.

Peace, love, and health,

Alice

 

Dear sgtpepper420, Thanks for the forum link to Lauraplayground, since I havent been very active in the transgender scene for many years. I am looking foward to making myself known again. I have to say Im impressed with how transgender people have made so many improvments.. I am in near harrisburg pa, and ? I to was wondering hows the scene in Athens, is there any places that specialize in transgender gatherings?
There are none here and Philly is about as close to being normal I can get with comforatability. Not any Gay and Transgender alike places together here, But I havent looked that much either.. I am going to San Francisco around November Im looking foward to that.

 

Lynn,

Athens is pretty great actually! I go to Ohio University so we have a whole LGBT alliance program, and also a Transitions group specifically for the transsexual (only 4 of us, but still it's good to have the support!). I'm sorry to hear that you don't have any support out by you, but I'm sure you can find some sort of LGBT group if you look Philly is a big area. Other than the University there is not too much happening around here as far as activism goes..but we try.

Have fun in San Fran. Lucky! I've saving for my operations so my wife and I have taken a two year break from vacations...two more to go..but once we have the money it'll be worth more than it . Enjoy Cali for me! They are good people out there.

Peace, love, and health,

Alice

 

I see, So your going to be a Transgender corrected. Or do you feel thats a bad term.
While I dont have sexual identity problem I once did and was confused and I sought treatment, Only after that failed did I relize to use both identities to my advantage.
As Im a entertaining type of person. I found that If use the transgender as a Costume and not a personal change it was excepted. My parents were not as pleased of my comming out years ago. Like I was possesed by some kind of Gay devil.. So narrow minded. I said Im no different than Ronald McDonald and this is just a clown costume underneith Im a human being... DUH? I hate people sometime that see things so oddly and its very normal for me to wear pantyhose under male clothes just for warmth and comfort.
While I have probable spent more time doing things with other people that were of sexual nature Ive also enjoyed many a dress up without sex coming to mind.

I think the confusion with is, is it a sexual turn on, Am I a transvestite, Am I a Man in a womens body come up for many people like myself..
And I would like to help thouse confused with the Sterotyping of Trannys and Transvetites.. And Transexuals.

I am though turned on more sexually while seeing a transexual with a penis.
But I myself have no breast or any real desire to have boobs and function as a female. But it would be nice if I could afford it. Exspecially hair removal. Since Im very hairy/ And being in a sexy Lingerie outfit takes lots of work to do..
And now that Im older its getting harder to do. I think my next outfit will be more of something like Ms Doubtfire.. lol.
While id like to thank that movie and many other including that have helped us escape the harsh side of being a crossdresser. Its really a Lovely thing and Im so glad Ive been doing it for so long.
While they have Support groups for GLBS people here its not as wide as a Major city.
And dressing up in town isnt as comfortable as say Philly or new york. Where you look like everyone else. At 12 noon if you look like a women and are known to be a man they think your gona rob a bank or something.. I dont think transgenger people crossdressers alike need a specific time to put on make up and wigs and stuff. imo
Im rather attractive, very thin. but still close enough Im a man.. And Foundation only covers up so much.
I hope Im not off topic. But this is how I am and hope my input helps someone.

 

Peppers, I'd love to talk sometime buut.. I can't send you a pm . While I registered on the forum and such, it still has me as a guest. Not sure how to fix that so I cannot read nor see pm's >_<

 

you cant you have to have a number of post for Pm messages... Build your post count by being freinds elsewhere in the forum and not just here...

 

I wasn't aware of that, seems a bit unusual but can't complain.

I've already looked up several sections of the boards, I just don't post that much! Especially when I lack something constructive / on-topic to post. o.o

Thanks for the info though, I suppose I could of found that if I visited these forums other than when I'm dead tired. >_<

 

Ha, hey it's great to see folks using this forums. Started to feel I was the only one of us out here . Lets keep in touch, we could all make a good "support" group I guess. Lillim let me know when you hit the post # for PM's and etc.

Alice

 

Will do! I wonder how many it is.. hopefully I'm not to far off but I don't want to spam the forum just to get the post count up >_<.

Edit-

Hey I can send, and recieve PM's now ^_^