alright, my first official post with a question in it! here goes... I just recently (and finally) told my boss that I work with extensively and on a daily basis that I was gay. Ever since then, he has been very, very curious as to the gay world, and my experiences, and even asked me if he could tag along next time I went to the gay club. He's a straight (as far as I know), married man with a kid, so his eagerness to join me at the gay club surprized me. He's been coming over to my apartment more and more often, and has even asked me to help him choose out an outfit for one of his "straight" parties, as he put it. Now, my problem comes in when he started making references to bisexuality, and when he would randomly interject phrases to me like "fabulous", "disgrossting", or "get it, girl!". Also, aside from acting a tad gay towards me, albeit in a very subtle way, he asked me to dance with him one time (we listen to the radio at work), when Madonna's new song 4 mintues came on. I just told him I don't dance for other's entertainment, only my own..... But anyways, I find the way he's been acting towards me very odd, because he goes right back to being the stereoptypical straight dude when anyone else is around, but when it's just me and him, he totally changes. Do you guys think that perhaps he's just trying to show me he's comfortable with my being gay, by trying to find common ground? Or do you think that maybe, just maybe, he's bi-curious, and has been afraid of that until he met me? I'm just at a total loss here....any help/advice/opinions would be greatly appreciated. thanks!
OK, gonna jump in here with both feet and hope I keep them outta my mouth (or off the keyboard in this case) I don't think he is trying to make you comfortable with your sexuality and it looks like you may be getting uncomfortable with his surreptitious advances. And advances is what it looks like to me. His pickup so quickly on gay mannerisms and nomenclature (which I and a lot of gay men do not do) indicates more familiarity than study. (If it is studied it is totally inappropriate, like some white suburbanite using jive or ghetto expressions). No, I think the guy is a closeted gay man who is happy as hell to find out you might be a hookup. And, if you need advice - DON'T DO IT! This is standard for workplace romances, especially between a subordinate and his boss. If it is a big company your HR department would frown on it because this is the stuff of EEOC lawsuits. Now, how do I come up with this stuff? When I was a 20 something this guy who was married and had kids came on to me. Once at a party he declared I was too drunk to drive and took me in my car to his place, where his wife slept in the guest bedroom after making up the big bed for me and him. That was my first time and I was naive enuf in those days not to think that married men with kids would be gay - or bi. So, good luck with this tricky relationship that your boss is pushing on you.
he wants to fuck, and he's gay/bi in denial by the way you describe him. are you attracted to him at all, you didn't mention.
Agreed. I think the dude is a closet homo (or bi) and he's clearly overjoyed to have met someone else that he feels he can be open with. I'm also interested as to whether or not you find him attractive or not
hmm....well, I'll put it this way: Brady (that's his name) is very attractive, however I'm in a 10 month relationship right now with somebody I really love, so it actually has become quite uncomfortable for me whenever he does that. I really have no interest in being some straight man's, or closeted bi/gay man's, little experimentation, let alone any interest in cheating on my boo. But I do value Brady's friendship, I think we work well together, and he's a cool boss, but I would much, much rather prefer it stay that way....just an ordinary director - manager relationship. But I will say this; I wouldn't mind being the one who helps him become more comfortable with himself. If by my being gay, and working one-on-one with him every night helps him feel more at ease to truly be himself, that's great. More power to him. I just don't want him to think he needs to hit on me and me alone in order to get those feelings out.....
OK, that is your out. Tell him directly, in no uncertain terms that you are in a relationship with another person and that there is NO WAY you could cheat on this other person. I had a boss that was gay and loved older guys (me). He even propositioned me once and I am in no relationship. I woulda probably done him except that really compromises the work situation with Boss/Subordinate. Fortunately, I knew him socially with his long-term partner whom he should have been more faithful to. I told him we could never get together because I respected his partner too much for that. It might have been fun but would have become too complicated a relationship and not worth the potential losses. So, I would suggest letting this guy down easy, be his friend but let him know you cannot be his lover in any way while you are 1.) In a relationship and 2.) Still working for him.
ok. well, you said it yourself, you aren't interested in him since you're in a relationship at the moment, so you need to make this clear to him. Me personally, I would hint at him about his sexuality, if you really want to help him open up and accept his sexuality. Ask him why is he suddenly interested in hanging with you,. then i'd ask him if he was unsure about his sexuality. Most str8 people aren't going to start hanging with a openly gay/bi person in fear they're also going to be classified as gay... just tell him you can only be a talk-to-buddy with maybe the occasional hang out, but that's about it. otherwise he may start coming on to you (which already appear he is) and he might have the wrong impression... you need to clear it up or you'll complicate your current relationship.
I think he's hitting on you,and I agree with what's been said. Sex/relationship in the work place is a big mistake.It complicates things way to much and potentailly can cost you your job and a large amount of unwanted agrivation.Sex/relationship with your boss is just plain stupid in my opinion. I agree with Shale,you need to be direct with him(In a nice way). It is not your job(or in your job description)to help him accept his sexuality.That can also complicate things alot.I would stick to a boss/employee relationship.If this happens to help him in some way terrific,but otherwise I would'nt worry about it and just do your job.That may sound somewhat cold,but I'd rather play it safe myself if I was in your shoes.
