I am SO CONFUSED right now!!

So, I'm having trouble with my feelings at the moment. I guess the trouble is that I have conflicting feelings. For a little less than 2 years I have I've had really strong feelings for a straight guy. We've been sexually intimate probably about 10 times, but we haven't been together recently. He went away to rehab three months ago and just recently came back. He's only going to be here for a short time and then he's going to be leaving again - probably for good. When I first heard from him when he first got back, the first thing he said to me was that we could never be together sexually again, but that he wanted to remain friends with me in the future.

I guess I'm writing in this forum because I don't know how I feel about him anymore. He was my first love. He's the first guy that I've ever been with that I actually wanted to be with. I've never had this before. He was my first love. But I've been pining over him for so long and it hasn't been that good for so long. Yet, I couldn't imagine my life with. I don't know how I feel anymore. Maybe I've been listening to that Hadaway song "What is Love" too much.

 

Hey,What's up?

You really have to try to get over it and move on.Maybe there are things you can learn from all this but don't dwell on it k?
People change,situations change,happens all the time to everyone.
This is life.
My first love ditched me after our first sexual encounter cause he got to weird about the whole thing.He even stopped talking to me entirely.What sucked is we went to the same school,I saw him all the time.Eventually we graduated and I moved on and only saw him once after that.I remained in loved with him for along time.Memories faded as I got involved with other people and with all lifes changes.
Sounds like he really needs to address his addiction problems too and get sober/drug free,and well.If you're having those type of issues you need to get help too btw ok?
First loves seem to be very hard to get over and takes lots of time.Having alot of support helps.Do you have friends you can talk to and spend time with?Being with good friends always helps me when I'm going through tough times.It will pass but it will take time and you will feel down for awhile,that's normal.Try not to dwell on it,do things that make you happy(Even if it's tough).It gets better.
Hang in there.

 

I know what you say is good advice. But it sure doesn't make it any easier. I have been sort of able to recently, address what happened between us, which I never really could before. When we were hooking up, we never really talked about "us". I didn't want to ruin it either, I was really enjoying the ride. But now that we are being more honest with each other in a way, well, I did admit to him that he was not the first guy that I had ever been with, but certainly the first guy that I ever "loved". And that is absolutely true. I sort of hate it when people tell me that I have to get over it because I already know that. Only time will heal this wound if it ever truly heals.
So things are in a cooling off period right now because I know that with everything that he is going through right now, this issue doesn't necessarily need to be hammered home.
I would like to at some point, some day resolve it, but i know that it may never happen.