parchment stains and pencil marks: the poet's view of his lone, dead art. an empty house with me inside; alone i write, and keep the time. abstract matter i brought to life, while cursing surfacing, logical binds. an empty canvas brings new rhyme; alone i write, and bleach my designs. respected walls with Morrison's face; i open all doors just to reverence his days. inspiring mission to open their eyes; alone i write, to hear myself sigh. i long for youth in an empty house; the clock still ticks to watch me pout. a candle burns with odd reprise; alone i write to spite the time.
I hope you don't mind but I edited your poem a little to help the flow and meter. A couple of your lines were a syllable too long. I think that when writing metered poetry(like this), it's important to keep the meter constant, otherwise it sounds disjointed when read aloud. I really like the first stanza but in later ones, a couple of the images don't really work forme, like the clock ticking to to watch you pout? Why pout? Anyway, just a couple of suggestions. I like the majority of your work on this forum, but I just felt that this could be easily improved with a couple of little tweaks. Keep writing. *edited version parchment stains and pencil marks: the poet's view of his lone, dead art. an empty house with me inside; alone i write, and keep the time. abstract matter i brought to life, while cursing surfacing, logical binds. an empty canvas brings new rhyme; alone i write, bleach my designs. respected walls with Morrison's face; i open all doors, revere his days. inspiring mission to open their eyes; alone i write, and hear myself sigh. i long for youth in an empty house; the clock still ticks to watch me pout. a candle burns with odd reprise; alone i write to spite the time.
