how to drop the bi bomb

Ok hear is the deal i am quite sure I am bi and have decided that i will tell my parents some time soon. - How do you think i should aproch the conversation / tell them.

 

You are the only one with the answer to that, because you know the variables.

I love being upfront and honest (and in-your-face as I'm often accused) but if you are living at home and dependent on your parents' support, then it may be best to keep it your little secret until you become independent.

Are your parents religious fundamentalists who believe homosexuality is a sin in the eyes of their lord and savior? Don't tell 'em till you move out.

If they are truly liberal and educated in matters of sexuality and you know that they will not throw you out on your bi ass, then go ahead and let them know who you are.

However, I didn't know my mom was such a racist until I sent her a pic of "my black woman" as she called her when sending the pic back. So, be sure you know how your family will react before letting them know if you are still dependent on them.

If you are independent then put it in their face, tastefully of course.

 

^walk in on them wearing a rainbow tuxedo and a sing saying "i'm bi".

No but seriously now that you accept it yourself you'll notice openings will just pop up. or you can take the more sensitive parent (usualy mom) to the side and say that you need to have a serious talk. or, a not serious one, and just blurt it out. really we'd have to know your parents better...

 

i know for myself i wasn't able to keep secrets very well, and i didn't give a shit what my parents did to me, so i went ahead and came out when i was 14. they didn't exactly throw me out, but they pretty much decided they had no more use for me. i wasn't about to live a lie, and say i didn't like girls when i did, or pretend to like boys when i didn't. but i think the lines are sometimes more grey when you're bi.

it all depends on your parents, and what they are comfortable with. but i think telling them who you are is the best route... and it sounds like you've decided to do that, which good for you! bringing it up... i would advise against being as confrontational as i was... i walked in with my girlfriend (who we had invited for dinner), said mom, dad this is my girlfriend, not just my friend... and then proceeded to make out with her and feel her up in front of them. not the best idea... but 14 is sometimes a really dumb age.

just take one of your parents aside sometime, and tell them you need to have a talk, and tell them that you are who you are, and you want their love and support, but you can't hide a big part of yourself from the world. and then just blurt it out. idk... eventually you just kinda have to say the words. it might be really hard, but it will get easier the more you do it. good luck!

 

Thanks - for the advice - i will probably just tell them both face to face and if they don't like it then well i will tackle that when it comes.

 

One idea is not to do it in a public place where it might turn into a dramatic scene. Privately is usually the way to go.

With my limited personal experience, i found telling people seperately without another person in the room the way to go. That way i could get a reaction from them which i knew wasn't influenced by the presence of someone else in the room.

Also i'll pass on some advice someone gave me when i wanted to think of a way to come out. 'Cause i didn't wanna come out of the blue and be like "oh btw i love men", i was questioned about liking another girl (or something along those lines), and i just simply corrected her.

Other than that, good luck, and hope all turns out well.

 

For my parents at least it wasn't really that I was dating a girl that threw them off. It was the idea that I was dating a girl and that I still liked guys. Their reaction was sort of 'well if you like guys why are you dating a girl?' it wasn't that they were against homosexuality really, it was just that they seemed to think that bisexuality isn't real in and of itself, but merely a stage of acceptance of one's homosexuality.

Its something that they're still getting used to, and I try my best not to rub it in their faces, just as they try not to offend me. I think that its totally harder for parents to understand bisexuality, since it isn't as widely accepted as homosexuality. My father's biggest concern was that I was never going to be able to date another guy as they'd be too afraid I'd leave them for a woman. I thought that was kind of funny considering leaving them would be unpleasant no matter who it was for but that's not the point.

The point is, with bisexuality there are going to be a lot more questions, even from parents that are generally socially liberal as mine are. You're going to have to be able to conduct a discussion (perhaps several) with your parents without getting offended or angry that they don't understand. Do your best to feel out the situation, you know your parents better than anyone and are most likely to know how they'll react.

I know how it feels to be standing right on the edge of telling them and not knowing when to spit the words out. However, no matter how bad it gets after you tell them, or the complications it brings, in my experience the coming out takes a huge weight off your shoulders. I'm right here routing for you and don't be afraid to tell them the truth about being bi. They may tell you that its just a phase of questioning, and it might be, but then again it might not. Only you know who you are and who you have feelings for. Good luck, hopefully my advice didn't come to late!

 

thanck you for the advice - it is good to hear it from somone who has recently been in the same poshishion. :applause:

 

that depends on your situation! i lied all the time to my parents... they were un-trustworthy as all fuck! most people know i'm bi and, their reply is something along the lines of: 'so what?' they just don't give a damn they, like me for me. now, that "christian" nutcase john hagee has his school right across the street from where i live. i've have had those "christian" assholes call me things like: goth faggot shit, god hates hippie fags, jesus is going to throw you into the lake of ever buring fire, etc. i have gotten this from both the parents and their kids... and, this is the "family values" crowd too! what sort of god damm family values are those baised on hate! i would lie my head off to those assholes about being bi. better to lie then to get the shit beaten out of you and/or killed any day. my friends, co-workers, employer and, people at my church know i'm bi and, their all find with it. you know your parents do, you think they would be ok with you comming out to them? or, would they go apeshit over it? if you think they would go apeshit then, keep your mouth shut about your sexuality untill you out of their house.

 

i walked in with my girlfriend (who we had invited for dinner), said mom, dad this is my girlfriend, not just my friend... and then proceeded to make out with her and feel her up in front of them.~nakedtreehugger

ok...that was just the most frikn' awesome thing to do! not so sure it was the best approach to the situation, but the thing is when i read it, i totally felt that that was something i would do! our personalities (in that way at least) are sooooo similar...lol