Hey my name is nick im a 16 yr old kid and ive known i was gay for a long time. I have a tendancy to over- analyze things and i am paranoid. Either way at around age 7 i had figured out that it didnt matter what peoples sexual preferences were and thus i didnt see why everyone had to "come out". Recently i have been thinking about telling people and i was looking for a little advice. Im not sure who i should tell though because my dad has heart problems and is a homophob. But i dont want to tell my mom because im living with her and if i screw that up i would be stuck with my dad or in an awkward household. I think my friends would understand but i also have the feeling they might blurt it out or the entire highschool might findout followed by my family. You might have guessed that i dont have many friends either. Partly because i constantly annoy poeple with my over analyzing but i think it is my way of putting up a barrier so that poeple wont findout. But i recently started making some more friends and i think that might screw it up. Can you just give me a little advice? Thanks Nick Ps Maybe you could even coach me through it or something. (not in person of couse maybe like a penpal thing.) i also want to tell my college stepbrother but he is my best support in my family and if i screw it up with him i only have my mom. (dad doesnt like me already neither does my little bro) Oh by the way can you email me at kcinic_original@yahoo.com thanks
This seems to be a common plight of teen guys and I have a common answer. We can't give too much advice because you know the players in this scene better than any of us. You already have your father sized up; you may have support from older bro, but not sure, and you have misgivings about telling your mother. I would say stay closeted until you are older and more independent. I know how guys your age want to be up front with their individuality, but you are still stuck as a dependent on your family who might react badly. I also don't know how many bacward, homophobic assholes are at your school, but even the most enlightened schools have such. If you are in some fundamentalist dominated area you might want to remain closeted for your safety. I hate to say that, and I was one of those misfits in high school who couldn't keep my rad ideas to myself, but my stuff did not garner the hate that coming out gay will get you. So, my advice is one of caution. Be careful and try to survive the next four years until you find independence then move to a gay friendly place and be yourself. But I'm now 60 and not 16.
I second Shale's recommendation. But don't think it's a deadly secret. If you find some good reason to come out, do so. In the mean time, be discrete.
Thanks for the replys (and emails) i will try to continue to check this but i will definatly check my email. I will follow whatever advice i can and i hope that it helps. I will attempt to leave an update or two on how things go over the next few weeks but im not sure if i will be able to. Mostly because i have been doing this at midnight-ish the last two days. I am always looking for more advice. Thanks again, Nick
Relax you do not have to do or say anything necessarily. Sexuality is not the be all and end all of a persons personality. Yes the inherited culture has certainly made a fuss of it thow. Some people would certainly like to regulate every aspect of a persons private and public life. No Gays should not have to come out of a closet, but we do not live in a perfect world. There is allot of academic and popular literature on this issue which may be worth a look at.
kcinic, if at 7 you were already realising you were a touch different, then by 16 its a fair bet there's enough subtle differences between you and the rest of the male population you're age for those close to you to pick up on. Especially you mother. Most mums know far more than we give them credit for when we are in our teens. Anyhow, by the sounds of it you're better off waiting till later to come out. I wouldnt really advise any guy to come out during high school or whilst still under the parents thumb, way too much pressure to add to everything else you have to stress about at that time
kcinic, i personally think people who are unsure or scared of their parents' reactions to coming out, should wait until they're 18 or older - legal purposes. It's sad that anyone should have to hide that from their family but they have complete control of you in a way until you're 18. I also think you should re-read your post.. because you keep saying that you think you're going to mess things up. or screw things up. You sound like a very intelligent person, trust in yourself and who you are, so that when you do come out it doesn't even matter if you're gay.
