Homosexuality/society/family/Scared of coming out/Stay or move on? I need support..

Hi,



I have been going out for a year and a half with my girlfriend. We are both 30, foreigner, living in Barcelona in Spain. She's Russian and I am French. For both of us it was a kind of "love at the first sight" with the feeling that we've known each other before we met. Everything was perfect until we came to reality, until the moment we had to start to talk about serious matters, about a real future together, about a family, about having children and being an homosexual couple etc...

She was the first one to come up with the idea of a future together until the day we went to Russia together and had to face reality and her mum's eyes and realised she couldn't tell her anything about it...She could'nt.So we started to fight and having serious discussions...



For me it's my first serious relationship with someone. I discovered my homosexuality (or bisexulaity ? but now I have it clear I want to share my life with a woman) only three years ago but never had real problem to accept myself and to come out. It was love that I felt and I was able to tell the whole world about it if I had to !!!!

Si I have told my parents about it. My mum is not super happy with the news but she's in the process of acceptation. Anyway, wether people like it or not that's what it is and it's My life !



On the other hand, my girlfriend, (who had been married for more than 6 years with a guy and has got divorced when she realised (along with tremendous sufferings) she was in love with a girl and could no longer stand any sexual relationship with him) has never been able to tell her family (I mean at least her mum since her dad passt away two years ago) about her homosexuality. (Well, at least, she has told it to her dear friends and some colleagues of her at work)



The problem, for me is that she doesn't show any intention of doing so as it could "hurt her mum double" since her sister is also a lesbian and has told her family about it. Her mum doesn't want to hear anything about it and thinks it's a "real shame to have given birth to a girl like this"...



So I am just lost right now. I don't know what to do. I feel especially down since she told me her brother is going to spend three months in Barcelona and stay at her home. She doesn't want him to know anything about it. (well they havn't seen each other for several years and have never really got on well) So to his eyes, we are supposed to be just friends. I am extremely tired of having to hide myself at the age of 30. It makes me feel stressed and not valued at all. She said she loves me and if she had to lose me she would suffer a lot and if we had to break up she will problably regret it, but she doesn't want to really speak about a future with me. (All the more as she told me that kids- and she really want to have some- need their dad's model to grow up in the best conditions) She just says she doesn't exclude me of her future but do not show me any willingness either. She can just tell joke with an ironic tone such as : don't worry our kids won'be like this or like that...



So now girls, I would like to know if you have already lived a situation like this, to what conclusion you came and what happened. Did you break up or did you wait patiently until she felt ready to face reality and accept things how they are...Don't you think she should first solve her internal dilemna on her own before ? What do you think ?



Thanks a million for your support.



Caroline

 

I had a similar situation when I was younger. I graduated from college and was ready to begin life, but my partner was still under the control of her parents and they would never accept her homosexuality. We were together for three years when she told me she didnt know if she could ever tell her parents about us. Which meant I would have to spend the rest of my life being her dirty secret. I couldn't take much more after that, I left her and was crushed for the next three years.

I am dating someone now who is closeted, but it is different because her family doesn't really have control over her.