what is it about? companionship? love? sex? procreating? being a slave? This is what it feels like for me, you get married to a useless guy, you are expected to cook, clean, do laundry, etc., while your man, far from helping, keeps leaving things around for you to pick up... grrrr... I used to think that I wanted children but being a slave to one person is already bad enough, so having kids has left my mind completely and it's now a definite NO NO (I don't mean to offend those of you with kids, you know what I mean) I REALLY miss being single!! I know this is catch 22, if you are single you want to be with someone and when you find somebody you feel that maybe being single was better BUT... I've always been very independent and done my own thing. When I turned 20 I moved abroad by myself and I managed to work while studying (I mean serious studying -a BA, a MA- while supporting myself), I did a lot of traveling, saved enough money to get a mortgage, etc. So I get married, my husband turns out to be in (big) debt, gets very defensive when I mention it (so I have no control over it whatsoever), I keep getting letters regarding credit card debt that he tells me to ignore "because they are a scam" (I mean, maybe some of them are, but all?), so obviously he has bad credit and therefore will never be able to get a mortgage (which creates uncertainty and makes me feel insecure)... he also had the nerve to give up work a month after we got married and a year later he was still sitting on his arse! I married a super sweet guy with no sex drive so I get good snuggles and loving words but sex only once in a blue moon, seriously, once every 3-4 months... I feel so deprived that I'm considering cheating, much to my own shock! I keep feeling that I don't want to be married, but I try to make it work... The main reason why I do this is that I know my family would be gutted if I left him... of course they have no idea what I've been through cause I don't mention any of the bad (what's the point in upsetting them?), so they adore the super sweet guy that I married... I know the perfect marriage doesn't exist, I don't live on the clouds... but what does being married mean to you?
I'll be married for 20 years at the end of June. I'm happy and blessed to have found a woman in my wife. Good in every way. Too good for me actually but, she isn't a soul-mate. Over the years i've fell in love with 3 other women unintentionally. 2 of 3 were married women whose wants, desires in ever thing were the same as my own. Marriage has nothing to do with control its always 50/50 in all things. If its not then there is a problem.. Sex wise we do it 1-3 times a week and i consider that good for a couple thats had nothing but each other for 20 years lol. I'm wildly uninhibited and erotic and she is conservative.. so yeah i get laid enough to keep me home i say lol. I think 90% plus of people are married to the wrong person .. They got married before they actually found themselves and have per say settled. They stay because of children. You probably need to talk it over with your spouse. You seem to be like alot of married men and women who settle for less then their hearts desire. Best of luck
marriage is an institutional based hypocricy created to make women and men miserable for years and years until they wake up and realize they were better off alone. haha, im such a nay sayer.
The institution of marriage is meaningless -- just a way for the authorities (the church in the old days, now the government) to keep track of people. However, I think the practice of marriage is great, if you can find someone you really want to be with. Sure beats the hell out of going from partner to partner your whole life. But then again, if that's what it takes to find that special person, it's worth it.
I do not believe in marriage. but one of my close friends is a big fan, and told me his ultimate achievement would be to marry and spend the rest of his life with that person. he put it more passionately, but I won't waste your time with more words than necessary. but from our talks, we agree that marriage is about commitment. you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone. no small promise, I'm sure you'll agree. Lilia, only you know if you've made the right choice in who you've commited to spending the rest of your life with. but assuming that you still want to spend the rest of your life with your husband, it is paramount that the two of you can spend your lives in happiness. I'm sure if you read through your post and reflect upon its content, the answers you need will come to you. all the best.
what is it about? companionship? love? sex? procreating? being a slave? This is what it feels like for me, you get married to a useless guy, you are expected to cook, clean, do laundry, etc., while your man, far from helping, keeps leaving things around for you to pick up... grrrr... I used to think that I wanted children but being a slave to one person is already bad enough, so having kids has left my mind completely and it's now a definite NO NO (I don't mean to offend those of you with kids, you know what I mean) It really depends on what type of person you are and how you value relationships, and the same goes for your spouse...I have been with my wife for 7+ years (married 2), we were just recently separated for 4 months and now back together...We had realized how much we do love each and we have a 5yr old and our relationship is stronger than ever... But really it is what you put into it...guys complain about not getting enough sex well how much effort are you putting into your wife...women same goes for you.... Lilia...it just sounds like you haven't found the right guy for your personality....and I think the right guy will depend on his family upbringing...I was raised in the type of family where you cleaned up after yourself, ect, ect.....and you took care of your family......I do 70% of the work around the house, cooking, cleaning, ect... and work 50hrs a week....and thats OK with me..my wife has a bach deg in psychology so I let her focus on more of the parenting skills/techniques and i just follow her lead and we could not have asked for a better child....he's still a dadd'y boy tho because with everything else I still do everything I possibly can with him (sports, other activities).... anyways sorry...you just gotta find the right guy that has the same wants, desires, beliefs that you do and its all about figuring out how to manage your time and how things get done especially when kids r involved.....and dont be afraid to voice your opinion about the cleaning and so forth......change can only happen if communicated well and effort is put forth to make it happen...how that helps any
I would say marraige is stupid, if you want to have kids have them, but now you got greed involved in raising kids, broke fucks and all these laws to strip a father of his income, its all fucking bs. I see no reason to latch my self to someone through a book that I don't even read and then have a lawyer come try and fiddle my anus with his tung, if money wasn't such an issue then people could do what they wanted to, but you know people nowadays want to live forever and they need need need so much yet they aren't willing to find ways to get it without shelling out doe. Like hey have a baby and go make some hemp diapers while your baking babies. Find a cave and bah fuck it
I don't believe in marriage. I mean, how can you be with the same person until death or until there's a divorce or something. I just can't picture it in my head. I just can't. I told this to some people and they said, well you're still young..bla bla. I get the point and I'm sure my opinion will stay like this for a long time.
I am not completely sure about marriage. I mean, maybe someday I'll marry. But I just don't like the way people view marriage today. It pisses me off to see all this shit about marriage. If you marry someone marry them for love not anything else. Don't be a fucking gold digger, I hate bitches like that. Don't marry, just because you forgot to wrap your willy and opps now theres a kid and I think since I am the father I should do the right thing. I agree, that alot of places strip men of their rights, when it comes to divorce. I mean how come the mother, most of the time gets the kids? How come the father has to pay child support and the mother doesn't? How come women try so hard to screw men over during a divorce? How come greedy bitches and basturds marry for money? I just don't get it anymore. I just don't know why people are always trying to hurt one another. It just makes me want to cry to see people hurting so bad. This is why I am so scared of marriage. Tiffany
Marriage used to be the mutual promise and trust that the husband and wife would both give their lives with eternal love until the day they die. Marriage is a very good thing for the psychological health of the couple and their children and grandchildren. Marriage is the ultimate potential for love and the betterment of humanity. But the potential cannot be realized if love is not present. The act of marriage is not the spirit of marriage. I’ve been married 35 monogamous years, and I can see the results in my children’s lives. I love my wife and children more than I love myself, and I will do anything to better their lives. Anything less, is conforming to the establishment. Hippies love all life, including their children’s lives. A person cannot be a pro-love hippy if the person does not live for the betterment of life. To me, marriage means that I have a soul mate/best friend to share my life’s joys, and my ideals of pro-Nature, pro-environment, pro-love, pro-respect, pro-peace, pro-honesty, pro-ethics, pro-renewable energy, and bell bottom Levis, are being passed on to my descendants.
I met my soul mate, luckily, and we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. There's not a doubt in my mind that I'm going to be with this awesome guy forever. Marriage...in our eyes we're already "married." We both wear rings, we live together, ect. ect. ect. But we're not sure about ceremonies and paperwork. Marriage in the modern, acceptable, puritan sense seems dirty and fake. We've devoted ourselves to eachother and made a promise to one another. That's marriage. He made a good point too. Husband and Wife have become dirty words in our society. They have negative connotations now. Even if we do have a wedding and sign a piece of paper I'm still calling him my boyfriend. He's still calling me his girlfriend. A boyfriend is somebody you choose to be with...a husband is somebody you're legally bound to.
In my opinion, marriage mostly as it's been practiced through the ages is about security, stability, and sex. I am thoroughly not into marriage as it's currently defined, preferring to work towards achieving security and stability through the implementation of COMMUNITY, which in it's way is a form of marriage, since I am certainly married to my tribe. This whole "soul mate" thing I find rediculous. There are many souls I'm mated with, have a strong bond with, am Brothers or Sisters with, which is a bond that is for life, unbreakable and UNCONDITIONAL. This unconditional love I feel is completely AT ODDS with monogamous relationships, since how can love be unconditional if there are so many CONDITIONS attached to it (that he doesn't become an asshole, loose his job, cheat on me, whatever)? People grow and change, and although some are able to maintain "monogamous relationships" for long periods, I have no intention of doing so, and think that most who do, are deluding themselves about why they do it (with some exceptions of course). I don't want to be half a person co-dependent on another, but a whole person, loving other whole people. I don't like "girlfriend" any more than wife, since they have the same connotations. Joshua
theres your problem. You shouldn't be a slave to any adult or kid. Thats just wrong. with kids its not like you'd be a slave, its just that they are not able to look after themselves. adults are but often choose not to be. Marriage is about companionship and love. He is my best friend and we don't take each other for granted. Might be time to have a chat with your husband about how you feel. You don't marry someone so that you have a slave.
