I write haikus in my sparetime (in French class), can you tell me if they are any good? I want to now if they are good enough to keep writing them... Nearby a bird sings All of the world seems alive Nature welcomes spring. A song in the air Take me to another time When the world was young Your laughter like chimes Seemed to make the world brighter Smile for us again Longing for your light We wait silently in hell Save us from our pit
The Great War rages In chaos I find silence A dream in a dream Your smile like spring My winter heart seems to melt You brighten my world With you, I can be happy My heart blooms again
these are nice! you did a great job... look up "haiku" in Wikepedia and it will tell you that sometimes we have to shorten our version (5-7-5) to something with less syllables (10 to 14 total vs. the 17 of 5-7-5) because the Japanese language doesn't have as many stresses. So your work is excellent, but play with something shorter and see if you like it... This was my favorite and really works with the 5-7-5 format: The Great War rages In chaos I find silence A dream in a dream
Some were great, but some had too many cliches or weak lines: Your smile like spring My winter heart seems to melt You brighten my world With you, I can be happy My heart blooms again I really liked the first few, though you could have more punch in that final line.
