i had a boyfriend some time ago (something about year and a half). the reason of our parting isn't clear for me still. well i thought i managed and dealt with it but once a time it appears i didn't. usually after breaking up i wasn't upset for too long. but this time is much worse. we wasn't together too long. and he is not the kind of person i used to like as boyfriends. he is shy, doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, doesn't party the way i do. he's a model christian - i'm not christian at all. he said it didn't matter. our relationship was heaven - i had cute boy who cared of me, walked me home in spite of fact he was living far away... then all cracked up. i invite him for a party (there's tradition in poland to have a party organized by school about hundred days before final exams in high school). some days after he just left. i knew he has strict parents, but didn't think it was that bad. he told me they forbid him to meet me and they always wanted him to be a priest so probably he would be. then we decided to have short break to rethink it all. i spoke to my mum. she agreed that if he decide to be with me and his parents chuck him out of home, he can live with us. than had a talk with him. i said i won't stop insist if his parents are the only reason and if he loves me. he said 'so i don't love you' but wanted me as friend. we don't meet. actually i started quite new life. about month after i went to spain for three months. than came back and move to another city to study. but when i'm in hometown i pass him on the streets. sometimes i write to him i'm in the city and ask him for a walk. he always repeats he doesn't have time. i know he doesn't have any girlfriend and hasn't have since left me. i don't know whether he's happy or not - once i have a possibility to ask him whether he is, his answers are always ambigious. i don't know what to do. i'm going to come back home for holiday. his birthday is coming, i'll send him a message. but is there anything i can do more? i don't want to be malicious but don't want to miss a chance, either. is it good idea to tell him i'm still in love with him but i don't want him to be my boyfriend again if it'll make him unhappy? i just can't breathe thinking of him. my heart is in pieces again. sometimes i think it's all right and that i managed but how long can it last... in couple of days i will think it's ok but then after week or two feel broken again.
Do what your heart tells you to do. If you still love him it can't hurt to just tell him how you feel. And if it is him that does not want to be with you and it has nothing to do with his parents then he needs to tell you that. No good will come from you eating yourself up over it. The truth will help you get over it. You sound like you love him very much. You deserve the truth. Confront him with your feelings. There is no shame in doing this. Good luck. Peace
well, it won't hurt me but it may hurt him. he's the kind of person that cares a lot of anybody. i suppose he likes me still a lot so doesn't want me to suffer. i'm afraid it will be painful to him to know i love him badly and don't want to meet anyone else. if he loves me - it's ok. he would probably tell the truth if he sees i need it. but if he doesn't love i'm afraid he'll act like he does. just to make me happy. even if not, he would still suffer because he would know i love him. it's all so complicated. i did so many things to forget him that i'm ashamed. it doesn't help at all. i feel i need to contact him but what if he feels bad about it... i just don't want to hurt him. but if i don't try, i will never know. i don't know if it isn't selfish to tell him what i feel. i hate this day. really hate it. i have never feel so awfully. sometimes i think that i still live too close and the only way to get rid of memories is next change. since he left me i have changed so many things and it still doesn't help. how to know whether the next change will make me feel better or not... i feel like i tumbled so much that i cannot tumble more. i got dreadlocks (which i like but he doesn't), started smoke (and gave up many times, he doesn't know), getting drunk as often as possible. i'm no good any more. have some friends and love them, but hate all new people. don't like going out any more. don't have dreams at all. and tried to change any time i'm strong enough to change, what never helps...
