I Should be Broken-Hearted.. (its a long one)

But I knew it was comin, it was just a matter of when. Last Friday afternoon I get a call from my former best friends boyfriend, with whom I'd never spoken. He tells me my former best friend (who we'll call andrew) is in jail on a warrant for a traffic ticket. He tells me he's trying to bail him out.. blah.. blah.. He calls me back to tell me "its more worse than I though." He tells me that he was arrested for possesion. I ask for possesion of what? He tries to avoid the question. he asks for bail money. I deny it. I have been this boy's friend since we were 17, we lived together, we traveled together, he introduced me to all the drugs Ive ingested or smoked. He and his mother did so much for me, including buying my cap and and gown so I could walk across the stage at graduation and were the only people there for me that night. I was homeless my senior year of high school, and they bought me a tent and brought me food, took me into their home. Most importantly he taught me what affection is. His mother taught me what motherly love and affection is like. Up until then I was so used to nothing but anger from my mother and knowing I could show my love for someone and it not being a bad thing was wonderful. I learned so much, some bad, some good. So, the downward spiral started about two years ago. We were partying like crazy 22 year olds do. going to the bar every night, doing a fair share of cocaine.. one day, he couldn't find coke, so he smoked crack. I eventually tried it, and it was alway, for me at least, a sporadic thing. I know its bad.. I know.. few months go by, we do it every couple weeks, then he gets 9 G from his Granpa, and I find a crack pipe in his car door.. I ask him about it, and he says he's smoking every day. He blew through that money in about a month. He started selling books, cd's small things, then his jewelry. then his dead grandmothers jewelry, then his boyfriends clothes, cd's, then his boyfriends friends jewelry all the while denying he stole anything. he wrote bad checks all over town, overdrew his bank accounts. His mother kicked him out, I took him in at work risking getting fired if they caught me. He promised he had stopped. I was missing money, old lady was missing money. he uses my credit card to buy beer at a bar without telling me, knowing I had no money on the card. I kicked him out. he shows up one day, crying because he contracted HIV from hooking for cash. He lived out of his car for about 6 months. I didnt talk to him for about 8 months after that. His mother doesnt hear from him in forever, she calls me to ask about him. He calls me one day about a month later, tells me he's working at macy's, hes cleaned up, living at home again. he has a boyfriend who's also HIV positive. I didnt question it. so, when I tell andrew's boyfriend that Ive been through everything with him, he tells me hes's been arrested for possesion of cocaine. I tell him you mean crack, not cocaine. We had been talking every day lately, he came over for lunch, we smoked out. He seemed humbled, he seemed to have learned his lesson. I tell him Im not giving him bail money, and to just let it be. Hes crying to me on the phone. I call his mom, tell her whats going on, get his boyfriend and his mom talking, and tell him I can do nothing. I sit there and think; If he's lying about not smoking crack, about paying his bills, what else he could be lying about. I stop and think: hes lying about his boyfriend being positive and my concience won't let me forget. I call him back, and ask him to sit down. I ask him if its true he's HIV positive, he pauses, says "no, why?" I say, Because andrew is.. I know they've been having unprotected sex, and He says nothing for a few seconds.. then hes starts saying Oh my god over and over. I tell him Im sorry to have to tell him that, but I had to. He says he's gotta call me back.. A few hours go by. I suddenly remember he didnt call me back. I call him, he sounds calm, says hes talking to andrew's mom about getting him out. I didnt ask. I told him to tell andrew I never want to talk to him again. He is a murderer. I won't be friends with a murderer. he called me today. I hung up on him. I should be broken-hearted that I finaly lost my best friend, but I can't.

 

wow. fuck that guy. they should leave him in jail

i'm sorry about you losing your friend though

 

I had to tell two of his exes to get tested, an there's another guy he dated, who I think he might have infected. I know where he lives, but I dont know if I should do something about it. On one side its none of my business, but on the other hand, I would want to know if I was in that situation. I dont know what to do.

 

well you've already done it 3 times now, and this other guy deserves the chance to get tested and get whatever treatment is needed, so i would say to go for it... even if you just left him an anonymous message saying that he needs to get tested, odds are it will creep him out enough to do it, and like i said he has the right to know..

 

That's...extremely messed up, I'm sorry to hear about all of it. I couldn't imagine going as far to support a friend like you did, just to see it sort of wasted away like that. Ugh and his boyfriend; I think you definitely did the right thing by letting him know, but that had to feel pretty horrible.

*edit: Tell any ex you can; imagine if the third ex didn't know he contradicted it from him, and then continued having sex with other people

 

actually, its 4 people I had to tell. his two exes, his current boyfriend and his mom. I tried to help him as much as possible because I love him fiercely. but to no avail. It did feel horrible to tell people. especially his mom who has a heroin junkie older son with full blown aids and a methadone dependency, a husband who does nothing but watch internet porn and eat. she has spinal cancer, she can hardly walk. Her little brother had aids as well, and died of an infection. she nursed him while he was dying. andrew was 10 and saw his uncle die.. she is the most wonderful caring warm geberous person Ive ever met. I Love that woman more than I Love my own mother. she doesnt deserve to deal with all this bullshit. I wanna cry now.

 

im so sorry hon..
sometimes drugs like taht stop people from being who they are. hes not who he was when he was your friend, hes someone else and you owe him nothing until hes on the path to becoming himself again
i vote for visiting his mom regularly though, because she sounds like shes been really awesome to you and in general, and might want a friendly face around more often

 

thanks hon. I keep in touch with momma. I should more often. She works two jobs, I work 24/5 and I dont know her hours. I cant just show up because her other son and I dont get along, and Id hate to dirupt her. she needs her rest. she's probably really lonely.

 

i'm so sorry all of this drama trauma is in your life, hun. BIG HUGS. i wish i knew what to say to make you feel a little better, but you seem to be doing exactly what you feel is right to be doing, and i wanna tell you WAY TO GO. it's often really hard to know what to do when a friend isn't the way they used to be, and it's hard to figure out where your loyalties and ethics lie. but you seem to have it figured out, and it's awesome. i'm really sorry things turned out this way for your friend.

 

Hilder, you sound like a strong decent person. Sorry, you lost your friend.

Peace.

 

thanks Ya'll.

 

if you normally get hte same days off, or at least know them ahead of time, you could call her up and offer to come by every other week for lunch or an afternoon or something

 

Sorry for your loss.

 

thank you dave. Allonym, that is a good idea. she needs sane normal people to vent to. I will try. i hope he doesnt move back home. At thsi point I believe he4 still with his boyfriend. I dont know if he told him I told him about him being postive. I just know he's gonna keep spreading it, and I cant do anything to stop him.

 

WOw, you know i wish i had some incouraging words, some how sorry just doesn't seem to cut it. I know i don't know you or your friends but i deeply wish there was something i could do.

 

That sucks!

Feel what you need to feel and move on.

I know you are strong.

Puff, puff, pass...

 

thanks guys. Dang UA, Its been a while since Ive seen ya round.. maybe I need to cut back on the green..















nah..

 

That made me laugh!

Been kind of busy these days in Central America. Also been real stoned all of the time.

But a hug and a toke go your way...