Need some help with love

Don't know where to begin. Met this girl online, almost a year ago, She disappeared from my life, in about October of last year, then suddenly came back into my life around this March, this is the time that I, realized that I really fell in love with this girl. Suddenly, something happened, in her life, when I asked she wouldn't tell me, what happened. Right, after that I noticed a change in her behavior. Before all this happened, she told me, she would keep in touch me, by email and phone, but I'm not so sure now if she would. She has disappeared from life about three weeks ago, without saying anything to me. I know that she is young and still has a lot to learn. So, I was wondering, if she would contact me, and if so, how soon will that be? My, heart has been aching right after that. Also, does she have any feelings for me, and did I push her away, or was it something else? Will the two of us end up together, in 4-6 year time frame? Her name starts with an s and DOB is 4/22/90 and my name starts with an r DOB 10/31/82 hope this helps

thank you

 

I was going to give up giving advice, but this one seems like a no-brainer. Please, for your own sake, give up thoughts of romance with this girl. She is very bad news.

 

Thank you for a reply zengizmo, would you specify why this girl is very bad news?

 

Okay rmg, I'll spell it out for you, but I can see that you're going to do everything you can to rationalize why what I say doesn't matter [*sigh*].

You said it yourself: She's immature. You think maybe with time she's going to grow up for you? Huh uh, rmg, that's breaking rule #1 of relationships: Never, never, never get involved with someone if you're hoping they will change their ways for you. Accept them as they are, or not at all. Can you live with her disappearing for long periods of time and then suddenly reappearing with no explanation? Can you have emotional intimacy with someone who refuses to be open and honest with you? And more to the point: What is so bad in her life that she's afraid to tell you? There is bad and there is bad, rmg - how bad can you stand it, considering you have no way of knowing just how bad it is? It could be bad enough to destroy your dreams or worse, yet you want to forge ahead without knowing. rmg, this situation is a disaster waiting to happen.

You want this relationship because she said and did some things that make you feel that she cares about you - it felt good, and you want to keep feeling good like that. But consider: How much does she REALLY care about you if she disappears like this without a word and refuses to explain what's going on when she shows up again? Let me spell it out for you: N-o-t v-e-r-y m-u-c-h. And therefore it is just a matter of time - a very short time, I'll wager - before you find yourself feeling very, very bad about her lack of caring.

What you're experiencing is not love - it's infatuation. My advice is to do whatever it takes to emotionally separate yourself from her. Kill the pain in any way you can - you can free yourself from pain and longing in a matter of a mere day or two, if you really make up your mind to do so, I guarantee it. And find other girls - but don't let yourself get attached again so quickly, because you have a weakness in that area.

On the other hand if you want to learn some hard, hard lessons that will leave you with unforgettable scars, by all means ignore me or explain away my points. Some of us only learn the hard way - and I confess I've made more than my share of mistakes - which is why I'm trying to save you from yourself by sharing what I've learned.

 

Yeah, sounds like wise words from the school of hard knocks and i've been there too when i was younger ... fell for a woman who made me feel good for a couple of months but twelve years later it's still painful. It was almost more than i could handle and very nearly drove me to suicide... she was one helluva messed up woman. Zengizmo has made some good points about her behaviour ...those red flags/warnings that we so easily dismiss and think we can deal with. It's not a case of her being good or bad but rather a case of finding someone who actually loves you ... mutually.

 

Thank you guys,

I see your point, actually I did tell her, that she doesn't seem to care, and that she can always leave me a message. She did tell me, she doesn't like to open up, that she would rather keep things to herself, I told her that it is not a very good thing to do, going to have problems, with that attitude. I left her several messages, saying how I felt, that she doesn't care about my feelings. All, I got from her, is that she stopped reading my messages, cause they were emotional. The last time, that I saw she was on, I told her, hey, cant believe you are on right now, no reply from her then, a minute later she logged. Love is blind ; ;

 

Good for you fella for saying those things to her ..and for recognising it in the first place! It's tough i know and i hope you're not hurting too mutch right now. We all need a reality check when it comes to romance ... is it love, or infatuation. Infatuation is like our mind and thoughts running away with our desires ...a really emotionally charged mindtrip ... but like zengismo says, these things can dissapear quickly if we hold our attention, come back to the present moment (ie. not living in the past or future with our desires or regrets) ...and basically stop thinking about it (her). The more we think, the harder it'll be. But do give the whole thing some thought because it seems there are things to learn here. Have compassion for yourselves both, it's about separating the real from the unreal, truth from illusion, and not mistaking someones mask or form for who they really are. It'll be respectful to you both if you try and stick to what you know is really true because tagging along with someone elses desires is a dead end. Do what you think is really best. (and you've heard what we think!).
Today is the begining of the rest of your life. That past is no more and the universe is out there, ready and willing to serve and guide you.

 

Yeah! Let me add my "atta boy" to what liquidlight said. I know it's hard to see clearly when you're [*ahem*] "in love" - I like to point out that the state of being "in love" is a form of temporary insanity - this is why it's good to drop in at the corner pub and let your mates help you confirm what you already know deep in your heart. Ya done good, rmg. After having experiences like that a few times (and other interesting ones, too), you can get so sensitive to it you'll be able to drop a woman so fast she'll wonder if you ever really existed at all. It's a valuable skill to learn.

 

thank you guys, I actually feel better now

You aren't going to believe this, So, I went to ************ and do a search on a friend, find the person, and I ask if, it is in fact that person, the next day I get no reply, and that profile no longer exists. So, was it the person I was looking for, and what happened, if it was that person, why no reply and deleting their profile from that website? Wha the heck happened, could have just emailed me, not its not me lol or something.

This month is just going down the hill for me, lol. I hope it gets better the next month.

 

RMG- I've had patches like that in my own life. Check your deodorant and pop a peppermint, so you know that it's not you, then chalk it up to 'people change, and not always for the better' your 'friend' might have decided to evac out of the friendship for whatever reason. Let'em. If they're your friend and want to be part of your life, they'll make an effort to stay in touch. If they can't be buggered, then are they really worth keeping around, or busting your nuts trying to keep up with?

 

I am just wondering if, that was the person I was looking for, or was I mistaken, and that was someone I totally don't know.

 

Either way, I don't think it matters too terribly much. If it was, then they had their reasons for breaking off contact, and if it wasn't, then it wasn't. I couldn't tell you, because I don't know the person in question, but I think you get the drift?

 

Yeah, I get the drift, just thinking to myself, if it wasn't the person, then could have just emailed and said sorry dude, wrong person, instead of deleting the profile LMAO

 

yeah, which would be the polite thing, but people, when talked to by strangers, tend to be rude first.

 

rmg, just blow it off.

I have had women do the most amazingly unbelievable things to me...it's not you, first of all - it's them. There are lots of people with major problems in life, God help us all. What this experience is doing is pushing you against the borders of your earthly envelope. You need to maintain your sense of self worth. THAT is what this is all about. I can see you're right on the frontiers of your ability to cope - this is how the spirits stretch us. You'll pull through, and you'll be stronger when you come out the other side. Keep remembering: We are spirits having a human experience. Imagine if you were playing a computer/video rpg game, and suddenly the NPC's in the game started doing weird, inexplicable things...it would still be part of the game, and it would be for some reason you might not yet understand. But as the game progresses, pieces start to fall into place, and you think, "THAT's why that happened..."

 

Old crone keeps repeating it and you've just said it again and how true it is. It's been dawning on me again recently and working it's magic on my psyche. It's very freeing
...so easy to start thinking we are trying to do the opposite.

Time for the old corny quote i think:
"He who clings to a joy does the winged life destroy, but he who kisses a joy as it flies, lives in eternitys sunrise."

But i'll change it about:
"He who clings to life does life destroy, but he who kisses life as it flies, lives in life."

 

I like both those quotes, liquidlight - I'll try to remember too. It's easy when the light is shining, you know? It's the dark times that are challenging.

 

Ain't they just. It's kinda funny ... when things are going well and you are creating and gaining things. Things are good. ... one can lose oneself, ones center, in it and we become absorbed by the outer world, yet it's the hard times of doubt, loss and lonliness that make us steel ourselves and bear the pain and drive us inward again to remember the connection.
A very good shamanic councelor i had sessions with said to me "The darkness gives us something to push against."
Also, "The darkness strikes at our soft underbelly." ... our weakness, which i think for many of us here is also our strength. It's our light ... love, understanding and compassion. It's kinda like being naturally submissive and we let people abuse us and take us for granted ... until we learn. We can't fight back but we can let go.

 

(sits back, reading)

 

Actually another thing that guy said to me (with regard to egomaniac control freaks)was "You do it because you know what's really there" ... you forgive them for what they havn't really done ... you come to your senses, you realise they are unconcious and trapped in fear ...and ego, yet you also see their pure untouched essence and the truth pounds away at you smashing through the illusion and smashing away your own pride.
I changed my sig' recently to the three wise monkey thing because it reflects this whole concept, which also is dawning on me again right now.