What to Do?!? Opinions Welcome!

Okay this may be a long-ass story, so prepare yourself. I just need all the advice I can get. I'm confused, frustrated and just don't know quite what to do in this situation.
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Well, let me start from the beginning. In Senior year of High School, I met someone in one of my classes, well two of them. Someone who I never met before. His name was Jonathan and he was in a grade below me, a Junior. At the time, however, I was in a long-term relationship, hitting the 2 1/2 year mark and everything. In talking with this guy, I learned to have this strong connection with him, thus making me dump my boyfriend of almost three years for basically a complete stranger. Yet we started to talk all the time, it would be usually at least 4 hours on the phone each night. Just talk and learning about each other. It was just an amazing time. Even one night, we didn't have to talk and yet I felt like I had the best conversation of my life. It was just a surreal feeling and vibe that was never there before, especially with my boyfriend. I just knew it was something special that I had to have in my life. We started to go out, yet this guy was also very weird. Of course, at the time I was still naive, immature and impatient person. At times, I didn't get to see him all the time and sometimes he would completely ignored me like I wasn't there. It just wasn't fun. So I broke up with him. We now know it was just no communication at all with us, yet we could talk about anything but our relationship. Well, we try it again and all that happen and he broke up with me on my birthday, yes we call that a jerk. But we never stopped talking. Yet I moved on, found another boyfriend, but I always talked to him. We hung out a few times in the summer before college, last summer and all that. I mean, we didn't talk all the time, but alot compare to many other exes I had where I never talked. This was definitely something different. He was basically waiting to be with me again. This is all on a course of two years. And in those two years until now, he never got with anybody else. Well recently, well as of July of this year, we started to go out. We both felt it was the right time, yet we haven't seen each other in a month or so. Well he disappeared. He never called, never got in contact with me in any way. This was a whole month of not talking to him. Suddenly he appears on my buddy list and we started to talk again. We hung out that night and it felt like nothing happen in that month. We hung out for three consective days and it was amazing. Unfortunately, I had to go away that weekend, so I wasn't able to see him. However when I came back, we talked and I got to see him that Wednesday, two days after I came back. It felt like things were finally coming together and we were able to develop this relationship and these feelings. We loved each other and we knew this was it for us. Well, a week later, he's gone again, I'm worry and not sure what to think, I even started to check the paper for any news on any kid. I was scared and didn't know what to do. I found out he was on the streets for a week, yet no contact with me at all. I was upset but at the same time relieved to see him. He said he had only 20 bucks to his name and he needed it for food. He lives not nearby, but not far either. So, if he wanted to, he could have definitely have seen me. Which I never understood. Anywho, that Monday we decided to hang out, and I'm at school. So, after school, I call up saying I'm coming over and he's all fine with that. Well, when I get to his house, he's not there. He was pulled over with his friend who drives and not at his house. That pissed me off, because he knew I was coming over and everything. Well, we talked about it and things are fine, I guess you could say. On Wednesday, we try again and finally get to see each other. Things are awesome, we are just relaxing and just hanging out, it was perfect. I didn't have a ride home, so I asked him if he wanted to come over but he told me he wasn't allowed out of his house until 7 when his mom comes home, so I was like okay just walk me a bit and he was fine, it's works. Well his friends kept calling and all that and I misunderstood this part because I thought he was going over his friend's house and all that, I got upset and just left. Bad on my part, I know. Well, that night he never returned my phone calls and everything. That was last Wednesday. Anywho, I had a friend of mine to call his house and what you know he picks up, so I talked to him, I'm angry. I don't hear from him and my mind is wondering what is going on and I was hoping he was okay and all that. Well, his family and the whole background with that isn't the best. His mother just complains on what a failure he is and how stupid he is, etc. All she does is just yell and kick me out whenever she feels like it, just not fun for him. Well Tuesday, after getting ahold of him, thanks to my friend, we talked for a few hours. He was crying saying how he was sorry and all that and from that conversation, everything was alright. Yet he didn't even know if he would be there all night due to his mom kicking him out again and all that. Well, it's Thursday and I haven't heard from him. Another thing is that I love him with all my heart and everything and I would totally marry him in a second if I could, yet my temptations are there and I like this kid. I am a horrible person I know. Just hard to really not to look when my boyfriend disappears all the time. I mean, I just feel like if we didn't have this pressure of a relationship until he is reliable then things would be fine. I mean I know it's wrong for me to look at another guy let alone try to pursue something with that person. I won't cheat, that's just not me. But I don't know what to do. Not sure when I will talk to my boyfriend again but then I keep thinking about this other guy and he's really cool that I know of so far, I want to get to know him better for some reason, I like him. I don't know what to do here, I don't want to give up on him, but then I don't want to be tie down to something that isn't there quite yet. We haven't yet developed anything because of everything that is going on. I just don't want to hurt him and yet I don't want to be frustrated and not know when will be the next time I talk to my own boyfriend. Just not fair the situation and if I didn't love him as much as I do, I would have gave up. I mean I have said that each time he has disappear, because I can't deal with it, but I don't want to, I just say those things in a fit of frustration, but I love him so much but I am still young and confused and want to have fun. Any advice?

 

My first advice is paragraphs. As for your problem it seems you're in one of those situations where things will never change. Judging by your description it seems he doesn't respect you or your feelings. A significant other who drops communication randomly for periods of time and stands you up is not very admirable. I hate to be negative but could it be possible there's someone else? I'm assuming you're involved sexually and it seems he's only putting forth enough effort in the relationship to keep that going. That's my two cents.

 

well we are not sexually involved, because it hasn't even gotten to that point. I'm sorry I didn't put them in paragraphs, I was just wanted to write everything done because it was frustrating. And I really don't think there is someone else, he's one of their guys that just wouldn't do that. I know that sounds like a lame excuse, but I just think that it's probably drugs which was one of the reasons why he was gone for a month, he was in rehab, I don't know. I emailed him and saying I can't do this, so it just works out that I am single and it's better that way, for the both of us. Thank you though.

 

honey, that sucks a lot. right now im going through a similar situation w/ my best friend although i dont have any romantic feelings for him. maybe we should be a little selfish. i mean, it sounds like you are trying everything you can to fix things but its just not working. theres a point when you need to care about yourself. i know you love him as much as i love don, but there needs to be a point when we say "i love you, but this isn't healthy for me. if you need anything, ill be there for you. lets take some time to heal and rediscover ourselves. then we'll know for sure what to do." i don't know if this is right, but that is where i am at. maybe you have a different take on the situation. but one thing i do know is that before we can love others to our full potential, first we must love ourselves. we are all beautiful if we let ourselves see that beauty.


peace & love
kim