Last year, I posted yet another loooonngg post about my concerns and excitements of a guy I got to know from work. I just want to say thank you soooo much, for helping me NOT make the biggest mistake of my life - I can never tell you all how grateful I am!!!!! Some of you said I should be careful, as I had alarm bells ringing as to whether this guy wanted me, or just wanted to sleep with me. You were supportive and gave great opinions, on a situation that I was too much into to see what was really going on. Well - he came in and out of my life - talking one minute, vanishing for weeks the next. Telling me he was single, and then slipping up and mentioning a girlfriend. And little by little my feelings of "he's the one" changed to "why does he think this is acceptable behaviour?". His latest disappearance was for 4 months. And now he is back. Only this time, it was screamingly obvious and I can't believe I didn't see it before. He ONLY wants sex. He said that I wouldn't be just a 'Bonk buddy', but he doesn't want a relationship as it only causes pain. That everyone else is sleeping around, and I would always be more than a Bonk buddy to him, and that we'd always be 'friends'.....except all he ever contacts me about it sex. Even says lots "I need to f**k you Jinny" Oh really ? Ha! Not ever happening dude! Until a few months ago, I still wished he'd been around, and was still sure I would have lost my virginity to him, but you know what ? - now I can really see it for what it was, and what it is.....I don't have any feelings but pity for him, and relief for me. So, there you have it. I am still a single virgin at 32years old, and very much NOT happily so, but I don't want to be a random one night stand, or a meaningless sex buddy. So, for me, even if I die a virgin...which given past to present history, is a real possibility - I will die, knowing that I didn't make a huge mistake, and that I won't have to die regretting giving a very special part of me up, with someone who doesn't give a damn about me as a person, and just wants to bed a virgin. I am so utterly and completely grateful to you guys. Thank you. (((( HUGS ))))
Jinny - I hope you find the love of your life, a guy who will be a good, considerate, faithful lover. You deserve it.
It isn't about being 'safe' whatever that means?... for me, I just don't want to feel used. That's all. When the time is right, and with the right person, then things may change. Right now though - I'm just glad I didn't give it up with this guy, and that the people who posted opinions here - at a time when I was so clouded by what I thought this guy was, not what he actually was - really did help me see the wood from the trees. :grouphug:
well, no offense, but i wouldn't date a guy for months on end with no sign i'd ever get any sex out of it. you act like your virginity is some precious jewel to be given in exchange for a signed contract. to me, that attitude is what cheapens the whole thing. personally, i don't have any confidence that i'm truly compatible with a guy unless i have sex with him. i wouldn't buy a pig in a poke, as the old saying goes. i believe we should love freely the one we choose to love instead of using sex as a bartering tool in a contractural negotiation. i was in a 16 year marriage and a 5 1/2 year marriage. by your reckoning i should never have had sex with the men i married because the marriages ended. i should never have had my 3 children. i should never have had a life. i should be a virgin at 52 jealously guarding my virginity until the 'right' man comes along...hobbling on his cane probably. staying safe from ever feeling used will keep your virginity intact for life. even two people with the very best intentions don't know for sure the course their relationship will take at the outset. sounds like you're looking for guarantees. good luck with that. personally, i think you could benefit from relaxing a bit.
I just find it too hilarious she's 32 and a virgin. I'd never want to die a virgin, or worse, become paralyzed in some accident, only to see others happily fucking and flirting while you're not....what an awful feeling
good job for realizing what a duesche he is....its funny because a few of my friends are just like that, but the girls are so stupid for always going back to them.....Its so obvious they are using them for sex and the girls become obsessed (psychotic) and think they are the one....from the outsider looking in I get a kick out of it, but good job for not being that crazy girl, hey its his loss
