Dominance vs. Submissiveness(sp?)

Hey, me and my girlfriend have a pretty good relationship. It's actually at times amazing, and at other times a total mindfuck. I suppose we both try and get the upperhand, i just want to be equal... and it's weird, i was at her house and felt like being nice so i cooked her dinner the night before i left for Germany and towards the end we danced and she sighed, "finally equal?" onto my shoulder...

I just don't understand, i'm not lonely but i like being nice but at other times my old self comes back and i feel like she should be working for it you know? At times i think that it's just not worth it...

I guess what i'm asking is if anybody here truly believes that two people can or even should be equal? Does one always have to be submissive or dominant? I think i might let this one go... as much as she's beautiful and a great listener and talker, i think i'm working too hard for something that won't give in the end... she has opened me up to different things though, and for that i thank her, but there are always times to move on right...?

 

I don't understand the nature of your inequalities, but I am a strong believer in only being responsible for my 50% and no more than that.

 

the nature of my inequalities?

hmm... i guess i just want to be equal, i don't want to fight for the upper hand, i don't want her to be submissive... it just makes me insecure when things have to be like that; we were both used to 'playing' people before and i thought i could be sincere for a change but it seems like it's only in our minds now and even more subtle, like who sits next to who first, who's ignoring just enough not to piss them off but make them come to you, you know? it's just fucking childish and i don't like it but complaining about it would make ME the lesser person.

i don't know if this makes any sense... but that's the way it is, maybe it IS just me...

 

It has seemed to me that the equality comes in from the give and take. Sometimes dominant, sometimes not. What you descibed sound exhausting if every little nuance of living takes on that much thought.

 

The individuals should be equal but diffrent. If its becoming a gamae to see who can get the most out of the other, then there are someproblems. I personally feel like in a true loving relationship, the partner should receive some joy from doing something nice to the other.

I woulod say that letting down the ego and trusting the other to be gentle with you is a true sign that the relationship is committed.

Generally, I've gone through phases where I thought my GF liked me more than I liked her and vice versa. In the end, i realized we lie eachother equally well and would do anything for the other.

Peace

 

when the relationship ceases to be about love and understanding, and gets turned into a game... yes, I'm very familiar with that... if you can't talk to her about it openly and honestly, I would think it doomed. That quote above sounds like it belongs in one of my poems... actually, it almost is! (2nd and 3rd stanza)

http://hipforums.com/forums/showpost.php?p=378717&postcount=102

 

My boyfriend and I have a very equal relationship, We both give to each other. I truely think two people can be equal.

 

There's no doubt in my mind there can be equality in a relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for less than a month. His ex fiance cheated on him and two weeks later he was with me. We were so drawn to eachother and there was nothing that could have kept us apart. Within the past 3 weeks, I have received so much. I'm not talking gifts, I'm talking about respect and trust and love. Yes, he's given me a few gifts since we've started dateing, and I've also given him a few. We are at total equality. And it is an absolute perfection. Yes, It is very possible to be equal.

 

i sure seem to have difficulty with it.

 

nope continue being nice to her. While I certainly never fight for the upper hand if the other person has too much of it i will cut ties. Who wants someone who never calls or who never does nice stuff for you?, I certainly don't. Don't play stupid games.

 

i'm no psychologist. But some relationships are good sub/dom. If both want it, as long as its not exploitive or something.
It's ok to do favors though, if you don't like it then just leave it at that. You CAN'T change ppl.