Hello, my father had been diagnosed with acute lukemia 8 months ago, and though a long fight, saturday morning, I was woken up by my mother, telling me my dad had fallen ( Father is 61 ) and was hurt, I rushed down to help get him into bed, while noticing, he mentally wasn't right. My brother came home, and tried waking him up, and he would not, and we called an ambulence, and they said the outcome was not going to be good. He had recieved a hemorage ( Bleeding within the brain? ) and it was a very bad one, and he had no (PLATELETS - Clots the blood, the lukemia killed those cells ) and he bleed very badly from his head, while in his deathbed in a coma, my family sat touched him, and prayed, and they came in telling us, if we decided to keep him on life support, he would be a vegetable, until the Acute Lukemia killed him, so we decided to take out the air tube, and let God take over. I'm not the biggest christian, however that day I put my head on his forehead, and prayed in tounges when he was gasping for air, and choking on spit, he quietly stopped, and seconds later went in peace, with some suffering unfortunately. However, I am not sad, but enlightened on life, and life's mysteries, on heaven and hell, and what happens when its our turn. I wrote this literally five minutes ago, and I'm debating if I want to read this at the viewing tomorrow at 11 a.m so immediate responses will help my decision, it will be a large outcome, he was a vietnam vet, and will be recieiving a twenty one gun salute, heres my writing Breathe in, inhale my exhale, now breathe again, do you feel it, the air rushing in the cold rush down your lungs, as you begin to wander through the maze scared, leaving your mind in a haze, how the hell did I end up in this place? Just seemed like two days ago I was in the know, 30 seconds after my inhale, i had to let go, no memories in my head, but at least I was there while they claimed him dead, What was in my head, not a thing, a clueless man, without a heart to sing, I had fallen so far, and got so behind and now I can't seem to rewind, why did this have to end this way, is there anyway to escape that pain? Now its just a walk down memory lane, will I ever have to see that type of thing again? Blood dripping, can you feel me now, can you hear the words that i'm about say right now? Feel my touch, and know it's alright, god was there that night I didn't know, put my hand to your head, and looked down, nothing can phaze me now, I watched the death of a man, and it saved me how? Let's just say, it hit me within, I'll never look at life the same again, and I know, that one day I will make him proud he's up in heavin now smilin down, not a frown on my face, the sufferin ended that day, my heart had exploded, and feet were stuck in place, I sat in a daze, looking over a cold body, how to escape this maze? I'm not anybody - I sit, and I think within, make a few promises, promise a new begin, and when my end comes, i will succeed, making everybody around me hearts bleed. Life is lost, but never forget that it was at a cost, my lifes turned around, My heads held high, wont let it down, anger isnt in my way, and I will say I will pray now each and every day, Is there anyone out there that feels this way, feels their soul can not be saved? Mine is, and forever will I give, my love in blessing into everything I do, I will make it through whatever God intended me too. Hope to here some responses, im not worried about gramar, just what the words are, however, if you have grammar tips, i'd love advice. Thank you! enjoy! and love life
I'm extremely sorry about your dad. I wish you the best of luck in getting over his death. About your writing, I think you should make the final decision about whether or not you read it. I do think that if you choose not to read it, it may be something you regret not doing. I think it's a really great, moving body of writing too, and maybe if you don't want to read it all, at least read the last paragraph. Anyways, good luck, and I'm really sorry about your loss. Just send me a private message if you need anything. -Seth
Sympathies, Very sorry for your loss rasta-moose. Grieving can be a difficult process.Hang in there. Sounds like you've got a perpective on it. I've lost alot of people too and I still miss them dearly. I do believe they would want me to do the best for myself,so I do my best honoring thier memory while I help myself and others.It sounds the expirience has really spiritually touched you.This is very important. Your writing is very good,very moving and expressive. At this piont you have either read it or not. I hope whatever you had decided to do,you have no regrets with it. It's really what the poem means to you that's important. Be well, Get in touch if you need to talk, Joe
Very powerful stuff. I can identify with it because I just turned 61, same age as your dad. And yet at the moment, I still feel like I'm that 17 year old. Hard to explain.
Blessings to you and your family rasta-moose. your Father will know that he has a son to be proud of..
That almost made me cry. I'm sorry about your dad, but I think y'all made the right choice. Peace and feel better.
Alright so now a week after his death, life is slowly getting worse from the shithole it already had become. Definitely noticing alot of worse, and worse shit have happen, and slowly i've been giving up on the thought of life. More friends have abandoned me, I wrecked my dads car in my own fucking driveway, I trashed the bullet casings from his twenty one gun salute, and I find myself sitting alone in anguish daily, as well as not finding a job yet. Life as I know it, has fucked up worse. Oh fucking well.. and I didn't read it
Aah man, that's really sad, but keep fighting man, life goes on, remember your dad as the man he was, but for the sake of life, move on and don't get stuck in negative emotions, better times await, just push yourself over it
rasta-moose...I don't know what life is or has been like there for you, but it's natural to be very angry and sad at a time like this.. and friends sometimes don't know what to say...people feel uncomfortable around death.. and if they really abandoned you, then they weren't true friends.. please don't give up on life.. pain, anger and sadness does fade, believe me, and life will be good for you, if you let it.. And there's nothing wrong in being angry at all, it show's you care, it show's you have a heart..it show's that you feel... I'll light a candle for you..
i lost my mother not long ago, and this is very er... familiar. I think i know your feelings. The poem is powerful.
Everything Peaceful-lady just said is true. I'm sorry to hear about your loss. The poem was very touching, it's okay you didn't read it, because somehow he knows it. No matter what form of afterlife you believe in somhow, your dad is looking over and protecting you. The immediate days following such life-altering, tragic events can be hard...be strong. Please do NOT give up on life. Fight harder, in memory of him. In terms of friends...it's true a lot of people don't know what to say or do around people who've recently experienced deaths in the family. If they have never had a family member or someone close to them die, chances are they are nervous. I hope this is the case, because in the end they will come around. Hope things are getting better. My love and positive energy to you and your family...but primarily to you. Good luck friend, be strong. better days ALWAYS lie ahead
