So I got to know this wonderful girl at school. We have been really close for a few months, but gotten to really know each other. She almost lives her, considering how often she stays here. We're almost like soul mates, we fit almost perfectly. When we got to know each other, I had a girlfriend and she had a boyfriend. Back then she flirted with me but I rejected it considering I had a girlfriend. I still did after we broke up, because I didn't want to hurt my ex-girlfriend's feelings. My friend still has a boyfriend, in a way. He is blackmailing her if she breaks up, and so she is still reluctantly with him for the moment. Otherwise they wouldn't be together. He is a pretty unstable, dangerous guy and a bum. He threathens to tell her parents that she has been doing some drugs, which would upset her family's trust etc. And she feels like she has no choice, no alternatives, and she actually contemplated about commiting suicide because she feels she has no freedom anymore. So she invited herself to my place and asked if she could stay over, like she did the day before. We drank a bit, I smoked a little weed too. And she asked if she could sleep in my bed. And I said it was no problem and I have even had pals who have stayed in my bed overnight. So we went to bed, but she was horny, I was horny, and I kind of tempted her. She was extremely horny but controlled herself. Now, we woke up in the middle of the night and we had sex. It was wonderful, but then she started regretting. She feels that even though he has been cheating on her, and they are still only technically together, she has still been cheating. And I feel pretty bad because I tempted her. Twice. She was pretty loud and we think a guy from our school heard it too, while he too was staying here for the night. So she is extremely worried that anyone at school would find out, she regrets the whole thing a lot, and feels a bit dissapointed in me. And is dissapointed about herself. She said she isn't even sure she wants to go back to my place, considering what has happened. She talked about wanting to quit school. And she has been a bit reluctant to answer my SMS messages on the phone. In addition, if she tells him, he will probably attack me and probably try to kill me. Literally. I consider her among my two best friends, and now I feel I might lose her. I do kind of have feelings for her, because she is such a wonderful girl, but she doesn't know. At least I haven't said so directly to her. I don't know what to do. I feel like a pig. And I feel like I kind of betrayed my own friend. She already has a lot on her mind, and now I created a burden. What do I do? What can I do to get things back to normal? We're like soul mates and I haven't met any person like her. She is a wonderful, wonderful person, and I love her. I don't know in what way, but I love her. I regret it. I just want things to go back to where it was. What do I say to her?
Well first, neither of you should feel guilty about "cheating". Her boyfriend treats her like crap, there's no reason she should feel bad! You have to find some way to get her away from him. My older sister was in a similar relationship. My family basically had to go and get her from the house they were living in. Threats were made. Fists pounded. Cops called. But we got her out of there. You might need to get the police involved if he threatens violence, but there's no reason she should stay with this guy. Both of you need to get over your embarrassment. This is a serious situation.
Okay, first if she is being blackmailed with drug use, here's a thought ... stop doing drugs! If she's clean ... what is it, like 30 days or something, look it up... then break up with him. If he comes back and tells her parents she can say "test me". This isn't rocket science. or Tape the freak blackmailing her, abusing her, whatever and go to court to get a restraining order put on him. or Carry a large bat around in your car, and if he comes for you, hit him with the bat ... repeatedly. or Tell you higher-ups at school, councilor, principle, etc. see if they can help. Then you have a trail of circumstancial evidence in case he does something physical. It will help out him in jail quicker if there is a history of violence. or Both of you get the fuck off of drugs. it's obviously screwed your mind up so much that you can't think of the obvious solutions. Dude, occasional use of pot won't screw up most people, but obviously you are smoking waaaaay too much. Put down the bong and step away from the table. Just say "only on saturdays." or sit around and angst and be emo about it. Listen to some Good Charlotte and be 'an hero', leave a note: "I did it for the Lulz." (just in case you are stoned when you read that one, it was a joke)
she needs to break up with the current bf. if you have any womens or spousal abuse shelters, id talk to them, becuase hes obviously emotionally abusive. i would also see if theres a way to get a restraininig order or anything against him, if you two genuinely suspect him of being that violent
She sent me a message now telling me she is overwhelmed by bad conscience, and said she hopes I will never talk to her again with the exception of school related matters, and said it would be good if I just left her alone in the future... I haven't sent anything back. Fuck. I consider her my best friend. What is the best I can do now?
if she's telling you to leave her alone, then it's her loss. you're obviously a good guy with good intentions, and if she can't see that, and is going to stay with this creep out of 'fear'.. well then she's just stupid. don't be hard on yourself. there are a ton of girls out there, i highly doubt this girl is your 'soul mate'
Okay, thank you. It's just that I've never connected with a person like her. She is more than just a girl to me. She is or was, a great, great friend.
Sweety my aunt is in the same situation and she probably won't change her mind. It is alot harder then you think.
I don't get why she and you feel so guilty. So she cheated on her asshole boyfriend, so what? If she wants to stay co-dependent on him it's her problem. However, she should know that there are domestic violence hotlines that she can call which also deal with emotional abuse. Sounds like she doesn't want your help though.
a restraining order is just a peice of paper that you can throw at the guy. They don't always work and if the guy is dangerous then it won't.
not really true... if he violates it, he can be arrested. anyway, stop worrying what people think and follow your heart. tell the girl you like her and that she should break up with that fool. if he's threatening stupid things like telling her family shit, he probably won't do any damage. her family should know better than to care what an abusive asshole has to say. it's really not the end of the world if her family hears about that kind of stuff anyway, but it could be the end of her world if she stays with him...
We had this slumber party thing at school because it was the last days of this year in school. Those who wanted to could get their beauty sleep at home, and she suggested she stay the night here, but then I had heavily encouraged a friend of mine to come to the slumber party thing and he had kind of signed up, and he has a friend that will not come unless he is there (they are an odd "couple") too, so I told her they would probably have to stay here too, in that case. I normally would have told my two friends that were also staying over that I had girl company, but one of them is a muslim and sort of a bit of a moralist and wouldn't understand, and the other is just fragile.
