is this denial beond reason?

ok so im 17 im still a virgin iv never had a serious girlfriend (or boyfriend)
and im pretty sure everyone knows im gay (even tho i only think i just figured it out)

recently iv become obsesed with the fact that im not gay whenever someone mentions somthing relating to it i never know how to act and deny everything.
but i never know how to act around girls either.

when i was 15 me and my best mate (guy iv been mates with for like 8 years and we were unseparable :S) i used to want to do stuff with him but i always felt like id regret it afterwards.

im a physicly weak person and i cant hold up a convorsation that well with guys, when they talk about cars or sports i just agree and pretend i know what there going on about)

i think alot of people have tried outing me about it aswell (since iv only had 4 girlfriends and not got anywhere with em and each relationship only lasted like 2weeks max)

i spend all my time resently at home because im sure everyone thinks im gay and i cant cope with it.

so what do you lot think does it sound like i should just give up and idmit it to myself or is it just a everyone does it growing up kinda thing
i kinda need help cause i dont know whst to do anymore

 

There's a BIG difference between the gay stereotype and having feelings towards the opposite sex. At your age, most guys have homosexual feelings, and they're just as freaked out by it as you are... they just hide it. I guess some don't have any feelings, but I think a lot of guys do and don't admit it.

These feelings get more intense in the early twenties, where it's not unusual to 'experiment' at college. Usually, that experimentation period dies down and you find someone who does it all for you, or you just keep experimenting, or you find what you like and you do it until you're sick of it and need a change.

Don't fall into the labels or cliches because that's just as much about self-denial as being 'in the closet' is. You're not at the point where you should be telling yourself you're definitely gay or straight... which are just made-up concepts anyway. Lots of straight guys are weak or don't like typical man things... there's nothing wrong with that.

Also, lots of manly guys have gay urges that they never act on, either because it's not manly to do so, or because they're ashamed, or because they find someone and that's enough for them so the urges go away.

One thing you can't do is let your paranoia ruin your life. Just go with the flow and realize that you're in control. If you let other people decide who you are for you, you'll never be able to really be you. It sounds cheesy, but it's true. You decide who you are-- don't let your fear force you into a decision about yourself and who you are.

 

i like that quote and 1 i feel like i should listen to
everyone always tells me to just be myself and shit
but it seems for years i dont know who myself is and gay/straight/bi or whatever iv been hiding my true self from everyone for a few years

 

Did you invent the terms 'gay bi or straight'? If not, then you're not being yourself... you're trying to fit into someone else's categories.