The women who cry on What Not to Wear...

What is this???

I understand shyness and being afraid of stupid things. I've had social anxiety since I was 11 and have been working to overcome it all my life, and if there is one thing I've learned, it's that you have to face your fears head-on. I understand that it can be rattling, but really... tear-worthy? Come on, girls. Buck up. They just bought you a bunch of stuff with the purpose of making you look like someone that could be taken seriously and all you can think of is "I want to go back to wearing a potato sack because I'm shy! I don't care if my colleagues and superiors think I'm serious about my job! I don't need a raise or a promotion anyway!"

All I can think is that some of them have abusive husbands at home that will slap them up if they see them dressing to impress. Because that's all they are really doing: making women look feminine and professional without being outright sexy and trashy.
The one that got me the most had to be the therapist that cried when they looked at the back of her dress. What business does she have helping people through their mental issues?? I bet she lost at least 50% of her patients that day. Her credibility is wrecked for me. It may sound mean, but I have to be honest: I'd never go to her.

I know this has all sounded rather harsh. Maybe it's just me, but I've always thought that "pretty girl shame" as I like to call it was a crock. We should not be afraid of being beautiful. We should not hide it. We should celebrate it!

 

i empathize with those poor women. seriously, every sartorial failing and the knowledge that all the people who care about you think you're train wreck and look hideous. then you gotta put up with those bitches being all harsh and shit. it's an emotional roller coaster. i hate that show.

 

But the thing is, they aren't saying YOU look hideous, just your CLOTHES. Not the same thing. They are actually saying, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! STOP DRESSING LIKE A 10 YEAR OLD/80 YEAR OLD/HOMELESS PERSON.

This wouldn't be a problem if some of these women worked at McDonald's, but when they choose a competitive, high-stakes job, they choose the uniform that goes with it, and they have a lot of wiggle room in the way of appropriate clothing.

I know it sounds shallow and all that, and I agree that it is, but like I said, when you choose the job, you choose the image, and if you are going to be taken seriously and keep your job/and/or climb the ladder, you can't just rebel because you think "well I shouldn't have to!" It's childish.

 

nah. it's hurtful. i've been there.

 

Then why don't they cry when their precious clothes are being tossed out (I've only see maybe 2 people do that)? Why is it always when they see themselves looking gorgeous that they have a breakdown and bail? That should be encouraging if anything. They have been taught something. Isn't it better to take it as a positive experience rather than something purely negative? Is it really breakdown-worthy? I don't think so.

Now the people on 10 Years Younger- that's cruelty. No one is going up to the people on What Not To Wear and saying, "Not only do you dress like a granny, but your face! Ugh!"

 

it's a complete identity shift. they don't see themselves anymore. and MAYBE, sometimes, they see their new outfits and feel even uglier and more exposed than ever. yeah, their old clothes were not flattering, but it was comfortable. i swear to god, all they can ever do for a fat girl is put her in a blazer. have you ever been the fat girl in a blazer? not only are you fat, but you're miserably uncomfortable now, too. personal identity means something to some people, even if no one around them likes it or approves of it. they still look in a mirror and see their unattractive selves dressed up in someone else's clothes. maybe they expected more of a transformation, but no. after all the excitement, they're still stuck with their old selves, but now they're going to be uncomfortable, too.

 

So......... I guess if they're going to have this show, they should have a therapist on hand to deal with the trauma? Jesus, my clothes do not define me. I wear what I like when I'm on my own time and wear what's appropriate when the situation calls for it. I throw stuff away when it doesn't do anything for me anymore. I don't think I own a single thing that I would cry over if it was taken from me (although maybe I would have when I was in high school), and I certainly wouldn't cry if someone decided to give me $2000, a free haircut and make-up tips. Hair grows back. Clothes can be replaced. Make-up is hardly permanent. They don't look ridiculous after they are done with them, and they always have the personal choice NOT to continue with that look when they go home.
It seems there are deeper issues of control and anxiety in some of these cases and that some of these women need to do some serious evaluation of themselves when they get home. This is not meant to be as cold and callous as it sounds. I truly wonder how these issues affect the rest of their lives and relationships if they can't even let go of such material things.

PS: Blazers are not uncomfortable. I wear them to interviews and sometimes out shopping. Now if you mean psychologically uncomfortable, I just don't understand that, unless it denotes an "adult" appearance that these people aren't comfortable with. There are many different kinds of blazers and not all of them are stuffy-looking.

 

you're lucky not to have severe body image issues and low self esteem. i'm not quite sure why you're angry about these women who do. PERHAPS, and this is just a possible suggestion, you shouldn't watch it anymore. you seem resentful about these ungrateful, emotionally unstable weaklings getting nice clothes.

 

Wow, calm down. I'm not angry. I'm not resentful. I'm just discussing it. This is a discussion board. I just find it really sad is all. I'm not calling them stupid... it's just... shouldn't we strive to become better than we are? Rather than slinking around in the shadows like the Phantom of the Opera, anyway...

 

i was asking you to calm down, actually. you do sound terribly resentful and incredibly annoyed with those women. so let's discuss.

 

Okeydokey. Didn't mean to get fired up. Sorry 'bout that. But I have to leave for a few days, so yeah. I'm going to have to take off.You or others should feel free to leave thoughts or continue without me, though till I get back. It's been real.

 

really real.

 

The thing that bugs me personally about these programmes is that the way people dresses often show who they are, they have an individual style. To have someone comes along and go 'Oh no, you can't wear that, you have to conform to what WE think is beautiful' really gets on my nerves.

 

not only that, but these people have to wonder what their friends have been thinking about them all that time. jeez.

 

I have watched the show in the UK a few times, but it does make me wonder.....I find it hard to believe that people's lives can be transformed by a wardrobe makeover. Hmm my eldest son is just reading this over my shoulder and says in his opinion it does work as it changes how people react to you and therefore can help you break out of a pattern of low self-esteem....maybe he should be posting on this not me
But getting back to the people who cry on the show, I think it must be an incredible roller-coaster, first of all you find out that people who you thought of as friends have been judging your appearance and letting a camera team spy on you...unless you are a very confident person with bags of self-esteem it's going to knock you. Then you have two very confident women ( Trinny & Suzannah over here), basically bully you then build you up when you conform to how they want you to dress....I'm not surprised that people cry!
What I would like to know is that are there any women ( or men ) who when the camera crew turns up and says " Surprise!" and offers them the £2,000 for a wardrobe makeover say " No thanks", or " Please give the money to charity".....then I'd like to know more about those people!

 

never seen that show...(for this I am pretty grateful)

If they cry what's the big deal...Maybe they are upset or yet embarrassed...Shouldn't really affect you so much, some people deal with things differently.. Not everyone is the same, if their crying seems to bother you, you could always not watch it...Just a suggestion... Just because you feel differently about something doesn't really mean others are in the wrong for acting differently then you...

Show sounds weird anyways...

 

Back from work, and ready to respond. Here goes:

I had expected a response like this, even though I feel I already addressed it, but I will clarify: When you choose a job where you a) will be seen and/or represent a business, or b) are looking to be taken seriously and/or climb the corporate ladder, you have to look at least put together. If you come to work every day in slobby/hoochie/inappropriate clothing, you cannot expect anything good to come of it. Bottom line, you choose the job, you choose the uniform. Don't want to dress a certain way? Don't take the job. It's that simple. Otherwise, expect to get fired, or at the very least, moved to a place where they will keep you in the shadows.
Once again, this is how society is, and if you don't like it, don't take the job. It's really your choice, and I agree that it is not fair that people will judge you based on that, and that you have to make a choice in the first place, but it seems counterproductive to me to stay home and pout about it rather than play ball Monday-Friday and then do what you want on the weekends. At the very least do something. Start your own business and wear tapered pants if your right to wear them is more important to you.

"Cuz it's a 5 o'clock world when the whistle blows and no one owns a piece of my time, and there's a 5 o'clock me inside my clothes thinking that the world looks fine, yeah..."

PS: If you are really a certain way, and not trying to pose as being a certain way, your personality should speak for you rather than your clothes. This is what I mean when I say your clothes should not define you. They should reflect that you are able-bodied enough to dress yourself without being a costume that advertises " who you are" (as if that can really be defined) or that you prescribe to a certain philosophy. Not that I never dress like a hippie (see sig pic), but I recognize that there is a time and a place, and I would never wear that outfit to work. (This picture was taken at the Renaissance Fair)

Their friends are thinking, "You are so beautiful, and we want the world to know that. We want you to be taken seriously and progress in your life, both in a working sense and in a personal sense, and we want you to know that we are concerned about you." That's the vibe I have always gotten from the interviews with family, friends, and co-workers before and after their reveal at the end of the show. Doesn't seem all that cruel to me.

I don't think it's solely based on the consultants' opinion, but just that they don't want you walking into work looking like a crazy person. Also, the way it always seems to me is that, like your son says, it does make them feel better about themselves in the end when they realize how amazing they can look if they just find things that flatter their body while maintaining some poise and class.
Some people go on that show begging for directions on how to dress their bodies, whereas others go kicking and screaming, but I have never seen anyone say that they regret being there or that they feel traumatized by the event. If they are lying, they must be great actors. Anything's possible, I suppose.
I too would be interested in seeing just one person decline the money and the "soul-breaking fashion boot camp" this thing is always made out to be. These people that have attitudes and cry about being there weren't really forced to be there at all. They could have very easily said no if they really feel that appearance shouldn't matter, or if they are too mortified about their bodies to be on TV. Obviously, these never see the light of day, so who would know if someone said no?

Let me reiterate here.
I am not angry with the women who cry.
I cry myself.
We are all human.
I understand that everyone reacts differently.
HOWEVER,
this seems like a particularly STRONG emotional response, and it disturbs me and saddens me that there are women out there who cannot appreciate themselves as being beautiful, especially when their potential is being laid out right there in front of them. It makes me think, "is society's projection of the perfect woman really that strong?", and then I get pissed, not at the women who are crying on the show, but at whoever or whatever damaged them so far that they would rather crawl into a hole and die than be seen as a beautiful woman or at the very least taken seriously. Or that they are disappointed that the consultants couldn't make them look like Barbie and that's the only way they or anyone else could respect them.

 

Thank you for that paragraph, it helps me to understand better where you are coming from, I got the impression initially that you were angry with these women and I couldn't work out why....ahhh the mysteries of communicating on the internet

I'm still not surprised about the emotional response of these women, I would probably cry if you made me shop for clothes all day, put me in front of the cameras and dissect my body shape at the same time and I'd be a marshmallow ( there's probably a way of dressing that suits the marshmallow shape as well...........)

I look at your sig photo, you are young and very attractive, and you have style.....try and imagine being a lot less attractive, and add years of low self esteem and lost or lacking skills at dressing yourself in a way that society deems fashionable, then when you are at your most vulnerable be filmed for a tv series.

And yes, I agree, it does make me angry that the women on these shows feel so badly about themselves, and that's why I don't watch the series any more (I love fabric and colour and clothes so that's why I started out watching .) I hope that the tv series does give people that boost to re-discover their confidence, but I am concerned that it is a papering over the cracks exercise, that real self esteem has to come from within, being pampered on the show and getting a physical make-over helps, but how are these women doing a year down the line?

And yes I agree I have thought far too much about this show LOL

 

Oh, don't feel bad. I think it's fairly obvious that I've thought about it waaaay too much myself, lol.

As far as the aftermath, what I hope they really take away from this show when they leave is not just what the show pushes, which is appropriate dressing rules for certain situations, but that the women think about their reactions. I hope that they go home, saying, "why did I react so strongly? What made me feel that way? Should I possibly explore this further?" I never said at any point in time that their reaction was "wrong" or that they weren't allowed to feel that way, but the fact that they did should be a red flag to themselves and their family that there are issues that need to be dealt with and that they are in fact, interfering with their daily lives.

My own mother has insane image issues about being overweight (she's in the overweight classification, but is very muscular and only looks a bit chubby, truth be told) and having grey hair (sign of wisdom and distinction... I've never understood the aversion-- I've already started getting a few strands myself and I'm 21 this month). She drives my stepfather and me nuts with it. Just goes into wild fits about how unattractive she is, and I'm thinking "compared to what?!" Certainly not her co-workers, but maybe compared to Angelina Jolie, and even then, it really is in the eye of the beholder, because I have heard people say they think Angelina is a dog (not nice, I know, but I've heard it). It's just really sad how prevalent the attitude is, and I guess in this sense, it hits close to home for me.

That said, I do think sufferers of "pretty girl shame" and associated anxieties should fight it by any means necessary, try to overcome it, not just lay down and die and accept it. If there is anything that bothers me about the women who exhibit it, it's that, though I know it can't entirely be their fault. I get that it's hard, and I sympathize, really, and I know there's probably some women here with these problems reading this and screaming, "What the hell do you know?! How can you tell me what I should do?!"
I guess I don't really have any business telling anyone anything and you're free to feel that way about me. I just think it's sad that anyone would want to live with that "I'm hideous. I don't have the ability/right to try and look good." in the back of their head constantly.

 

Ive seen it once or twice. The women hosting the show are total bitches
What i dont understand is how them telling you youre incredibly unfashionable and what you need is something silver as thats whats in this season is going to help their deep-seated issues
Most of those women just need comfort and support. I hate how its made to look like a new wardrobe forced on you can trasnform them into different people. Its really underplays it, and the whole things just so shallow
Surely itd just make them worry even more
Then they come back to check up on them to see if theyre doing it "right"!