"I Can't Come In To Work Today Because..."

I have to change my guitar strings.

 

I have 60 lbs of c-4 strapped to my body, and if I get off the toilet, it will explode.

 

I have things to see and people to do

 

The mistress wont unlock me.

 

I just ate green eggs and ham.

 

The people of Lilliput have staked me to the ground.

 

My doctor just told me he's never seen anything like it.

 

I am waiting for the cows to come home.

 

I'm trying to stop these damned cows getting away

 

I cant get off the treadmill

 

The key broke in the door

 

I got sealed into a wall with a cask of Amontillado.

 

I have amnesia

 

I got kidnapped by strange little people with brightly colored clothes and trippy music.

 

Born25YearsTooLate brought them over to my place.

 

I'm frying on Acid

 

I'm cooking bbq for all the strange little people

 

because Im busy looking for a lost eyelash

 

I weigh 1,345 pounds and today is the day I wash myself with a rag on a stick
..

 

Im six years old!!