Hello there, I'm Kendra, a French woman trapped in a man body. I'm currently lost and need advices. Here's my story, it can help you understand me. I discovered myself very young [I’d say 6-7 years old], feeling more girl than boy. Around 9 years old, I began to crossdress, hidden, using my mother’s aparels. I also went out, sometimes. I yearned to feel like a girl outside the house, I used to go in the woods where I dressed up into a girl and walked around, feeling so great. I did this all of my teenage, till my mother’s clothes were no longer fitting me. From times to times I wore nylons, byt nothing else could fit me anymore! When I started to use Internet, taking benefits of the anonymous power, I became the real me, building a big social network of friends and life around my virtual self. Though I hate lies, in my thoughts, it was not…I wanted to be HER, and not a young man. But I was prisoner of this body, I couldn’t do anything else than dreaming being a woman, and enjoy my virtual life to live the life I wanted. During the last 16 years, I practiced tabletop roleplaying games a lot…99% of my characters were always female, other players were making fun of me but I never cared. Being able to roleplay women, seeing them evolving in a virtual life was great happiness to me. I remained doing this for years, enjoying my virtual persona. As for one year I moved to Paris for my studies, I yearned to crossdress again, isolated in my little flat. But my parents were visiting me from times to times, and I had no real place in my flat to hide the clothing I would have bought. So I gave up the idea. The urge to become a woman was strong at this time, since my childhood I dreamed that one day I would wake-up as a woman; even if it seems stupid I had hope. I moved back to my parents’ to work and save money for planed studies in Japan. I started to explore websites talking about gender disorder, transgendered persons, etc… Hope had reborn in me. Before, I barely knew about all this, to me it was simply science-fiction thinking about getting a real body that would be the very mine, like we can see in those cyberpunk movies. I explored dozens of websites, spending hours to enjoy reading testimonies of transgendered people, learning that the feeling I had since my childhood was not alien. Hundreds of other people were feeling the same way. But I took a cold shower seeing the cost…I was ready to suffer endless pain to be me, whatever the cost…But money is something that one can barely control. Then I moved to Japan, for a time I kept hope that it would be possible one day. Then I gave up, I gave up the idea to recover my real body. Aging and money were two big issues. To comfort me, I tried to convince myself that in the next life I would be born female. The price to pay would have been a whole life of suffering in a male body, so I kept on living my virtual life…I withstood this for 4 months… Then in May I started to feel depressive, again and again. It came like a hidden evil that grew for months suddenly coming out. I was no longer willing to be a prisoner of this body. I still feel depressive because of this, but recently I decided to read again about Transgender and all the way to be the real me. I wanted and still want to believe it CAN be possible. Living now alone and 10.000km distant from my parents, I took back my teenage habits, but this time buying clothing and shoes of my taste, to feel a little more the woman I am deep in me. I took a step forward, talking with my mother via webcam about what makes me suffer. Unfortunately she was not aware of the subject at all, and thought I was gay… I asked her t read what she could on the Internet. I had good websites to show her, but in English, and my mother sadly does not understand English. And I was not able to find good info in a language she could understand. She was starting to get confused and was not able to understand what makes me suffer…Then the grimace and reaction she had when she read about surgery made me understand that she would get a hard time to accept it if I’d go to this point. At the end, I advised her to speak with one of her friends, who is medic and married to a psychiatrist. She would maybe be able to learn more from them. This is my story, and where I currently stand. I feel lost; I don’t know what I should do now. I am also afraid that my body is now too old, I’m 25. Broad shoulders, muscled, hairy, big hands, US 11 size shoe. I want to be a woman, as much of physical appearance as I am deeply. I don’t want to be a man looking like a woman. This is the big fear I got, besides the amazing cost of the process, and how my life would turn if I choose to do it. Should I keep on dreaming, suffering, and hoping for the next life? Or hanging-on and go to the end? I need advices, anything that could help me. Thank you for your time.
in the US there is a fairly standard protocol before sexual reassignment surgery. I've seen women who were you years ago, and they do pull it off, meaning aside from towering stature or hands, I'd be hard pressed to be SURE they are T. Usually it's the over fem actions that set bells off in my head, not appearances.
Hi Kendra, welcome to the boards. I am a beautiful, feminine translady, I easily pass as a woman, and a beautiful feminine one. I live and dress full-time as a woman, and in a relationship with a handsome masculine man as essentially his wife. I'm on estrogen and anti-androgens, have had facial feminization surgery, breast implants, etc.. ________________________ Before you transition from male to female, you need to dress, live, and act as a lovely woman for a year or two. If you are good at being a convincing woman, and feel comfortable with it, then you might consider transitioning from male to female. ____________________________________ It is also good to know other transwomen, learn from them, and befriend them. It is also nice if you also know heterosexual genetic men and women who are willing to accept you changing your gender. Those things help. ______________________________________________ Also, you need to save some money for your transition if you want to do it right, and you should do it right, not just to pass as a woman, but to be a beautiful feminine lady, as beautiful as most genetic women. It can cost tens of thousands of dollars or euros to transition, with the cost of estrogen to give you a lady's body and soft feminine skin, facial feminization surgery to give you a beautiful feminine woman's face, possibly breast implants to enhance your estrogen-grown women's breasts, and then eventually you might also want sexual ressignment surgery to get rid of your male genetalia and be given a beautiful vagina. Would you be willing to do all of those things, to be made into a beautiful feminine lady?
