Desperate needy people...long rant but I would like some replys

Maybe Im just not sympathetic enough, but I cannot stand people who are openly desperate and needy and co-dependent! A cousin of mine who I have not hung out with since I have been about 12 (and never truley liked him much anyway, but being related and the same age we saw each other alot) is moving close to my family and I. His family is really dysfunctional and he does not have any contact with anyone....he lives with my grandmother and now they are moving near us. They are coming to live here for no other reason than the fact that we live here and they want to be close to us. This kinda makes me mad. Anyway, so cousin calls me up on the phone the other week and is saying things like "I miss you so much", "Lets be roomates", "I cant wait to be close to you again", "we can hang out all the time" and is also saying things like "I have no one.......I miss your family and I want to be close to them again" (He never really was to begin with) "I need friends.....I cant wait to be with your family" things like that. It is weirding me out quite frankly.....he is 24 years old. It's not like he is a kid that needs to be nurtchured(sp?) but he acts like it. I have not even spoken or seen him more than twice since 1997.....and that is how I like it. I may be related to him but I really dont want anything to do with him. I dont feel that's mean....I just dont care. I dont want to be friends with him or hang out with him...I dont even want to talk to him! I am choosey about who I let into my life anyway. There has always been something about him that makes me uncomfortable and besides that....I DONT LIKE OPENLY NEEDY DESPERATE PEOPLE.....it freaks me out even more. I dont know what to do here...I feel like I am being trapped. Hes moving here and I am gonna have to see him whether I like it or not. What makes me really mad is the fact that he is trying to be a part of my family since he doesnt have one of his own. GO AWAY! I dont want my family to even deal with him....that might be hard to understand, but I feel like he is trying so hard to be a part of our family to compensate for what he doesnt have and like that is just so juvenille....he is 24! He should be confident in being independent, making his own friends and his own family in due time...and if you are lonely and sad right now then just deal with it and dont try to leech off of us! That is how I feel. I have had ruff spots in my life too...mabye not as bad as him, I have a good family, but I deal with it like the adult that I am, I dont need anyone...I am very secure with myself. Anyway, I needed to rant and rave because this is really bothering me for some reason. I dont even want to see him. Like I said, he has always made me a little uncomfortable for some reason and this neediness is making me VERY uncomfortable. I dont want to be outright mean either, but jeez, I dont know how to handle this. He also has written me 3 letters in the last 3 weeks talking about how his family is not there for him and how he has no one...and how much he misses me and my family....bleh. I dunno, what to do, but THANK YOU if you actually took the time to read this.

 

no problem...and i can understand your dislike for the situation...but of course you can always move away too! or tell him you're radio active...

personally though i can handle needy, it makes me feel wanted and comfortable...too needy is not a good thing, but a lil dependance is nice

 

I wish I could move away! But that is not an option.....hard to explain but he is making me feel icky.....like I need to shower or something.....

 

do u suspect your cousin has a crush on you?

 

ahh you feel smothered. be honest with him. tell him you like your space.

 

No I dont think my cousin has a crush on me....ewww. But when we were little he would tell me how pretty I was all the time and how he thought I was "cool" and he always wanted to hang out with me.....it was a little weird. Like I said, he has always made me feel uncomfortable. He is not someone I would give the time of day if I just met him somewhere......
I dont know how to tell him "you are smothering me"....I would feel weird telling that. I dunno why....I dont want anything at all to do with him and how do you tell someone that?I am hoping that he will just catch the hint, but he is sooooo needy that he is just not getting it....he keeps on keepin' on!
*drowning in ickyness* ........help

 

one more post and your post count will be at my birth year.

edit- oh its there now....wooo 1984

 

Don't think I'm being mean or anything, but is this person literally mentally retarded? I have never known or heard of any guy in his 20s say such things.

On the flip side, I think it is sort of rude to turn fam down like that when they are crying out for attention.

I have a question for you, though. Why is it easier to spill your personal life to complete strangers than to actually tell the person you are bitching about?

 

happy birthyear post

 

because she doesnt fear hurting someones feelings anonymously.

 

a few posts ago that is

 

happy belated birth year post you mean....that was your 1985th post
BUT!!!
im going to bed now...
good night all!!

 

Well, mentally retarted I think might be a bit of a stretch....but I dont he is all right upstairs either. He has problems, lets put it that way.
Well he might be family and all, but we are not close....and I dont feel that he is my responsibility. He is 24 yrs old! I just dont think that because he is my cousin that that makes me obligated to deal with him at all......that's just how I feel about that.
Well, it is alot easier to rant and rave here about this basically because although I feel this way, I dont want to outright hurt anyone....telling him this would hurt him alot. He feels abandoned by everyone in his family, dad, mom, sister....no one has ever been nice or wanted him around...so I would feel so mean telling him these things. I am just hoping to play it cool and ignore things as much as possible I guess and hope it goes away.

 

Edit *deleted post* nevermind.........

 

I have a sister who is 45 years old and she has never grown up. I no longer communicate with her. She is in a co-dependent relationship with her husband, meaning they both support each other's false beliefs. They have acted very paranoid and very uncool so our whole family is pissed off at her. Even though I have cut off our communication, if she were to leave that asshole and come and ask for our forgiveness our family would try to heal things with her. Try and be the grownup and forgive your cousin for being an immature needy person. He will either grow up and get a life or he won't but give him half a chance. Then if he doesn't act like he's going to get his act together tell him not to come around until he's seen a psychiatrist and done something to help himself. He can't expect other people to hand him happiness, that is something he has to do for himself. I only stopped talking to my sister when I got the third or fourth shitty letter from her that went on and on and on about bullshit that is only in her head. Some people can't be helped.

 

I understand. But even if he was helped.....I still dont want anything to do with him. I pick and choose the people I want in my life and he is not someone I would choose. It is not that I am not forgiving.....I just dont want to bother with it either way.
Sorry though to hear about your sis.........