I need to let this out and talk about this and I really dont feel like I can talk to anyone at the moment. I am so sick an tired of living in this house with my parents I just cant stand it. I've spent many days trying to keep my shit together that living here is just not working out for me. I love my parents and appreciate everything they have done for me thus far, but its just gotten out of hand. I can't leave for the fact that i have no where to go and ... I need and want an education. That wont happen if I drop the ball with the family. My parents fight constantly... and I'm not over exaggerating any of that. It is constantly. I fucking hate being here and I feel like I havent really had a proper childhood. My parents split when I was 6 and when they did me my mother and siblings lived in shit holes, relayed on food banks to feed us yath yath yath. And in that I had to play the role of a parent while my mom was busting her ass working to put food on the table. I cleaned the house, I cooked the dinner, I watched them, I put them to bed, I made their lunch, I stopped their fights what ever. I dont detest this part of my life, I've learned from it. But at times I wish it never happened so I could just have had what everyone else had. My father.. well he used to abuse my mom emotionally and physically thats why we left. So life went on and for some reason that still is not clear to me, I'm guessing my mom hated the life we had and wanted something more so she got back with my dad. Huge mistake. I told her it was a bad idea, but like most times.. it really doesn't matter what I say or do. Anyways that brings us to now. My dad has changed in a lot of ways, but he still is not a "man" so to speak. He hasnt physically abused my mom, but god knows if he did he wouldnt see the light of day. He is still emotionally damaging to this family. He constantly teases, constantly complains, constantly puts my mother down, and constantly is a racist and homophobe. I dont know, not the kind of man I want to raise my children. Anyways huge fight yesterday because he was in one of these moods. We were in the car and it was a long drive to get where we were going. He starts off trying to piss my mother off purposely, she snaps. To make a long story short we go home. Im fucking pissed he leaves for like 3 hours... where? Girlfriends maybe? I dont fucking know I dont trust him. I'm pissed because that was my last fucking nerve, I cant believe that my mom chose to live this fucking life again. and Im pissed. They're getting counsellings now and at the end of ever fight...well Im gunna tell them what you did. Fuck what is this grade school..I'm telling. What kind of fucked up existence is this? Now my mother wants me to go to their counselling sessions so I can basically testify to her side of the story. Thanks mom for putting this on me yet again!!! So I'll go ... and I'm gunna fucking blow their shit outta the water. I've thought about the way my mom lives and about her personality and I've come to realize because of her low self esteem she believes that she doesnt deserve a better relationship... and she traps her self in this bullshit. It hasnt just been my dad either... her boyfriends before she met him where bat shit crazy as well. She needs to end this shit... and work on her self. Cause this is just destorying any promise my siblings have. I'm fucking head strong... I know where I'm going... I'm just not so sure about them. And today I'm sorry this is long.. but she bust in my room and tells me all of these things about my father and about counselling yad yad yadh. And I didnt say one word I just fucking listened...she fucking storms out of my room like a bat outta hell screaming and crying and mad at me...for god knows what. Can't take this shit any more. God... what the hell do you do when your hands are tied?
Brother, You're an adult, whether you or they know it or not , if you're not happy where you are, make a firm choice to either stay and make your situation better or LEAVE. Education as it stands today is quite over-rated (I'd bet you $20 you could pass the GED tomorrow, it's a fucking joke). Are you learning any real and useful skills that will help you get along in the world? Have you learned to grow your food, or fix your car or build yourself a house? Of course you haven't, because the school system is designed to keep you from gaining real skills. If this is true for you, go learn for yourself before it gets harder, find your true community so you have a place to invite your parents to when their scenes fall apart, which it sounds like they're bound to do. I consider the true age of adult-hood to be more like 13, and the artificial extension of childhood to be a major cause of the lack of responsibility that most members of our generation display. Decide how you want to live, and go live that way. You can do whatever the fuck you want. If you end up in California, come our way. Love and Light, Joshua
If you do decide to blow-at least do it on a friendly note,they are your family and you will regret things horribly if you go about it the wrong way[i know]-just a note of caution and good luck whatever happens.
Hey i'm very sorry to hear about your family situation. You seem to be a very bright young individual and you have all your thoughts gathered . What i would do , is see if any of your friends or relatives would be able to take you in; and on a side get a part time job till your finished school . Would you consider taking care of your siblings?? I think in some circumstances and certain states at a certain age the gov't allows allowance for children under a certain age bracket and the individual taking care of them recieves so much monthly plus your monthly h + h . Bare that in mind, but also keep in mind that your not a child anymore and that it won't hurt to just stand up for yourself and tell your folks how it is. i know i did, it hurt and you know, now i'm married and it still hurts my parents Oh well!! Hahaha. GED or not , you have the right to be who you wnt to be without being in that state of mind. Don't be frid to call the confedientials numbers by any means if need be stay t the clostest friends house. Stay safe
