Because I will never be able to tell you...

'Preciate.

 

No such luck...

"Ah, the cyclical nature of history. I keep making all these posts about how I'm taking control of my life and my emotions, but as I sit here buzzed on my 4th beer of the evening, I realize I haven't changed a thing. My heart still jumps around from target to target like an erratic jumping bean, I still drink myself under the table to forget the fact that I'm so terribly alone, and I still don't know who I am, where I'm going, or even what I believe in anymore. I still sit alone in my room draining bottles and wondering just what the hell happened to my life. Every night I dream of things I've lost, friends, my father, my faith, my direction. I don't know where to go from here. It's just me against the world in the end, and I'll be damned if I don't end up killing myself in the end. I haven't fallen that far yet, though. But I just don't know some days. I know in the end I'm going to end up alone, cold, sitting in a dark room in a one bedroom apartment above a shady London bar (for those who don't already know, my ultimate goal is to expatriate to England and live in London)draining a bottle of scotch as I stare out at the night sky. And I'll die there, in that dark room. Hm, well, I believe I've said enough of my borderline-emo rant. I'm going to bed to sleep this off, hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter day..."

He ended up puking his guts out that night and getting reported because the people next door thought he had alcohol poisoning. Next day, he played the whole think off as an "emo-moment," maintaining that he has no problem with alcohol and if he wants to come home from a hard day and have 1 beer, that shouldn't constitute him as an alcoholic. He got written up for underage drinking and had the audacity to bitch about the unfairness of it all to us.

I'm going to go rip out my hair now.

Oh, and he's pissed at me right now for drawing a gag picture of him with his favorite video game character (who is male) and writing a suggestive caption under it. I should have known he would never be able to take the joke. He bitched about it to my boyfriend yesterday and then acted like it was cool to my face.

Seriously... over a sloppily-drawn cartoon... come on now.

 

don't give up. if your mum hasn't, you shouldn't - you're a natural evolution of her. I know I'm in no position to judge so I offer what advice I can. you can make something better of yourself, if you tell yourself you can... your mind is stronger than your body, lead with your head and your heart, don't compromise. good luck