Unclouding my Mind

@ Sara. Yeah, I do sound a lot like your friend. My mind is constantly thinking of a million things and even if I get a massage or something, it never turns off. The last time I remember actually relaxing was almost 8 years ago... that's pretty bad haha. But at least I'm trying!

@Nate and Deadhead. Definitely the forums stir up emotions and desires if i'm trying to quit smoking. So I'll probably be around less. I think I'll do just fine though, something really shifted within me today.

@Bthizle. Silence is beautiful, and I totally get that. My problem is when things are quiet, they are never silent because I get engulfed in inner dialogue, haha. But yeah, I do play some instruments, guitar, piano , drums and sing, and I def feel what your saying aboutmusic. I love performing because I can truly step out of my body for a while and just experience the present.


Thank you all again. I start my overhaul tomorrow morning, waking up at 5 for morning meditation then my usual jog/ walking meditation. I hope I can stick with everything and practice what I preach!

 

Best of luck, Bailey! A person of your quality can thrive through these transitional times. Whoa too many t's.

Cutting the mindless television does wonders for your world. except you are out of the loop when people mention stupid commercials, oh damn.

You might want to read the Four Agreements by Ruiz. This book really helped me and some of my close friends shape our minds and hearts.

 

do you have a specific type of anxiety disorder, or just anxiety about things in general?

what sets you off?

 

Thanks Chuck! You're the best, love. I'll definitely check that book out.

Neo: Diagnostically, I have panic disorder with agoraphobia and general anxiety disorder with obsessive-compulsive behaviors. I've also had major depression that creeps in and out of my thoughts from time to time, haha. But oddly enough, it's never limited me in anyway, like I hate flying but I've flown to Europe just fine and I don't know, it's far more of an inner battle.

But "trigger" wise, I've had anxiety long enough to realize that I am the only trigger, you know? Like I could say "Oh, hospitals make me anxious" or cars or anything, but in all reality, I am just causing these emotions within myself. There are certain things that really set me off though, like being confined in any way, but I think the majority of people would agree that that can be anxiety provoking.

How bout yourself?

 

I understand completely. The internal noise that I feel is so overwhelming at times. I feel almost insane. The anxiety is out of control too at times.

I kinda feel like that is my higher self calling me to start going within. Good luck. I am not always that good at it either. I get really frustrated with myself and my decisions that I wish I could jsut take a stupid pill to shut it all up. And I am sure that I can....but then would I hear "myself" as much? No what I mean?

 

Getting away from everything/one and going out in nature, walking in the woods, growing some plants, just getting nose to nose with reality, really helps me. I've been fighting with depersonalization since I was 15-16. That is always what I do when it seems like its getting to much.

 

I asked myself a lot of the questions you seem to be asking yourself while I was on LSA. And without my ego the answers were clear. I think you need to worry less and try to enjoy life. All of that anxiety and bullshit that you have created for yourself is unnecessary, it's all in your head. You need to stop thinking so much and go with the flow. Relax and kick back, there's only one purpose in life, to recreate and enjoy yourself. Because your life will be over before you know it, no need to expedite the process, be here now and remember everything is irrelevant so that you can choose what's relevant to you. you only have 20-100 years to experince all that the world has to offer.

The world is yours brother, do with it what you please. Be here now, and love life to it's fullest.

 

I personally recommend you take 1000 morning glory seeds and go for a hike alone in the woods. Use ancient power's extraction TEK in the exotic plants forum. I was beginning to feel a lot like you just recently, when my ego was removed I realized it was all in my head. I think the power that the MGS hold could help you tremendously with who you are and how you feel about being in the world.

 

examples of my anxiety and neuroticism (for now) :

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showpost.php?p=4544811&postcount=647

http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showpost.php?p=4544851&postcount=655

maybe tomorrow i'll be less lazy

that is, if i get around to writing it out before i leave to go back to the home county

 

they diagnosed me with agoraphobia. What makes mine so undealable though, is that it often makes me physically sick. My stomach will cramp up and I'll get very nauseated, and feel sooooo bad. Does that happen to you?

 

Its incredible how much better you feel when you start eating right and exercising.

I think you have made an intelligent decision(s)

Good luck and peace.

 

Ok Stella so Aura and I did our meditation last night And it was wonderful! Except our cat is starved for constant attention so it didnt last terribly long haha.
I think the only sort of goal, is to come to your awareness and experience it. Nothing to know, nothing to gain, just to have your awareness join the present and therefor wrap itself around the past and the future.
I know that many of you arent into God and practice meditation for enlightenment or for other reasons. But the way I've come to it, is that when you disconnect from your sense organs and watch your own thought's from your heart rise and fall, you automatically are in complete communion with God. As far as we can know, God is the essence of the energy which guides existence. So if God is the awareness behind every atom then God is the awareness behind your own. Even the Buddha had koans and asked everyone to pinpoint the source of our consciousness. Well it cant be done, so they route I've taken is to just disconnect from my body and mind and you can feel instantly that you are in God consciousness. The mantra's, the Om sound, the energy, etc are just like unravelling different layers of reality that block us from what is called the Tao by Lao Tzu.
"The Way that can be experienced is not true;
The world that can be constructed is not real.
The Way manifests all that happens and may happen;
The world represents all that exists and may exist.

To experience without abstraction is to sense the world;
To experience with abstraction is to know the world.
These two experiences are indistinguishable;
Their construction differs but their effect is the same.

Beyond the gate of experience flows the Way,
Which is ever greater and more subtle than the world. "
- Tao Te Ching .1

God does exist and God doesn't exist. There is no right or wrong terms to come with concerning what we all are, you know? I dont believe in God, rather I experience it and see that it is impersonal. Full of love, yet we are that very love, everything is that love, and there is nothing to seek. No heaven to gain, no hell to fear, no God to worship, no God to disprove. There is without any doubt something powering existenc, bubbling and blossoming at the heart of every minute particle. That is God to me, and my meditation is focused on touching that. Religion and the like are what they are, and Buddhism is a wonderful teaching because it does not concern itself with the subject one way or the other. It's just beautiful and so is life so why not roll with it, right? !
God bless

 

Just agoraphobia? Usually, they diagnose you as either Panic Disorder with or without Agoraphobia because agoraphobia is created from fearing the fear and panic.

But yeah, I get physical symptoms too. It makes you kind of feel betrayed by your body, like what's causes by anxiety and if the symptoms have another cause. I get really really really sick when anxious, like when flying I'm usually throwing up for hours before, then more on the plane, then in the airport after, haha. Good and bad: anxiety makes up hypersensitive to our physical being. This can be a great skill because we are really aware but anxiety becomes overwhelming when normal physical reactions get translated into "Oh god, my stomach hurts, I'm going to die! AHH!" when it really is "Oh, my stomach hurts, I must be anxious"

You CAN deal with the physical symptoms though. But the way to do it is to deal with the emotional and cognitive imbalances. Dealing with this often causes MORE physical discomfort before things get better, which is why soooo many people just accept this state of anxiety. I know you said meds are not an option for ya, but have you ever tried cognitive behavioral therapy?

 

Wow John, thank you again for the words of inspiration and guidance. I can't even begin to explain my gratitude for your wealth of knowledge and willingness to share and help me along on my journey. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I need to think more about everything you said before I can give it a proper response

 

I get this way almost every time i'm going somewhere that makes me really nervous.
i'll throw up before, and my stomach will start to hurt..
i never know how to stop it though it just keeps happening.

 

Yes. what a coincidence- I just re-read the tao te ching this morning.

 

I read the Tao Te Ching for a class last fall semester but we ripped it apart and I feel like I didn't really appreciate it as I should have because I viewed it mainly in an intellectual and analytical light. And the majoritive of kids in my class were just like "uhhhggggg, I don't get it... why are we doing work? this is a philosophy classs!!!!"

 

take some acid and watch shit by timothy leary you'll soon know what life is about

 

*palm face*

 

Nah, I'm good.