Hey everyone. I've never posted in this forum, but I'm sure the stoner's lounge isn't the best place to post this concern of mine. I have a friend who had a child a month after I had my daughter. He's a boy and he'll be two in September. I've seen him a handful of times, maybe more, and each time I see him he's not getting any smarter. My friend isn't very well off, and not very well educated either. She didn't have the best upbringing, and it's definitely taking it's toll on her child. She didn't breast feed him, where as I breastfed my daughter for over 12 months. She doesn't feed him all that well now either. I was with them today and all I saw him eat in the course of 8 hours was a chicken mcnugget happy meal and water. His diaper wasn't changed during those 8 hours either. The mother who is young, at 22 doesn't even interact much with him. Her boyfriend, who is not the biological father does most of the care giving, and he's not all that attentive either. But they say terrible things to him that I would never even dream of saying to my child.... For example, when he is acting silly she'll say in a baby voice to him, "are you on crack.. hehehahah." She is not encouraging him to learn or speak at all. Yet she won't even bring him into a liquor store or a bar! I was trying to engage in conversation with him today like I do constantly with my daughter. I was asking him questions, speaking to him normally.. not in a baby tone. Asking him if he remembers my daughter, and telling him that he's coming to her birthday party soon, and there will be swings and a pool, etc. He just stares at me or nods his head. He doesn't say a single word except for mama and dada. And for everything else he points, makes an annoying sound and says daadaadaaadaa over and over for everything!!! He doesn't even look healthy. He is VERY underweight and probably less than 20 pounds at 22 months. My daughter is a voracious 31 pounds, is putting more than 4 words together. Can count to 10, recognizes some letters in the alphabet. Repeats every single word we say to her. Says thanks when you give her something. Tells me when she's ready for bed.. Lays down on the floor with a diaper when she wants me to change her.. Is she normal, or is he normal and my daughter is just very advanced???? I brought up the possibility that maybe my friend's son has add or adhd since he's always so hyper and spastic, but she wouldn't hear none of it!!! Almost getting mad at me for suggesting the idea.. Well I'm beginning to think that his problem is far worse than add... possibly autism. I really feel sorry for this child, and even though this is my friend... It sickens me how she thinks she's doing such a great job as a mother, and how her son is so perfect even though he's so behind. He acts like a little zombie who knows how to run around and laugh. CONSTANTLY. Any advice??
His hyperactivity and spastic behaviour are more likely due to no attention and his crazy unhealthy diet. Children that dont get fresh fruit and vegetables, lots of cool fresh water, and complex carbs, and protein will act out. It's a biological mechanism. Yes, he has adhd but only because he's not being fed properly. As far as how his mother acts towards him, sounds like she's depressed. I went through a phase like that. Not talking is sometimes normal. Everychild is different. Frankly, I'd say something, but only if it's not a good friend.
Hey lady, Well, I'm not a mommy yet but I have taken care of lots of kids and taken many childhood development classes and basically, he isn't growing up in the ideal environment and is not as blessed as your daughter to have such an engaged mother, I think developmentally he is a bit behind, but it's not something to worry about yet. I'll pull out some old text book for ya if you want but as I recall 18-24 months toddlers usually have 20-50 words in their vocabulary. That doesn't mean that they are speaking 50 words, but they understand 20 to 50 words. This is also when kids string together a couple words to makes sentences. They make animal noises and can imitate words and sounds mommy and daddy make, like if they point to something and you say "truck" they attempt to say truck, even if they mispronounce it. But he still has 2 more months in this stage so he can potentially catch up. Kids are resilient, and they all learn at different speed so just be patient, I guess. But I can understand your concern, it is a shame that his parents act that way because, as you know, kids learn by playing and acting and watching mom and dad, but if the adults arn't engaged, the child doesn't have much to work with.
I'm not a mother, but I know a good bit about child development. It is impossible to diagnose ADD/ADHD in a 2 year old because the typical behaviors of a 2 yo are identical to those of ADHD. Some children don't develop language as quickly as others. This doesn't make them less smart than others who may have language. You see your child's every move and hear her every word. You're not around your friend's child as much, so it is impossible for you to have a full understanding of this boy's development. I'm a therapist and I see a different perspective of my clients than their parents do. As for the diet, the food is most likely making him hyper. Gluten and foods high in sugar can throw any child off. Breast feeding is a beautiful thing, but not every mama can do it. Maybe she couldn't breastfeed. One of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when some people compare their children to others. All children are equally smart IMO, but show their intelligences differently. Maybe your child has awesome verbal skills;whereas, this boy may have math skills or a naturalistic intelligence. What may be good for your child may not be good for another child. The only thing that I would suggest is a diet change because suggesting anything else could be insulting to her.
I quoted Holly because I agree with everything she wrote.... I hope your friend can step outside of the situation and truly SEE what is going on and either ask for help or step up and start doing some better parenting....
Thanks for your advice guys. I know that I know my daughter inside and out, but I've spent enough time around this boy to really get a feel for his intelligence, or lack there of. I can tell there is something wrong with him. But I could never say anything to my friend because she would go nuts! Oh and she didn't breasfeed because she was lazy, and she wasn't eating properly herself. She is the last person who should of had a baby! Bumble- you must be a therapist RIGHT out of school. Good luck.
he may catch up a bit but, its scientifically proven that the things you have done for your child(breatfeeding, healthy diet, communication) give her the things she has that he doesnt. it is very sad but u cant raise other peoples kids for them. Sometimes i wish we could : )
