just realized that im not all that normal..oh well. I aint depressed, i dont have bi-polar, or manic depression or any of that shit. But i real a bunch of symptomes of schizophrenia...and the shit i read said this: Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that could be of several types. These various types of schizophrenia are inclusive of: Hebephrenic schizophrenia that is also called disorganized schizophrenia characterizes the phenomenon of inappropriate laughing and giggling, silliness in behavior, infantile behavior, incoherent speech and also strange and sometimes obscene behavior. .......... I got all of these fuckin symptomes. I just thought it over and yeah i have crazy fucking inappropriate laughing and giggling for no reason just by myself and with other humans. I have fucked up crazy wild behavior when im by myself like screaming really loud, talking to myself. I have got infantile behavior of making unusual sounds and screams with people..by myself. I make infantile jokes at work, and then I laugh at them till tears come out of my eyes..But this is the crazy laughter, not that confident strong laughter, but the laughter that drains my emotion and life energy. I then loose touch of reality from this. Tonight as I was trying to fall asleep i think i had my first serious episode. I was thinkin about random shit, and I started to reflect on my life for the past 8 years. I got so deep into my thought i was basically seeing what i was thinking in front of my open eyes. as this shit was happening I was hearing and thinking that my parents were downstairs watching TV, walking up and down the stairs/ and in the kitchen. But soon after i stoped thinking in my deep thought, i just realized 15 min has gone by and my parents were never outside my room, and that they went to bed an hour ago. I imagined that whole shit. I was so deep into thinking i was havig delusions that my parents were up. Holy shit! I used to have delusions that i could change the weather with my thoughts. and it always worked. everytime i thought negative things, negative, cloudy shitty wether came. then i was like "holy shit" so then i started thinkin happy thoughts and the clouds went away. I could do this for like 4 weeks. then it stopped. it worked everytime. no it dont work. i also have a sever case of OCD and major obsesive compulsive thought patterns that i would become handicapped that i would be thinkin of the same shit over and over again, then becuase of this i would loose touch of reality and become wraped in my own twisted world where everything looks fuckin wierd...kinda like a mushroom trip. I wouldnt see hallucinations or hear shit..but like the outlines of everything..would look so wierd..and like i would concentrate on all the objects in front of me all at once. i dont know how to explain it but i wasnt in reality i know that for sure. there is so much more. i could write a book about this shit. like for example, i was watching you tube videos n shit about the big bang, and about the cosmos and the universe. i was really interested. i was like "holy shit! the universe is that big!?!?" fuck ...lol but anyways i went outside and looked at the nature im like "wow the earth looks so beautiful" and i felt like i was coming to earth for the first time. i was fuckin trippin out for a good 10-15 minutes just like looking at how blue and crazy looking the atmosphere was and how alien looking the trees and a bunch of species were like fowers and bugs. i knew they were flowers n bugs and shit, but i percieved everything as if i were an alien comin to Earth for the first time! it was crazy.. but yeah...that isnt normal behavior. lately shit has been getting wierder and wierder...i one time didnt sleep for like 3 days..and on the second day i was slighly hallucinting ..i was like "wtf" i cant sleep right now!!!!!!!! i have tons of abnormal bahvior...so much more i cant even recount. my mom even says to me your not normal. my step dad used to say months ago "just look at your self in the mirror...for once..you have got very serious emotional and mental problems." and he just fuckin says that n leaves. i didnt understand him at all of what he was talking about... this forum is helpful..but yeah..i dont know i loose touch on reality a lot..i dont have paranoid delusions...no hallusinations, and no auditory hallucinations..but that dont matter, i have a year before the full symptomes occur.
You're 19. What's normal about that? You're still in a developemental stage in your life. Things are going to change often and fast for you the next few years. Best time of your life too. Don't work yourself up over trying to diagnose something you read on the internet. BIG no no. Two things you need to ask yourself here. Does anyone in your family suffer from this? Have you ever had a head injury? We know schizophrenia can be passed through families. Head injuries can produce schizophrenia as well. The ONLY way to know for sure is to go have yourself looked at by someone who can tell. You can't. Good luck. x
^ This. Probably one of the worst things you can do. I know how you are feeling about not being normal, but what is normal anyways? If you read something vague online, and then say "oh man, that's me!", you are going to perpetuate that thought and the resulting condition from that thought, when it was probably just your imagination in the first place. let it all go man, just relax.
People with schizophrenia don't realize there's a problem because they are delusional. You are saying you are delusional, but you are realizing these behaviors are "strange". To a schizophrenic, there would be "this is weird" it would just me "yeah, I control the weather, there's nothing weird about that. its how life is." Delusions are no longer delusions once you realize you are being delusional, you know? Everything i read about you sounds pretty normal. Hallucinating after not sleeping, totally normal. Talking to yourself, normal. Laughing till you are drained, normal. If anything, it just sounds like you are stressed out. Disorganized schizophrenia involves "word soup", where you are talking to someone, and to the person with schizophrenia, everything sounds normal and awesome but to a "normal" person, the words are fragmented, ordered oddly, said in rhyme and even new words are invented. So what I'm basically saying is if you think "Wow, I must be going crazy" you are probably fine, because if you were truly slipping into schizophrenia, everything would seem pretty normal because you would be delusional and oblivious of your mental decline.
My Mother has schizophrenia and I have always worried about suddenly getting it somehow, either through drugs or random shit. I used to get so worked up about it that I'd start to think I was going crazy. You shouldn't diagnose yourself through the internet though, as it has already been said. If you truly are worried then see a psychiatrist or something to put your mind at ease. If you start believing in a total different world, start talking about yourself in third person and are talking to invisible people (who you genuinely believe exist) then there may be cause for concern. You're fine though, I echo Stella's words, if you were developing it you would still be thinking you're perfectly fine.
