Attraction

Hi...no I didn't include any physical qualities. Be careful what you ask/pray for though. You've heard of that old saying "be careful what you wish for, you might get it"

 

Well, I got just exactly what I wished for, and here's an example of how much of a sense of humor the universe has.

She's everything I asked for, but she's also arrogant, rude, spiteful, insecure, holds up a double standard, unmotivated, a complete princess, and unhappily married to a loveless husband she'd rather stay and be a kept whore for than to live as a real woman. She's perfectionistic, a complete slut, refuses to take responsibility for anything she does, instead shifting the blame to someone else, and engages in drama that'd please the greeks, begs for rescue, then demands to do things on her own, which 'on her own' involves doing nothing and hoping things change for the better.

I wasted two years of my life on her, and I've almost come to hate myself because of her bullshit.

and what REALLY pisses me off? I love her despite her flaws, and I'm willing to let everything except the 'married' and 'total slut' go as unimportant.

I'm so very disappointed in myself, and in the universe at large. She's managed to hit everything that every ex i ever had did, except get pregnant by someone else, which I'm surprised.

:toetap05:

It is my conclusion that 'Love' is bunk. And if she wants to stay with him, he can have her, and I'll learn (I hope) to be grateful that she's out of my life, instead of missing her.

Gods I sound pathetic.

Out inner wuss! Out damn you! Out and begone with your whimpering whining!

 

I'm being careful and I'm trying to be as thorough as possible.

Like I said, I feel kind of nervous burning it and letting it out into the wind. I don't really have a sacred place and it's not all that windy here right now, lol! I also don't want to forget what I put, either.

Blah, I keep thinking "Okay, I'm going to finish this, burn it and take the ashes somewhere and scatter them." I just want to do everything right, you know?

 

I think you'll find that method isn't nearly as important as the heart that goes behind it. You're already sending it out there the physical act is more for you, connecting you to your intentions. You don't need to worry too much about screwing it up because you always get what you ask for and there are always avenues for love. Just trust that it will go out and that as you are sending this out somebody is receiving and sending their own out... all you have to do is wait and see what the threads look like together.

 

The cute little prick hanging out in my mind once wrote me an e-mail asking, "What is love?" I probably should have replied, "It's definitely nothing that I have for you." Or I should have said, "It's chemicals." Or I should have said, "It's something you'll never have." Or I should have said...

Hang in there, buddy. But hey, vent all you want. There are some folks here who know how it feels.

 

Hey Mysterious...I simply asked for somebody to love and that would love me back. Somebody honest, trustworthy, sense of humour, with a good heart etc. that was in the same place spiritually that I was. You are going to get a basically good human being with faults the same as anyone else. LOL, sorry I didn't realize this was going to stress you....

 

It isn't really stressing me.....just...blah...let's just say I've lived a lot in my 27 years.

 

lived more than most people twice your age is the phrase that somehow springs to mind, hun. I can 'hear' it in your voice.

Maybe it's just one survivor recognizing another one. Good luck.

 

Yes, I agree with Born25years. Try not to get involved with anyone you have to "fix"...people have to fix themselves, or at least want to be fixed. LOL, I speak from experience.....

 

.

I'm still trying to fix myself after trying to fix someone else (yeah, her). I think i bit off more than i could chew... Eyes bigger than my belly

Life is hard. Smile everybody!

 

LOL...I used to want to save the world and everyone in it. When I was in my early teens and others were bringing home stray puppies and kittens I was bringing home stray people..hahaha used to drive my parents round the bend.

 

yeah, I'm flypaper for the 'wounded bird' women.

they show up, they usually bullshit through until we're emotionally involved, then say 'oh, I'm a suicidal self-injurer with nymphomania that likes endangering myself by screwing random guys in trashy clubs' 'I'm glad I haven't slept with you yet, then.'.

It gets old. real fast..the 'oh, please heal me...ok, I'm all better, I'm ditching you now' crap.

It's almost turned me off of women on general principle...and honestly, I'd go gay, but I can't stand guys.

 

Yes, I'm the survivor of a relationship with a woman who was 110% dependent on me. I don't want that ever, ever again. I think what bothers me is the Law of Attraction - you attract everything into your life by how you think. So, I just wonder if I'm attracting all these women b/c of how I'm thinking at the time?

I guess if I think good things and think that I deserve the type of woman I want, then I'll attract her? Isn't that logical?

 

logical, but it can actually be counterintuitive. I've found the universe can be one hell of a bargain shopper, as if you don't take your subconcious thought patterns into account, the universe'll deliver some really chipped and messed up people to your doorstep. Part of the problems I'm haivng with the current one... I didn't take into account the darker parts of my personality having a say in things too, and it had a heyday.

The funny thing...our relationship was doing fine until she decided that us being able to count on and rely on each other being a bad thing, yelled 'co-dependant' (which with the way she used it, she doesn't even know what it means) and shredded the relationship from the inside. I really hope my prayers get answered here...especially the one for her to get her head straight. Us being together with things worked out (ALL the things worked out) would be the best outcome, if not, being able to be quit of her and able to say good riddance would help too.

sucked, becuase the relationship was bulletproof, except from one of us mucking about with things.

hey..got a question...what is it about girls looking for 'the catch'? I'm straightforward and honest about my flaws, but apparently, I'm supposed to hide something for them to find later, because otherwise, they start getting...creepy as far as nitpicking and tearing apart the relationship to find 'the catch' or 'his big flaw'

makes me kinda crazy, you know? constantly being accused of things I don't do, or being treated with suspicion and paranoia because I'm supposed to have this huge flaw that I'm hiding and just haven't exposed yet. I'm open about my flaws, and see no reason to hide them, as I think a girl ought to know what she's getting.

 

Born25YearsTooLate, my advice: Ditch them the very MOMENT they start nitpicking. Don't even give them time to blink. Really. Seriously. It will knock their heads so hard they'll be trying to figure out what the hell happened - which is good, cuz maybe they'll finally figure themselves out. And it will get you in the habit of rejecting what does not work for you. And I strongly advise using words something like this: "The problem you're looking for doesn't exist in me. Obviously you need someone who has the problem you're trying to find. Best of luck with your search." Then turn around, walk away, and never, never, never look back.

In times of drama, dramatic measures are called for.

 

Mysterious...I found that when I started working on myself, healing my wounds and changing the things I didn't like about myself, then the right people started coming into my life. Maybe a rise in self esteem came along with that and I didn't "settle" anymore. This is just my own experience.

 

Born25Years...

You should see my post in the Women's Issues Forum about jealousy......

Anyway, yeah....I know there are several things about myself that suck, but for the most part, I like how I am and I wouldn't change many things. I don't really have a self-esteem issue. I'm just sick of running into women that want to play games, have no intelligence or independence. And, yes, I listed those qualities in my "letter". I'm thinking about re-doing it....again....

My problem goes back to the original post that started this whole thing. I really, really liked this girl who is this archetype that keeps showing up. Three times, three different women but it's the same person if that makes any sense. I'm wondering if it's going to keep showing up until I do the right thing....whatever that is....

 

Gizmo..the only problem with that theory, is it's been all cases thus far, from the most well-adjusted, to the most insane of the lot I've been involved with.

I'm honest to the point of people believing I have something to hide. It gets weird, because it's like 'why're you watching me?' 'I'm waiting for you to freak out and get upset over something stupid.' 'Nah, I've already let you know what trips me out.' 'but there's got to be MORE!! nobody's THAT damn honest!'

 

yeah, sounds like my problem...the only thing is, not only is it the 'same woman', but it's the 'same woman with better disguises and spy gear'. It gets really hard not to assume that there's something wrong with 'me' after a dozen vastly different females, almost all of which have gone crazy in some form or fashion, including 9 that stalked me, and 6 of those trying to kill me. All of which have had 'secret' issues with jealousy, as they believed themselves to 'not be the jealous type', and wound up not only being jealous , but with a side order of (pick any 3-5 of the list) insecure, needy, clingy, aggravating, pretentious, snide, spiteful, hateful, dishonest, disloyal, slutty, trashy, self-hating, self-injuring, and/or controlling.

I know people are going to have flaws and problems, but I'm looking for a girl who has maybe a backpack and suitcase, maybe an overnight bag....not 4 steamer trunks and an overseas freight container of baggage. I mean hell, I don't even ask that she have less than me...just if she requires meds, she actually takes them, and tries to be functional

I'm going to poke around and see if I can't find your post, hun.

 

mysterious night and 25yrs...

That same person is you... or rather your shadow ie.the parts of you that you are unaware of or don't wish to own so you project this onto someone who can wear it. You see yourself in another and it's like "Hey! You again!"
This 'illusion of separation' we get stuck in creates the hall of mirrors we call physical reality. This happens when we disconnect or close off parts of ourselves that we can't deal with and lose our wholeness. We then can become dependent on the person mirroring the reflection, not recognising that it is indeed a reflection of ourselves.... - If you keep seeing the same reflection in the mirror... who is it?
In all events, we should try and love our reflection in he mirror, yes?

For anyone looking to find themselves ... to know themselves, i'd recommend spending time naked in front of a full length mirror. - Check out your body ... your flesh and muscle, teeth and nails. Get involved. look into your eyes and look within this body; Who is it on the outside? Who is it on the inside?

I got into a situation in my teens where i slowly and unconciously ... and quite innocently started denying my sexual nature ... part of my animal nature, through simple sexual shame stemming from masturbating and using porn and as i grew older it just got compounded because i couldn't deal with it. I was a really lovely young man, but one who was slowly becoming half of himself. I had a couple of really nice girlfriends back then ... but no sex, i wasn't ready because i didn't understand.
When i was 25 i met her... my Mary Magdelene, my sacred prostitute, my dark goddess. Why dark? ...Well, because i denied that in myself and hence it became 'another' and consequently i feared her. 'Fear colours darkly'. I'll call her 'K' from now on. She was the eldest of three sisters... representing the wisdom of the body ... both outer and inner... and on a macro scale ... the bio physical universe. Actually i'd met her briefly when i was 14, under a great tree outside a 'great hall' ... a place very symbolic to me of the crown chakra, and incedentally Mysterious Night ... she had on her a little white pet rat which belonged to a friend of hers.. And then we all went swimming and she nicked all my stuff which i've already talked about.
So anyway 10 years later we met again and got together and she said some things (mostly when she was high or tripping) which have stuck with me ever since, but relevant here is:
"You've GOT to trust me" - See the relevance here? She's talking about sex and my body... all parts of my animal nature. Which i was (unconciously) denying.
In a sense we were equal opposites to eachother and mirroring to eachother that which we denied in ourselves, and for a while i think we found some wholeness in our relationship ... until the projection and mirroring wore thin and we returned to our polarised 'half selves'. ...then we argued and fell out ... she began to hate me, and i couldn't hate her (the polarised opposites again).

TBC ...