Holy Shit

Discussion in 'Stoners Lounge' started by Stella_Drives, Aug 4, 2008.

  1. teh-horace

    teh-horace for your pleasure

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    blackspotted?

    you gotsta calm down home girl.

    thing's is tight. just lie down.
     
  2. Captain Cannabis

    Captain Cannabis Banned

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    As long as your not throwing up you dont need to go to the hospital.

    Your just having a panic attack, lay down and listen to some cannibal corspe and you should be fine.
     
  3. MurkN

    MurkN Member

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    Holy Shit!
     
  4. KiddieP

    KiddieP Member

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    My happy is very long.
     
  5. ~Baked Goods~

    ~Baked Goods~ Senior Member

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    A band with a song entitled, "Entrails ripped from a virgin's ****." Makes me feel at peace.
     
  6. RELAYER

    RELAYER mādhyamaka

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    Stella, it is quite apparent to me that the cause of all of this emotional turmoil you are spinning through is because you consciousness is stuck on your Muladhara chakra. This chakra is located at the base of your spine, and it is related to sexual energy. The desire for sexual union, as well as the playful spirit surrounding it, brings your attention down towards the Earth and the area of physical stimulation, and a lot of people are so confused because they are using it to fulfill something else that is missing in their lives. Not being sure if you are gay is not your problem, I think, but it is how you are looking for some satisfaction for yourself but are expecting to receive it from your girlfriend, when it all has to come from you.
    [​IMG]
    If I may get into it here, please stay with me or this will be pointless to read. It is said (metaphorically, of course) that what is manifesting your very conciousness, is what is called Kunalini. The Sanskrit root for this word is 'kund' which means 'coil' roughly translated. The imagery used to portray this energy of life is that of a snake, coiling down from the mind (God) to the base of the spine (desire), and the battle is the struggle between the two.
    During mediation one should focus on lifting this female energy from the base of the spine, upwards to the root of the mind, back into the masculine side of creation. Think of a tree growing backwards if that helps.
    The sexual union of man/woman or whatever, does not compare to the union of Shakti and Shiva, or energy and intelligence, or nature and creation, etc. It's all just a bunch of names to describe that which is entirely personal and subject to our own experience.
    Think of the Caduceus :
    [​IMG]
    Or think of your DNA genetic strands. Or think of ancient pottery and paintings in Mesoamerica, Asia, India, Africa, etc. It is obvious that humans have long known about the battle between internal and external stimuli, or personal and impersonal. The Buddhists focus on the Impersonal aspect of Creation, while the Hindu's focus on the Personal.
    I had a very, very powerful trip on LSD this past Saturday, and thought most of it is to fuzzy to recall, I do remember seeing the two snakes battle with my will and intent and sensations, as I spiralled deeper and deeper into insantiy.
    What I found is that this battle eternally rages on, and it's up to you to either accept it and go deeper, or keep fighting. When you have revelations like you had last night, my suggestion is not to let it all out even to us on the forums right away, but rather see your own thoughts from outside of yourself and watch them come and go. By letting them absorb your consciousness, your pushing yourself farther away from internal peace and riding on the backs of only one of the snakes.
    The answers are all within you and you alone can bring it to the surface.
    Namaste and God Bless and good health +
     
  7. Stella_Drives

    Stella_Drives Senior Member

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    John, you never fail at giving me a completely different perspective. I know all of this is me, not her, regardless of how cliche it sounds. It's sooo hard to just realize these thoughts and watch them rather then getting totally engulfed in them because I feel like these feelings mean that I've been lying to myself about my relationship, so when the thoughts surface I feel immediate panic and like the world is just going to literally stop at any moment. I don't want to cause her any pain but clearly I'm suffering on a deeper level. When all this was happening and the past view days, the space right inbetween my eyes has been throbbing and pulsing almost. I don't know what that means, but when I get acupuncture on that point it always bleeds a really deep red blood and swells up like a bug bite and my acupuncturist always goes "GOOD, VERY GOOD!". Is this a chakra or a meridian or something? Are those two things one and the same?

    Again, thank you tremendously for sharing your wisdom John.
     
  8. RELAYER

    RELAYER mādhyamaka

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    Yea! That point between your eyebrows is where your focus need to be! :)
    That is the Ajna chakra or the 3rd eye as it's commonly called, and if it is throbbing I should ask a friend of mine who knows much more than I about this.
    That is a very important sign and Im afraid I do not know enough about this enery junction to offer any advice. All I know is that in my own experience, when my life is not healthy both physicall and mentally, I get a sort of block in my meditation that has to be worked through in order to open that channel back up.
    The Ajna chakra is the second to the last chakra that the energy flows up into before it goes out of the body and into the metaphysical connections, and I know that this is where doubt and fear have the strongest grip, because your ego tries everything it can to convince you that you need it to be happy, while a higher truth is calling you but it get's silenced by fear of the unkown. And really this can be applied to every little thing in life.
    You seem like you are having all of this realizations, and you just want to burst into nothing and be free from it all. But when karma is in play it makes it seem like you cant do that. But you really can, just absolutley refuse to give into any kind of fear, and let yourself go, experience all of the negative thoughts and situations that come with the truth. It's like our souls are collecting dust and it's getting darker because the truth is not being allowed to soar free, and we keep putting off cleaning it. Going to hell sucks but love is the answer and the truth is love, it will always march on :)
     
  9. Shapeshifter

    Shapeshifter Member

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    Stella, try to take a deep breath few times and try to focus on... absolutely nothing. This is not easy as thoughts are comming, but try please to switch off completely your thoughts. Try to concentrate on what are you feeling, but don't go to deep after one feeling. try to collect all the feelings that you are feeling. When you manage to be alone with your feelings, try to ask your self who you are, but don't try to answer with your mind, try to feel who you are. Don't warry, you will never get the full answer of who you are, but try to define to yourself who you are in this moment. It is very important to define to yourself who you really are and what you like and what you don't like. If you remember of something and your feeling is telling you that it is not ok, try not to do that thing. Try to find what you would like, backed up with the nice feeling. You see, now you are not very much aware of feelings because of confusion in your mind. So, first you need to clear that confusion and feelings can help you determine what you would really want and what not. You must know who you are and what you want before you give yourself to others. Otherwise, its cheating, you are giving something to somebody what you don't know what it is. Its like: "Here take this, i don't know what it is, maybe its dangerous, you keep it". And by doing that you are running even more away from yourself and you are becoming what you think others would like. You don't need to think what others would like or not, you need to know what you want. You must not put the mask and act the way others would like. I know it looks difficult, but belive me, it is much easier when you are what you want you to be, not others. There will always be somebody who will like you the way you are, and those who don't like you. If somebody doesn't like you the way you are, you can't make them by beeing something else, it will make it completely opposite. They will notice that something is wrong and that you are acting and they will hate you even more. So, for a moment forget about your girlfried, dad, mom, whoever, and try to be alone with yourself. Thats the only way to find out what you really like and what not. Once you know who you really are, try not to loose that again.
    I don't know you, but I wish I can be there and just to hug you once. Look at this forum, we all love you the way you are. Sorry to break it to you, but what you wrote here, its you, thats who you really are. That is why you can't talk to your girlfriend like this because you have a mask and you are scared that if you remove the mask, you will hurt her. Look, you didn't hurt any of us here, on the contrary, we all jumped to help somehow. It is always much easier when you are who you really are, without the mask. Its now up to you to recognize all the masks that you have and remove them and walk on the sun for the first time happy, free, without lies and confident.
    Love you and wish you all the best on your jorney!
     
  10. Stella_Drives

    Stella_Drives Senior Member

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    Thank you both for sharing wise words with me.

    John, what you described about that chakra is EXACTLY what I've been battling with. Just fear of the unknown, but having a strange pull towards things spiritual but the idea of loss of ego is absolutely terrifying to me.

    Shapeshifter, thank you. A lot of what your said really struck a chord within me, I have been putting up a mask and it is time to take that down. It is really hard for me to be alone with my thoughts because they usually get the best of me. This makes me untrusting of anything I think becuase I have difficulty drawing the line between rational and irrational thoughts. I will try to sit with my own thoughts today.
     
  11. Shapeshifter

    Shapeshifter Member

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    Not just with thoughts! They made the whole confusion. You must check the thoughts with feelings. You must be certain what you FEEL about certain thought, and then recognise do you like that thought or not. You must find out what makes you FEEL happy and what makes you FEEL unhappy and then decide what is right or wrong and to try not to do things witch FEEL wrong. That is very important because if you do only things that make you happy, witch means that they are according to you right things to do, that makes you think about yourself as a very correct person and basicaly draws a better picture of yourself to you. That further leads to increase of self confidence, witch is one of the most important things. People with a lot of selfconfidence have a lot of trust in themselfes. Who you can trust if you don't know him? If you know yourself, you don't have reason not to trust yourself and than you don't get in a situations where you feel bad because you did something that you didn't want.
    So, feelings are very important, same as thoughts. As Relayer said, there are 2 snakes. They must be in harmony and be trusted equally in order to achieve your iner peace. If you achieve iner peace, no outside events can ruin that peace, meaning that nobody can hurt you, because you also don't want to hurt anybody. That leads us to karma. To have a good karma, those 2 things must be in perfect harmony. If one snake is dominant, that leads streight to bad karma, or what they call in west Murphy's Law. Simply with bad karma, you are just attracting bad vibes and events where ever you go, or what ever you do.
    Hope this helps you.
    Again, lots of love and support!
     
  12. Mother's Love

    Mother's Love Generalist

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    im straight with bi turn ons, women are sexy.

    go out to the wood, and scream your little head off! release it to the sky. your scream is going to block your self discovery until you let it out.
    you'll be all right.
     
  13. TopNotchStoner

    TopNotchStoner Georgia Homegrown

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    There's nothing wrong with you Stella. You're still growing up and becoming the person you're meant to be, and you just have to explore all parts of yourself, even if some of your feelings contradict eachother. Emotions are complicated and everything doesn't have to be so black and white. All that matters is that you end up with someone who you love and who brings positivity and happiness to your life. You and your girlfriend just grew apart and it's time to move on, whether it's with a guy, a girl, or nobody at all for a while; just be happy:)
     
  14. Stella_Drives

    Stella_Drives Senior Member

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    Thank you all once again for the tremendous support!

    Brian, you put things sooo simply and honestly and it really really made me feel a hell of a lot better, thank you!
     
  15. TopNotchStoner

    TopNotchStoner Georgia Homegrown

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    Just try to feel better. It'll be okay:)
     
  16. ~Baked Goods~

    ~Baked Goods~ Senior Member

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    Brian is full of wisdom and knowledge. He truly lives up to his forum handle. Topnotch in more than being a stoner. I find good qualities in all the regulars here. I could make a thread about what I like about all of you. This place is like family to me.
     
  17. TopNotchStoner

    TopNotchStoner Georgia Homegrown

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    You're right, ~Baked Goods~. It's not hard to get close to the people here. I consider many of you to be my friends:)
     
  18. ~Baked Goods~

    ~Baked Goods~ Senior Member

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    An online community like this one is hard to find. I'm glad I'm back at posting.
     
  19. TopNotchStoner

    TopNotchStoner Georgia Homegrown

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    We're glad you're back too man:)
     
  20. ~Baked Goods~

    ~Baked Goods~ Senior Member

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    I'm sure I didn't put a huge imprint on the forums. I like to think people appreciate my random bits of humor.
     

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