Okay, so I'm totally having a crisis.

It is time for me to let my hair go. Just give up combing (not that I did before) and maintaining with a moisturizing shampoo. I know the ins and outs and I've done my research. I've even read through the last... 50 pages in this forum just to see what opinions were a couple years ago. I have even developed a reason for letting my head lock up - I'm not doing it solely for styling purposes.

But I'm freaking out.

I have three things weighing me down right now. The first is that, unfortunately as an adult who needs to pay for gas, food, books, etc, I need a job. Anything part-time that'll get me a couple cents more than minimum wage will make me happy. But I need one, and I'm afraid that the "You look dirty because your hair is a mess" image won't vibe well with 90% of the jobs I could possibly be interviewed for.

Secondly, I have a girlfriend. And I love her to death. However, she is uneasy about me not "fitting in" with the majority of society, and with good reason. We both have fairly social lives and my interaction with society will indirectly affect her. Society's reaction to me will also affect her, with "society" partially being her conservative-image, catholic, fresh-off-the-boat Italian mom and step-dad. Sure, they've lived in the US for a while, but values and beliefs stick. And for every minute they aren't tearing into me, they'll be tearing into her about me. Unfair but true.

Thirdly, I might go to India this winter. Not just for a vacation, but to teach about radio (broadcasting and content and such). I volunteer at my university's radio station, and the general manager wants to bring two students with him on his annual trip to India to teach about radio. He knows of my interest in this trip. To be honest, I'm not sure how well my undreaded yet super knotty hair will fly with such an adventure (I'd be six months in my dread-journey by January). I'd hate to lose an opportunity like this just because I felt compelled to not comb my hair.

I'm all about this. I've been psyched to let go and watch the world pass me by as my hair dreads. I'd love gain something from the experience of dreading my hair, and to be honest, at 20 years old, if I don't start now I'll probably never do it.

I just don't feel like I'm ready to give up / struggle with every other detail of my life just to dread my hair.

Help me?

 

So first, what you need to get dreads is residue free soap and time.

Point one, most of the jobs you won't get because of your hair isn't really worth it I'd be better looking for it harder and finding one (like I did) any job exept in chain restaurants can accept dreadlocks if you just don't care about them too much and if your confident it won't make a difference.

2. Tell your girlfriend why you want them and that they ain't that bad at all, they are very good in fact haha, yes people will look at you with a different eye but man... people in general are pretty messed up, YOU are the normal guy if you have dreads haha. I guess it should be hard because of your image and all but if you want them there won't be ANY problem, but if your not ready to live with what dreads gives you maybe you shouldn't begin the journey.

3. I don't understand what is the problem there sorry.

4. Relax a bit maybe, but don't take drugs! they are bad. Really.

I think if you get dreads and stay yourself and all ..you should be good and after you'll feel a lot better I'm 100% sure, I mean maybe even a better person.

 

As far as the job goes, go for manual labor.. I find odd jobs here and there that pay $12 bucks an hour.. keep in mind it is arse busting work in the hot sun. Night shift at Home Depot will pay around that much I believe.

 

I feel ya. My girlfriend was opposed to it too, but I am not as close to her as I could/should be, so perhaps her approval was not a top priority.

As for a job, I work at a gas station and they don't seem to mind. I've had the job since before my hair was dreaded, but afterwards they have said nothing, and I wear a bandanna. All hope is not lost. Any job (within reason) thats not in food service should be attainable. I have a large obstacle ahead of me as well. Next year I can work in a hospital and I have no idea how my hair will go there. I mean, its a hospital so it needs to look clean and sanitary... I am banking on the fact that: the work is in such high demand + there being so many hospitals around + wearing a medical cap at all times, I'm sure I will find something, somewhere.


Keep fighting the good fight, friend. And good luck.

 

I've done the manual labor thing for a while. I'm good at it, but I won't get any work during the school year. I live on campus, so making regular money won't really happen on my own. I can barely get piano students, and I've advertised for that all over! People are cheap these days.

I don't do drugs. Not now at least. That's part of my dread journey.

The issue with the India thing is based on my managers judgment. It isn't so much that I'm worried about going, but how my image would reflect on my manager. And how my image could reflect on my manager's decision. It could just be added personal paranoia, but it's there.

What are your thoughts on backcombing / rip&tear? Do you think there is an equally gained experience through one of these methods as there is in going natural?

My goal was to go natural, but now I feel like I should opt for a more maintained route. I think I'd feel like a sell out... Would I be selling out?

 

in india dreads are massively respected so your image would reflect favorably on your manager

jobs ive known doctors with dreads ive known cops with dreads (no noyt undercover narcs i mean uniiformed officers..ive known colledge proffessors and network admins and you name it..if you do your job well you can get any job you choose although you may have to crack open some closed minds and prove that your apeadrance doesnt affect work performance

 

Oh no, I know dreads are cool in India.
But my manager isn't Indian. He's British.
The most white, anglo-saxon man I know. An Oxford toastmaster! (no lie)
The people in India might be cool with them, if they form up by that time...

Mr. Manager could be a different story :-/

 

i know its a difficult desicion but really its not about what other people want its about you ...i mean they arnt the ones that have the hair or occupy your body so why should they care...people will be judgmental no matter what ...so just do whats rite for u, also its not like having dreads will affect your work,unless there falling all in ur eyes and stuff which can happen with any hair ...so just tye em up

 

If your hair's a total mess, hide it under a hat when really really needed.. otherwise.. I work at a callcenter and nobody is fretting about my appearance althoug my hair's a mess and I look really unconventional- I even get compliments!

 

That's right most of the time I get good compliments about how messy I look haha. From people I don't know at all.

I think that you learn more about dreads when you go natural yes, but formed or not while in india it won't bother. I think it look better going natural then backcomb strait from the beggining.

 

just say fuck it and do it now man. a person comes to certain time when they feel it is time to grow dreads. I felt that way and it sounds like you do as well. don't worry about what other people think, live YOUR life the way YOU want to. stand up for what you believe in and don't take shit for other people. It is really is a journey, and if you choose to embark on it, I wish you luck. and always remember, have fun.

 

I'm very much for getting/ keeping dreads, no matter what crap people give me. For me they are a symbol of my freedom. I would be very pleased to see you keep them... that in mind, be aware you will certainly only receive one sided opinions on this forum. There is nothing wrong with that, its perfectly normal.. you won't find people advocating government programs on the anti-state anarchy forums. It would only be natural for everyone here to encourage you to keep them and emphasize the pros and deemphasize the cons of dreads.
That being said.. at the end of the day you must make the decision completely for yourself. Talk it over with people, it never hurts to get many opinions. Considering bringing it up to your girlfriend, her parents, your family, teachers, employers, etc. Conversation will only help elucidate the advantages and disadvantages of any particular choice, so long as you always remember to think for yourself after weighing everything carefully. Your hair will always turn into dreads whenever you take a mind to, and if they cause you more pain that pleasure you don't have to keep them.. I certainly believe that there is no dread-deontology.
I hope to see some wonderful pictures of you sitting in India with some healthily-developing dreads. :cheers2:

 

I understand the problem(s) but what I have learnt is that Id rather be happy and doing what I want to be doing than unhappy pleasing other people. The Girlfriend thing... ditto above. I know parents can have closed-minded views sometimes but if you're a good guy, make an effort with your clothes, treat her well, hopefully they'll learn to love you. Who wants to be loved for something they're not anyway?

As for the job, my friend has a mohecan (about a foot high) and he gets asked to change his hair for jobs all the time. Me? I'm a student and I have a job in a bar (where this other guy also works) and no-one ever says anything, it's a respectable city bar and people, if anything, like it more than they don't. My hair change has gone down equally well.

I think Soaringeagle got it right on the india front, in india it'll reflect really well on your but I understand the problem that sometimes people have crazy notions that things like this don't reflect well on them.

Overall, I just think that as long as you're ok with explaining your choices to bosses, girlfriends, girlfriend's parents (even though ideally we shouldn't have to) you should be fine. IN the end if you want it, do it.

Love, xxx

 

what's the crisis?

 

with every decision you make in life you will find some people for it, others against it the only thong you can do is make the choices that are right for you

its funny though how some choices that should be so insignificant like youir choice iin how you wear your hair or how you choose to dress tend to be the choices that cause the most radical reactions from those around you.

but in the end the only thing that matters is ifyou feel you did whats right for you or if you sacrificed youir own well being to please those around you

from talking to many many people though i can tell ya more often then not the root cause of most depression and eating disporders comes from giving up pour own sence of self in order to please those around us...who really cares what others think ? isnt what we think of ourselves more important to our overall happiness?

 

ok.
Can I say "WHOA bad timing".

I just JUST got back from being with my girlfriend. And you could say we argued - I'll say we hashed things out about my hair. I really have to submit and say that I can't have dreads. Not because of her though. Well, partially, but in a way that I can't blame her for.

See, I've lived a strange life. Not really - I more or less stood in line like everyone else. Went to school, did my homework, didn't fight the powers-that-be. Looking back on that, it sucked. I've been subjected to and associated myself with various beliefs and ideals, the greatest set being Catholicism. Recently (within the past year), I've had a falling out with my Catholic faith and have been leaning a great deal towards Buddhism. I like its history better, and the system of ideals works better in my mind. And, even though it has its sects, the sects are consistent within themselves belief-wise. Its good stuff, that Buddhism.

I wanted dreads as something for personal development; to establish a solid set of beliefs for myself about the world and to gain some greater understanding of both myself and the world around me. Tonight, my girlfriend made the distinct point that the world around me would change drastically. And she isn't wrong. One of the biggest things is how it would change my relationship with her. She wouldn't love me less, but she straight out told me that there would come a time when I couldn't be at her house because of her parents. I know she isn't wrong - they aren't understanding people. My action (getting dreads) would put a decent amount of undue stress on her because of the way her parents would react to me and possibly treat me. That isn't fair. This is where my Buddhist notions tie in.

In Buddhism, there is the belief that one should work to do good for the rest of the world before the self, because the self is only a part of the whole (and really doesn't exist because it can never be entirely separate from the whole). If getting dreads means stressing out my girlfriend and probably poking holes in other parts of my life, then it means I'd be doing it entirely for myself without any regard to the whole. And that would contradict a belief that I've subscribed to as part of my dread journey..

It's a lot to absorb, but basically, one of the beliefs I wanted to follow as part of my dread process contradicts the process itself and its affect on my world. Sucks because I won't have dreads, but the belief is totally more important than the hair. And so is my girlfriend. I love her a whole bunch.

I'd loveeee to just say fuck it, liquidsoul. I'd love to. But that isn't what I'm about.

Perhaps this was my journey - 3 days of knotty hair. Lol
But yeah... I'm calling this one. I'll still be around though to support all the tight locks on here though!

And if I do get to go to India, I'll definitely get as many pictures of as many Indian dreads as I can to share with you guys.

You're all chill peoples. Thanks for the support, friends.

PEACE

 

whoa hmm her parents are really that close mindfed? if so how the hell can she suport them being that close minded? what if the issue wasnt hair but race or sexual prefference or religion.. would you still give in so easily idf it was your political or religios views that caused her a lil discomfort? shes got to grow the fuck up anmd say to her parents u kjnow what im a grown up now i make my choices i cjose who i want to be with wethger or not they fit your narrow view or not and its not your cjhoice to make he will be there wether u like it oe not and you just have to accept it
is she that weak she cant stand upo to them?
im sorry but shes not taking you into concideration, only her own confort when they are there and how oftens that? your there every day theyre there how often? holidays? even if they are very close how oftens that one a week? hell if theyrte around more often then that she realllly needs to grow up and seperate herself from them alot moere

sorry but i know ya love her but shes actin imature and not very respectful of you

 

I understand what you're saying Soaringeagle. But she is a really considerate girl. To be honest, if I was going to keep up with the journey, she'd be on my side and support me. It wouldn't be her choice for me, and we both know it. But she'd still support me.

It would be hard on her though because her parents are incredibly closed minded. Her whole family is closed minded. These are people who feel that work and pleasure can't mix. And that you can't enjoy life if you have work to do. And that there is always work to do. It's a lot for them to sit down and chill out. Even sleeping is something that needs to get done because there is work in the morning. Twisted, I know. But true...

And I am there pretty often. Neither of us live on our own, so we take turns hanging out at each others houses.

She does get in their faces a lot about how she's a grown up and can make her own choices. But, on the flip side of that coin, I've seen them practically say "shut up, we don't care - our house our rules". Both her and I pray for the school year to start (as do most college undergrads living away from home) because we aren't subject to the rigors our parents put us through.

But like I said - it's about her, but not her fault. It's the belief I hold. I've gotta care for the whole before the self. And I'm seeing more and more how important that is.

 

ok sorry if i sounded harsh and down on her
i didnt understand the whole situation
but if i was her id get the hell outta there asap..maybe when school starts ya can start your dreads then..and maybe when the semesters thru ya can think about gettin your own place or something

 

Oh dude... you have no idea how badly I want my own place.
As long as we can start knocking out different factors, like her parents for one, and also a stable job for me, I'll probably jump back on the dread train.

But just... not yet.
Thanks though. I know you want to dread the world one person at a time. I know.
It's all part of your master plan. It's what you do every night.
Try to take over the world!