What do you consider acceptable for a chore routine? I have a 14 and 12 yr. old (friend's kids) that I have temp custody of and a 7, 8 and a 2 yr. old of my own. The 12 and 14 yr. old don't think that should have to do anything. Not even pick up after themselves. They are ungrateful for what I am doing for them and disrespectful of my wishes that they take responsibility for themselves. They are fing up my house! My 7 and 8 yr. old make their beds, pick up their clothes and put them in the hamper, help with the table (stuff on and off) and help load and un-load the dishwasher and sometimes help with sweeping the floor or vaccuming. The 2 yr. old will pick up her toys with help. Am I too hard on my own kids?
I have no idea if you are too hard on your "own" kids. But it seems unfair to expect the friend's kids to instantly fit into your lifestyle - whatever it may be. Don't expect the kids to be grateful. You may be doing your friend a big favor - perhaps she should be grateful! Have you ALL spoken clearly about your (everyone's) expectations and needs? I would sit down, in a relaxed and friendly atmosphere, maybe over ice cream, and ask them what they need. Agree to each come up with the 3 most important problems, and then all brainstorm solutions. If you are truly open to making changes to accommodate their needs, they might be able to make some concessions too. I would think coming up with plans together, then writing a short list of everyone's responsibilities, would hopefully set up an attitude of cooperation. I would make the "rules" specific and direct: "Everyone will make their bed and pick up their laundry before 10 AM" is clear and measurable. "Clean your room" is not. This does not have to be an adversarial relationship. The whole thing could be in a spirit of mutual support and respect. Teens are entirely different creatures than 7 & 8 YOs! In some ways they are nearly adults, in others they still need intense nurturing. But they can't ask for it. Arghhh!
My six year old has to pick up his dirty clothes and bring them to me on laundry day. He has to put his clean clothes away after they are folded and sorted for him. He puts things on and off the table for meals. He goes on "dirty dish patrol" when I'm getting ready to wash dishes. Sometimes he will put away the glasses and silverware when they are dry. He also has to clear his stuff out of the living room when it becomes overwhelming for me and pick up stuff off the floor when I am vacuuming. If he makes a mess, he is expected to at least try to clean it up. He also helps daddy take out the garbage and recycling. He doesn't make his bed but sometimes he will help me make mine. Kathi
In our house, (I have an 8yo & 12yo) we have morning & evening routines. During the morning routine, the kids care for our pets & ready themselves for the morning while I put laundry away & wash up dishes. Then we all straighten our bedrooms for a timed 15 minutes. With my 8yo I just tell her "get it straightened" and she can do that, but my 12yo requires specific duties like "put the clothes away, straighten the bed & get those legos back in their bin" before I head into my own room. In the evening we all (even my husband) work for a timed 15 minutes in a different room of the house for each day of the week. Specific chores are tackled according to ability... DD often gets the window/mirror washing, while DS prefers vacuuming & scrubbing surfaces but we all work as a family to keep our house looking neat. As for someone else's kids, I have to agree with Fluffernutter... while your expectations sound perfectly reasonable, you're dealing with young teens which are an entity unto themselves and they may need a quiet discussion to coax them into helping out. Good luck! love, mom
You should definately teach them some work habits they obviously weren't getting before. My wife and I took care of our niece and nephew years ago for a couple of months. Our niece did the chores we asked her to do but our nephew didn't and rebeled about it. Our niece now says we helped her by teaching her to work, our nephew can't keep a job, saying that all the jobs he finds start too early and are too hard. That makes me want to ram my foot so far up his ass his eyes will bulge out.
