I shall start by saying this was a FWB relationship that started nearly five months ago between me and this guy I work with. He initated the sex with me. Majority of the times, he was the one to ask for the sex. "Do you want to have sex?"... I do want to add that I know having a FWB is not a good thing, but I chose to accept it because I wasn't ready for a relationship since after a bad breakup with my ex. Recently, I noticed some changes about my FWB. I felt that he was having sex with naother co-worker, but he kept denying it. When this girl that knows me told me she saw my FWB with the girl in question, kissing her, I confronted him about it. I confronted him because we'd made the agreement that neither of us would sleep around with other co-workers while we were still working together. As I said, he denied it. He was angry, he started saying I like I'm slow. I asked him if I do, why did he have sex with me. He said he did because he felt sorry for me. I then proceed to ask why he kept calling me (I wasn't the one doing the calling), he tells me the same thing--that he felt sorry for me. Now, I know without a doubt that I'm not slow. Because I'm not a man, I'd like to know, is there even a such thing of a guy having sex with a girl out of pity? I've heard of women doing it, but I've never heard of a man doing such a thing.
Wow. What a bastard. I don't think he felt sorry for you. I think he was just mad and wanted to say something so you'd be hurt and such. And yeah. Dump his ass.
Yeah i agree, I think he was just trying to make you feel bad. He's selfish. Sounds like he just really wanted to have sex and the feeling of being wanted until he finds "something better." You can do way better.
He obviously ISN'T a friend, if he can say something so vicious to you. Don't give him any more "benefits".
I'm currently not speaking to him at all. It's too bad that he works in a department next to the one I work in. I see his face every single day I'm at work. What's odd, to me, is how the girl he's sleeping with now (who works there. A highly jealous girl, I might add) is much heavier than me. I'm a 140lbs woman three years younger than him. The other girl looks to be at least about 180-190lbs and she's 9-10 years younger. I'm more quiet and soft spoken, and she's loud, I do mean loud, and stays up in the guys faces. When one of you say he wanted to find something better before he stop sex with me, I don't know about her. He told me himself that I was finer than her. Maybe she gives him better oral sex (I'm new to that) I believe now that he was having sex with both of us at same time since two months after we'd started, but he kept denying it to me. He still hadn't admitted to it. I know I'm a very pretty girl, without a doubt. I just don't get why he had to toss me aside for some chubby looking girl. She's not even all that pretty. I think he's trying to ease his way back into speaking to me. I say this because I catch him staring at me a lot. Most times he doesn't know I notice. I don't plan on doing anything with him anymore. It's my feelings that's making it hard for me. I care so damn much (for what I have no clue). I'm now in conversation with this other guy that works there. I shouldn't allow this to become serious because I'm afraid that I might end up hurt again, but to be honest, I only wanted to talk to this other guy so that I can get over my ex-fwb. What I'm saying is that this other guy, Walter, isn't really my type. We've talked on the phone before when I was trying to get over my ex-fwb, and I lost interest in Walter because he complains too much, and I can tell, by the way he responds to some of the comments I make, that we won't see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. I'm trying my best to get over my ex-fwb. I know I won't go back to having a fwb anymore. I've learned my lesson. Yet, I'm still awestruck by the way my ex-fwb treated me (as a friend). It's not about the sex at all, it's all about the friendship and how he spoke to me. I thought about his comment on feeling sorry for me. For someone who felt sorry, he sure in hell spent a lot of time staring and smiling at me. I'd ask sometimes why he was staring so. He'd say you're so beautiful, Muffin, you're gorgeous, Sweetie... He asked me before that if we stopped the sex and I moved on and found someone else, and he ended up jealous and wanted to start the sex again, would I do it with him. I don't know for what reason he would have felt sorry. He knew from seeing with his eyes that I've no problem getting men's attention. I've no problem getting sex if I wanted it. I simply stuck with my ex-fwb because I'm not a whore, didn't want to be sleeping with more than one person at a time, and because of the fact that I DO love him. I know, thinking about some sweet girl like me loving a jerk is sick, but my feelings were already embedded before the sex started. Now, I'm trying. What should I do or say if he speaks to me. I don't want to do evil for evil and be rude. How can I make him think that I've moved on without completely ignoring him. I know I haven't moved on entirely, but he doesn't know that. Since our past business is no longer a conversation, I think it would be silly to say "I've moved on" if he just speaks to me. Now, if he brought it up at this moment, I'm more likely to say, "Nah, that's ok." because of the fact that I'm still upset. But he's the type that doesn't give up on something he wants. If I know him as I think I do, he will end up trying to get back into the sex if I spend a lot of talk time with him. I can see now, the minute I speak to him, he will start speaking more, with that seducing smile, and then he will start conversation, and he will end up calling me again. If I hadn't moved on by then, I can see my ass falling back into the same shit that I shouldn't have gotten myself involved in from the start. I know you all say "move on". It's easier said than done. It's not the sex I can't shake, it's the companionship with him, his friendship, the conversations we shared. When we weren't arguing, he was the nicest person he could be, almost like someone entirely different. I've gotten spoiled of his company.
Oh, and yes, he is indeed selfish and stubborn. He says it all the time that he's the man there, that he has more money than all the guys that work overnight there, that he's the one with this and that. For a while I thought that maybe someone in his past must have said something to him to make him insecure about himself. He bragged about himself, but when I purposely praised him, just to see where his head REALLY was, he acted entirely different and not so conceited, as if he was trying to convince himself that he's all that. He told me it's not what I think and that I'm the popular one, I'm the one with the fans, and the one all the men want. Hm.
as much as i understand that you are hurting, and rightly so, please dont get into the whole "shes fatter than me and therefore ugly and terrible because fat people suck" sort of mentality. i know its not what you mean, but its kind of sounding that way.... honestly, i think he said those incredibly crappy things in an attempt to hurt you... which worked. best thing would be to do your best to disregard it and just stop caring about that fool. he obviously isnt worht your time, if he has to hurt someone simply because he isnt with them anymore
No, I definitely don't think fat people are ugly. Most the people in my family are on the heavy side. My best friend is also like that. They are all beautiful. There's also another girl that wanted to like him at the job that is heavy, and I think she's a pretty girl. This girl use to call him her husband because she liked him so much. The reason I described the one he's sleeping with is because I was trying to compare. I'm not a beauty queen, but I know I'm better looking than this particular girl because of the way she's built and how she wears her clothing (too tight for her weight), and how she's loud and overly chatty with men, and two-faced towards the people she meet at work. I couldn't understand why he'd settle for her over me. I know one of you said maybe he wants to be dominated. He knew I was on the quiet side before he had sex with me. Even after the first few times, when his current fwb wasn't around or working there, he still kept coming back to me. Someone told me that because he's one of the playful types, he might be attracted to her because she plays a lot like he does, and that might be the reason he's attracted to her. For whatever reason he is, I'm not trying to find a way to keep him, I'm trying to move on. I just don't know simply how to move on. I can't just turn and walk away. It's like I need extra instructions to getting over the jerk. Last night I went to the movies with Walter, the guy that I'm trying to spend time with. When we left the movie theater and I left for home, I wanted to cry. The poor guy has done nothing wrong. He's been gentle to me. I appreciate him for trying. I can tell that I'm not ready, that is emotionally ready, to move on. My feelings for the jerk has this barricade over my heart and is crippling me from being able to keep walking away. I take one step and these are really slow steps--to a point to where I'm impatiently wondering when will I be completely over him? Why do it seem like forever towards that road to a new life? I don't want to know that I need to dump him because I've already stopped the sex. I simply waned to know if there was a such thing as men having pity sex with women. Some of you have responded regarding if he meant his words about feeling sorry for me, and one of you said men do anything for sex. When I think about how this man never seem to have a problem getting into women's panties, I wouldn't think he'd need to resort to pity sex. I've seen some customers practically throw themselves at him. Yes, he definitely hurt me, down to the core of my heart, he did.
I just found out a few days ago from a close associate at work that my ex-fwb has been speaking about me, trying to keep my name in his conversations nearly everyday he's at work. He even asked her (my close work associate) do she thinks I still like him. WTF?? I hadn't spoke to this man since we had that argument. I've been ignoring him and has since been talking to someone who is not a FWB, who is a real man that has time for me (He works there, too. I clearly haven't learned my lesson on the co-worker/personal relationship thing, but it's ok.). I did what I thought to be right and told the new man in my life about the relationship I had with my ex-fwb because I didn't want him to find out through some other source. My ex-fwb now knows, by others, that I am dating this guy. My ex fwb has been trying to get my attention. First he tried to make me jealous with his new fwb. When he saw that it wasn't working, he tried to do things to remind me of what we use to do. That didn't work, either. Now, I hear that he's asking my close friend about me all the time. She said he's been mentioning my name to her for the past three weeks. A couple of days ago he drove by where I live (when he clearly had no legitimate reason to be over in the area I stay in. He lives nowhere near me). Hm, sorry my ass. Now I'm beginning to think something's wrong with him. I've caught him staring at me last night a few times at work. I'm thinking, just as my close work associate is thinking, that my ex is getting tired of his new rudely bossy, extremely jealous, and loud-mouth FWB and is trying to ease his way back into my life.
