OK this is my first post and my first poem in like a year so tell me what you think. (I'm 16 by the way. If it matters.) I want to change but I don't think I can the possibilities beyond my range I'm lost and don't know who I am Someone find me help me tell me I can do it that I'm strong and fit I want to be better I need to be not only be a goal setter but a go getter Tomorrow will be different I promise I won't fail again I'll change and I'LL be different OK so there it is please tell me what you think. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.
It's pretty good. I can tell that you are still honing your craft. They rhymes in the first verse feel ..either forced or cliched, I"m not sure which. The "go getter" verse sounds like you're struggling to find a rhyme. I think that's the hardest part, to keep a flow without using something that sounds forced. I really like your last verse. It's very powerful. My two biggest suggestions are that you don't have to be totally direct when you talk. You can use metaphors and similes, and it will make what you say resonate even more. Second, you don't have to have any particular rhyme scheme. You can do whatever you want, so if you can't think of a rhyme, either leave it for later or just say something else and throw everyone off . It's more important to say what you WANT to say than to rhyme. Good job. keep posting because your final verse shows a lot of promise.
What the fuck is wrong with you people? You post something and EXPECT people to comment on it. Maybe if there was even one original sentiment or combination of words, you might get a few comments. But people are under no obligation to feed your ego. It also would not be a bad idea to perhaps look at some of the other stuff on these boards and leave some comments/criticisms, that way extending the same courtesy to others that you wish them to pay to you.
Yeah i do expect people to comment on things i post even if my work doesn't have " one original sentiment or combination of words" thats what this is all about to talk to people and get their opinions on things if no one posted their thoughts this wouldn't be a very good forum. And I have posted on peoples threads so why don't you take that stick out of your ass and next time you have a thought just let it go.
