Trying to get involved with the gay community, need advice

Hey guys, I need a little advice here. I'm 21, and have been out for the most part, haven't really told my family and I'm not really parading around telling everyone I'm gay, but for the most part, most of my friends know about it and I'm not afraid to tell anyone who asks.

My main problem is that I know virtually no gay people. Practically all my friends are straight or hiding themselves well enough that I can't tell that they're gay, and I basically have no girls as friends, so that just leaves me sitting around a bunch of people who I love very much, but at the same time don't really feel like I belong or fit very well in with.

I'm really tired of it. I don't like the fact that I practically have never gotten acquainted with any gay people and given my social network, it's not likely that I'll end up meeting many if I try to make more acquaintances through my current friends. It makes me feel outcasted, and it's really been eating away at me and I think it's about time I change things and get myself a bit more excited about life again.

I've decided that I probably should go to a gay bar or club or something if I want to start meeting people, but I really don't know how to find out where any even are. I don't have any gay friends to ask for reference, so I'm just kind of sitting around on my own. What should I do? This is so frustrating...

 

well, you don't need to be out to be parading it around that you are gay...there are times that you are still trying to figure out who you are...it doesnt happen over night...give it time...as for not having any gay friends, you dont need gay friends to still be gay...and not being able to tell if they are gay or not because of hiding themselves, well if they are gay and want you to know, they will tell you...sometimes just talking to your friends and being honest, especially if you have already come out to them, is all that you can do...sometimes you can get straight friends to go with you to a gay bar/club...and you dont necessarily need to become a barfly to start meeting people that are gay....some of the best places to look for gay bars/clubs is online or maybe in a local paper...when i lived in pa there was one that came out every thursday that would advertise what was coming up at local bars/ clubs, including the gay ones...all you need to do is talk to your friends that know you are gay and go from there

 

Thanks for the reply, daysye. I wasn't really suggesting that I'm supposed to act a certain way to be gay or whatnot, just describing how I am. It's true that I can be gay and have only straight friends. That makes things kind of lonely, though. I can tell the subject makes them uncomfortable to some degree so taking them with me to a gay bar/club is probably not a good idea, and which is why that despite that they know I'm gay, I rarely ever talk to them about anything regarding my gay life. Not that my gay life really involves much more than porn, which is why you can see that I"m uncomfortable with it.

I just feel ridiculously lonely, and I refuse to get all down about it. I've wasted too many years of my life being depressed and whatnot, and I really need to get myself out of this.

Anyhow, thank you for the suggestion! I'll try looking in some papers, hopefully I can find something out.

 

i totally understand where you are coming from...i am only out to about half of my family...unfortunatly the other half of my family are just a bunch of bigits....look in the papers or maybe you can post a thread in the forum that associates where you are from and see if there is anybody in there that might know something

 

Hey, thanks for the replies again. Well, I live near the L.A. area, so looking for a gay club should NOT be difficult by any standards. I've already found a few by looking online, but I'm a bit nervous about going alone. I've never been in such an environment.

How should I dress? How do people socialize there? I'm a bit shy at times, so I really don't want to just go and not meet anyone. I really want to meet other gay people -- it's about time, after 21 years of life.

Any tips would be helpful! And if you're near the L.A. area, too, I'd be really grateful to hear what you have to say.

 

Ok i haven't been to a gay bar myself but should be soon. However form what i have heard it is simmler to a normal club, - but more people there are more likely to be there for a one night stand but there are often other guys who are looking for a relationship raver then quick sex.

In terms of what to were well thats up to you and i don't know what you look like so can't suggest much (picture may help) but as a guideline go with what you are confatable with / what suets you and don't be afraid to dress more gay / camp etc.

 

Here, I've attached a picture of myself. It's a bit old, and I look angry in it for some reason or other, but it should give you a good idea of what I look like.

Thanks for the help! If I were to go what I was comfortable with, it'd probably just be a t-shirt and shorts, but I don't really think that's considered club attire. That's why I wanted to ask for a recommendation.

 

How about wearing a shirt eather short sleeve or long sleeve with the sleeves rolled up, and then were a opersit couler t shirt under. E.g. blue and pink. also if you have non baggy / skinnie jeans you could were those.