Attraction

- Yeah, chill out and try not to be frustrated Frustration is our minds and thoughts not being happy with what is. Sometimes things can seem like shit but what can we really do about it? We can only do the things we can do ... like for myself i realise that continuing to smoke will just make me feel physically crap and give me health issues ... so i do what i know i can do and stop smoking; Why didn't i do it 20 years ago? ..well, because i didn't for some reason ... a lack of awareness and self worth probably. - But my point being that we can't have change without changing. We can change our perspective which is good and we can also change the things we do if we have the strength of will and motivation, but for both these things we need to be aware in the first place. Just focus on becoming more aware ... which means (for me) to stop letting thought consume you and run your life, and again i'll suggest getting hold of Eckhart Tolles books 'A new earth' and 'The power of NOW', to teach you how to raise your awareness by first creating gaps in your thinking and then making those gaps bigger until it becomes a routine part of your day. Thinking about it is what's making you feel frustrated right now. Stopping being dominated by thought is fundamental to any of this so start there.
When i had my first inklings of spiritual awakening 13 years ago i knew nothing of 'spirit' or anything and after my painful relationship back then i suddenly KNEW that i wanted love, and to be real, and it seemed to me that just being myself and striving to be honest and understand people and life ...and myself was more important to me than anything else. I put my outer life on hold, it could wait because i realised i had to know who i was if anything else was going to work. It wasn't about 'being spiritual' or 'having power' or any such label that our egos tend to desire. It was more about finding out what the hell this life of mine was and who the hell was I anyway. I felt i needed to stop and start again. - As mutch as i'd been doing alot of things right i was missing a few fundamental points ... i didn't know who i was or what life was. So, i'd suggest you make this your goal. - Jesus said "First seek the kingdom of heaven." meaning 'First, find out who you are.'
I was describing to 'blackened' the other day about just keeping your head down and being in the moment and this was given to me years ago as an analogy of a street sweeper who just keeps his head down and sweeps, only occasionally looking up to see how mutch he's done or how mutch he has left to to. When you look to the past or future all the time you're not being in the NOW, which is the only time anything can happen, the only real time there is and the only time we can be enlightened ... not tomorrow because tomorrow is always in the future, only NOW can we be enlightened. And Eckhart says there is nothing that you can do to get closer to enlightenment than you are now. ...And the 'Zen' saying; "Before enlightenment, chopping wood - After enlightenment, chopping wood."
So keep your head down and get on with being with each moment. With just a little practice you can begin to feel the aliveness and alertness and peace and joy that simply being in the moment brings.
If you start worrying or getting frustrated and stuff, just remember it's thinking that is the cause and root of the problem, which will serve as a pointer to bring your awareness back to the moment.

 

wow liquid...excellent advice.....for all of us

 

Well, sure it's thinking about it that causes the feelings. But there are actions, too. This is all just insanity, liquidlight. This whole life of mine is just one big insane mess. To give you an idea, this is my journal: http://anne-beheaded.deadjournal.com/ That may give you an idea of what I'm going through, when it comes to this whole attraction thing.

A psychic that I saw last month told me to give it until October with this one woman. She will either come around or she won't. Something is supposed to happen or not happen with this woman and it will be before October ends. So....I haven't let this go for that reason. You see, sometimes when you meet someone you think somehow they are just "right". You just can't choose who you are attracted to, I think. There have been maybe 2 women in my life that have really "got" me that way. As in gotten my attention and brought out the feelings of a genuine crush or whatever in me.

I don't know - the whole situation is a mess...

 

Wow Mysterious, there's some telling stuff there, like: 'my struggle against the universe'... and your 'Eponine complex' ... you just love tragedy and pain don't ya!

Yes it's insanity isn't it but recognising insanity is the return of sanity (to quote someone i already quote too mutch of !)

Well i'll just say your life is fascinating and what a drama it is! And if life is a stage, then i'd say you play an interesting role indeed. - But what i'm banging on about is remembering that you are the actor beyond the role you play. One day you will die and your role will be over. The problems of this world as i see it are that 99.9 % of people have forgotten they are actors and are taking their roles mutch too seriously, thinking they are indeed the characters they play, and they defend their roles tooth and nail to the point of hating and killing, ripping eachother off, self harming and abusing themselves and others. All because they do not realise they are life beyond death, In fact there is only one actor who is also the director, scriptwriter, costume desighner and the person taking tickets at the door, even the key grip (whoever that is?!) and this deathless eternal actor, is love, is life and it knows it, and you can know it too. There is nothing and nobody in this life you are not equal to and a part of, nothing to be afraid of ... even death. So live in the knowledge that you are beyond all this drama. Look very deeply and you can see it. Could you let go of this role? This character who you think you are, and be the actor? Could you let go of your life even, with the faith that it wouldn't be annihilation, that it wouldn't be the end. Knowing you are spirit ... the actor, enables you to play your roles and invent your drama without getting lost in it, without thinking you are the character you're playing. Some don't even feel the need to play a character at all ... these are the spiritual teachers of this world.
To step beyond takes faith and i would encourage you to take faith. Your life and all the intersting people and events in it is fantastic, but know that you don't need any of it. Love it by all means but don't need it.

 

I believe in many things. I do believe in love and "heaven" I'm not so sure. I believe we go on to something else when we die. Maybe we get recycled into another body or maybe we just go back to what we were before. Yes, I'm in the middle of an epic drama. I don't like it. I like truth, and I like for things to be made clear to me. Maybe I am taking this whole mess way too seriously, but I'm afraid if I don't then I'll miss something. I'll miss a detail that's imperative for my own personal growth or a symbol to what I need to do next. I guess I could let go of my "role" but I've yet to determine what my actual "role" is.

 

LOL, heaven is your home! Where you come from!

Anyway, ... back to my life

Yeah talking about this 'god the father' stuff going on right now....
I went for an energy healing session several months ago, because i've had problems with sciatica over the last few years (i now see the cause of it as judgements blocking life energy). The guy said i was well grounded and had no problems with the 'love and understanding' side of things but said that my crown chakra was virtually blocked completely, and so no power or purpose.
I had a mother but no father, so to speak, and actually in my life my parents divorced soon after i and my sister were born and my mother raised us and my two brothers ... my father being in the background all that time and not really being involved. - So anyway the healer worked on my crown a bit and told me i'd been an imasculated eunuch in a past life (eek!). Shortly afterward i began inviting this male presence into my life (archangel michael and all that baloney) and then the incident with the bikers and the wings ect. Shortly after that i began getting clues and messages that there was a balance and merger of energies going on ... my landlords got married and i bought them a nice mortar and pestle (very symbolic i thought) as a gift. My workplace has been interesting too in a symbolic way. I have two bosses ...a woman and a man and they both (especially Darrin, my immediate boss) have been saying strange 'messagy type things' to me, as if they are reflecting the mother/father aspects of my being. It's a cookery school, i'm an assistant and we're busy 7 days a week running two classes, we have a beautiful walled garden with statues of the triple goddess and indeed there are 3 women who work in the office/admin ... i was in the office last week and misread a filing cabinet which said 'One day courses/Two day courses ect' as... 'One day curses/Two day curses ect'... and joked with one of the girls about it. I've started making little food offerings to the statues in the garden too recently . So anyway, the fire and cooking, mother, father and moon ... you get the drift,.. it's all symbolic to me and i really feel at the heart of things.
- But back on topic about this male stuff ... the last two nights Darrin has been in my dreams and also a guy called Mike who used to be my manager in a previous job ... but both of them are men i really respect, and enjoy(ed) working for, both of whom are very balanced and very good at what they do and who seem to bring out that quality in myself ... in other words, good male role models. The dreams have also involved myself being 'authoritarian' and managerial (in a good way) with staff, but with these two guys overseeing with full approval. ... just great really, but right now i need to remember to check in with the feminine and maintain a balance.

Crazy huh? :hat:

 

Mysterious, you have some great drama there. Maybe you should try doing what I do with my drama - write about it. Of course, you are blogging about it - that's something anyway. I write poems sometimes, and I'm working on a book about my life's drama.

Try out this poem from my personal site if you'd like to see what I mean - the subject is appropos to this discussion. And if you like that, look further down the page for a little drama.

http://www.rbrpoetry.com/#the_play

Drama makes life interesting. It makes us think and sharpens our wits. But it certainly does feel unpleasant a lot of the time. Writing helps, I think.

 

I know what I'm supposed to do here.

(hugs mysterious)

Just felt it was needed.

 

Thank you, Born25Years

Zengizmo, I do write. I write short stories and plays. Working on a short story right now.

I think it does help, I need an outlet for all of this.

 

My spirit guide Emily wrote me an e-mail once in which she said that she valued people who are able to sublimate their emotions. It was a blatant encouragement for me to take my feelings of intense frustration from her lying to me and treating me like shit, and channel them into a creative outlet. My poem "angel" http://www.rbrpoetry.com/#angel is one of the fruits of that kind of sublimation. My book is an even bigger example, since a huge part of it revolves around my relationship with her. I've spent a large part of this weekend and the previous one working on the book. I had a long dry period when I couldn't make myself work on it, so it feels really good to find this drive in myself to make more progress.

Would you let me read your short story when you're finished with it?

There is no writing more compelling than that which is driven from an intense encounter with reality and a fierce desire to express our truth.

 

I have a finished one that you can read.

Yes, I'll definitely let you read this one, when I am done!!

 

Okay then, let's have a look! You can e-mail it using the contact link at the top of the page on my poetry site - or do you have an online version I can read?

 

I just sent it to you. It's based on a dream I had.

 

Thank you! I'll read it later tonight. I already got a glance at the first line, and it definitely grabbed my interest.

 

I read your story last night, Mysterious. You have a real gift. Imaginative situation, punchy, economical, evocative style, believable actions and dialogue, gripping plot line, poetic and allegorical. Thank you for sharing! I'm looking forward to reading your next one.

 

Yay! Thank you!! I'm having writer's block on this one. The one you read was based on this epic-like dream I had and I wanted to turn it into art somehow. Thank you for reading it

Sort of has to do with attraction.....maybe? Hahaha

 

Sure, there was attraction in that story!

I know about writer's block. I've scrapped my book and started over twice so far, and I've gone months at a time doing nothing on it, feeling disgusted with the whole experience. However the last two weekends I've managed to add about 2000 words, plus I keep going over and over the existing parts, editing and revising.

There's attraction in my book, too, so I can talk about it here. LOL

Oh, and interesting that you dreamed that story into existence. It does have a sort of startlingly effect, it's so different. I like the way you just touch on the prevailing situation without going into explanations, as if the reader is part of the action and knows what's going on.

I got one of my poems as I was falling asleep. I was actually drifting away when the words started coming to me. So I got up and started writing. Got it down in about 15 minutes, then went back to bed, and spent a half hour or so polishing it the next day.

 

I do that, too. With writing and such.....wonderful....i liked your poems!

 

LL, Zen and Mysterious.

Intresting new development.

I've mentioned before that M and I are both empaths, and tightly locked together, to the point of 'what happens to one, happens to the other'

I've started working on raising my own vibration, and she and I had a discussion in the wee hours of this morning. The higher I raise my vibration, the more I work on improving myself, the more it seems to be lifting her, passively. It brought her high enough so far that she's 'trying' to help. She's trying to help me understand something, and my feeling is, it's something that's uplifting, that feels 'right'.

I think her central self, her core, her 'deep down beautiful inner person' is taking the only road she can without setting off the masks and alarms and crap.

 

Good for her! ..and good for you!

I think alot of this is just about being honest with ourselves and being real... and it does encourage those around and close to us to do likewise. I think 'improving' is perhaps the wrong word but rather 'focusing on being real' may be a better way of seeing it ... IMO. I love honesty, ... i feel that honesty can be a path all on it's own. If others are not being honest ... well what's stopping you from being honest. Sometimes we can't wait for others to make the first move or show a commitment or act of trust ... so we just have to go ahead and do it ourselves. To be open and show people how ... by doing it. We open a door for others and blaze a trail in doing so.

In dealing with ego; I think a knowledge of how our egos work is helpful but recently i feel one can get a bit too involved in trying to understand it ... in trying to understand 'who people are not' (their ego). So recently i've been realising that my focus has turned away from 'who people are not' to something more like 'who people really are'. - In a sense, saying to them and myself ,internally, "Ah that's just bollocks, i know who you really are." ... just simply realising that ego is a crock of shit and absolutely full of it.

I've had an interesting new development too. A marriage. An internal one. This is what i've been trying to do/waiting for, for years .... trying to balance and harmonise the male/female energies within me. Yet my simply trying has not succeeded but raising awareness has. And i don't even know how, and i still don't understand really how these energies relate, yet in simply raising awareness it seems to have come about. A couple of weeks ago i had a dream involving 'K' (the first dream of her in years), ... bearing in mind that in dreaming this 'K' has represented my guide in the past; It involved an underground complex of rooms ... kinda like some 'group headquarters' ... people milling about who were all privy to something and this place. She was around somewhere but we didn't meet in person ... like i was avoiding her whilst looking around, hesitant as to what her reaction would be if she knew i was there. I spoke to a couple of people in their 'head office', and later discovered that she was surprised that i had been in the 'head office', because only she and several others were allowed in there. Actually she seemed a little pissed off ... kinda like she couldn't be my guide anymore because i had 'graduated' so to speak, ... kind of a pride thing ... sort of.

A week ago i had a dream in which I and 'K' were married. A happy wedding indeed but don't remember the dream too well.

And just the other day a sad dream .... I was with a couple of people and we were going to do something together, but they went of together and did something else, so i trudged off unhappily and found myself at the market square (the center, i guess), I was crying in an emotional hurt, kind of way. I went to sit at a bench and on a bench alongside was a girl crying with her head down and long brown hair covering her face so i couldn't recognise who she was. I saw that she had a red pocket address book just like mine ...we had the same address book. And so we both sat and cried.

These dreams are a real breakthrough for me and still sinking in really but all three dreams are telling me there is a merger/marriage of my energies taking place, and the last dream particularly, telling that we are one and the same.

So anyway, obviously i don't want to upset this balance ... so i'm just trying to keep a balance!